Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

@Moominmama79 I'm so glad you've decided to leave. Please start talking to a solicitor as soon as you can, and especially before you take DC 200 miles away - you may be able to do that, but you need to make sure he doesn't force you to bring DC back twice a week for contact.

Talk to Women's Aid about financial and emotional abuse. You may want to make a formal report, not least because it will help you make a claim for Legal Aid. And ensure as many people as possible know that he has never actually looked after your DC.

Finally, when you go after him for at least half the house, make sure you're also getting half his savings and pension. He's prevented you from building your own savings since the DC was born and he absolutely needs to make this up to you.

for you

I'm not sure if updates are the done thing on here but I know a few of you were concerned about my situation. I just wanted to let you know that I left my husband 5 months ago. There were many other problems in our marriage, this was just one of them. My son and I are doing really well and have adjusted to our new life. I've never felt happier and wished I had the courage to do it sooner. My ex was also wrong saying I would never cope without him because I'm doing just that

I’m really glad to read your update OP, brilliant news.

Good for you OP

Hope you have a wonderful new year

That’s amazing news OP, I’m so pleased for you!

Well done.
I'm so pleased for you and your boy.
A very happy New Year to you both.
Mx.

Tell him if he wants to split it like that he needs to pay you half the going rate for a full time, live-in nanny. Base salary for 40 hours per week plus a higher hourly rate for any time over and above that, of which I imagine there's a lot.

Seriously, find out what that costs in your area and show him.

Also, do you do housework? Do you run errands for him? Start charging !

Should have read the whole thread! Good for you OP!

Good on you, OP! Your life is already much easier without that millstone.

And yes, we do love updates.

That’s absolutely fantastic news OP! I’m so happy for you. You’ve managed 5 months on your own through a global pandemic. If you can do that you can do anything.

Thank you for updating. It is so good to read a success story instead of "he cried and promised to do better so I gave him another chance". I
hope you find someone who appreciates you and knows the difference between marriage and indentured servitude.

Well done, fantastic news! So happy for you.💐💐💐

I’ve just read your thread OP well done! Really pleased you got away from him.

I have no clue why you stay. I really do not. You don't have a marriage, you have a roommate who gets all the housework done and free sex. I have to tell you, you can do badly right by yourself, without the resentment that this idiot is causing you!

Thanks for updating, great news!

@Mamanyt - RTFT, OP has updated.

@Mamanyt - you might want to read the OP's update..... 😅

@BorisStopOffendingYourBarber - Snap! You clearly have faster fingers than me 😅😅😅

[quote BorisStopOffendingYourBarber]@Mamanyt - RTFT, OP has updated.[/quote]
Thanks, to you and to @ExhaustedFlamingo. My pages don't always update as they should.

@Mamanyt You're welcome.

Happens to us all. I nearly replied to a zombie thread from 2010 earlier this evening - noticed the date just as I was about to hit enter 😅😅

This is financial abuse.

You would be better off on UC and that’s saying something!

@Moominmama79

Just saw that you left the B!,well done you.Please tell me you got half the house and a nice chunk of maintenance out of his massive salary?

I'm betting he's not enjoying having fo do his own cooking/cleaning/washing etc

Wonderful news Op. Happy new year to you

When your son is older you will go back to work. Your husband might lose his job or health and be dependent on you one day. He will certainly be dependent on your son when he is elderly.

He shouldn't see money as the only contribution to the family.