to ask for your thoughts on a ‘period box’ for DD

[MoonBlood]

So the time has come for my eldest DD (12) where she’s had her first show of blood overnight. We’ve talked previously about periods and that they will come one day and I mentioned getting her a bettybox when they do which she was enthusiastic about, but I’ve just searched for them online and they seem to be no more? (A bettybox was a box with a few ‘treats’ and a bit of Sanpro for tweens/young teens)

She seems happy enough to talk to me about it albeit a bit on the shy side. She’s had a cuddle and a little chat with me this morning and as I’m not able to get the box as I wanted to I thought about maybe making up a little box myself.

Thoughts were a few hot choc sachets, some paracetamol, a pack of pads, and also a a cloth bag for her to put her underwear into so she’s not embarrassed to put them in the wash and no one else will see them. Maybe some chocolate and a magazine or similar, she’s already got a hot water bottle.

Is it a good idea or is it a bit cringe? It’s one thing to get a parcel delivered with those things but it might be different coming from mum? I considered maybe leaving it in her room/on the bed so she’s not forced into a big talk or anything, it might be seen as a nice little treat or could be utterly mortifying for her! I think she’d like it but wanted to gauge some opinions first please?

I got a period box from cheeky wipes, dd loves her washable pads, they are so much more comfortable and less sweaty. She wears period pants for PE days.

The box has lovely soft flannels, face pads, and 2 sizes of washable sanitary pads.

Take away the hot chocolate and magazines it's basically just a kit ready for school isnt it.

I'd focus on that part . Putting together a lit so she can be organised outside the house with it.

I got one of those pencil cases the ones with 3 pockets that kinda concertina out a bit. A little wet bag is a handy thing to have again off amazon. Shove it in the pencil case and if she needs to change at school/out then she can sort herself out.

I did include paracetamol but then dd used to have asthma and she takes antihistamines quite often so shes used to taking medication and can be trusted.

But yes good idea to make sure theres plenty in the cupboard

@Thescrewinthetuna Indeed. I used to vomit and faint with pain from periods in my teens. I'm really sensitive to hormonal contraception (and this was in the 90s and it wasn't even given as an option). Thankfully I grew out of it mostly and then having a baby sorted the rest, but I would spend two days of the month hunched over crying in pain or on the toilet with horrendous diarrhoea. So this 'it's no big deal thing'? It was a massive deal for me.

And periods are generally a bit unpleasant, no matter how empowering we try to make them. No one enjoys having their period surely, so I don't see the issue with having something like a treat or something to make it a bit more positive 🤷‍♀️ I don't think anyone enjoys blood from their vagina and cramps/leaks/stained bed sheets, even if you are fortunate and have generally easy periods.

I think it is fine. I would put tampons in too as I used them right from the start. I hate pads and use a cup now, but may be a bit much straight away

Such a mix of opinions here! Thanks everyone for your input. Just wanted to clarify that it didn’t occur to me either that the drawstrings laundry bag might give her the wrong idea about periods being something that needs to be hidden. It came about because I have two sons, who are lovely but can be a bit thoughtless at times. I know she would be a bit anxious about them getting wind of anything so thought it could be helpful. I think I’m going to go for it but with revised contents taking on board advice that’s been offered throughout the thread x

It is a sweet thing to do and you know if your dd would appreciate it. I started when I was 10 but knew about periods from about 7 as my mum was very open and had already shown me where the sanpro was kept. It was all very normal for me however mum and dad did make a fuss of me when they started which I liked. I think I will hopefully normalise it for my dd and make a bit of a fuss over her if she would like that.

I have always had truly hideous periods (fainting, flooding, numerous doctor investigations etc) and I truly believe the matter of fact just-get-on-with-it is the only way to manage them. I cannot bear women who have to go into ‘self care’ mode one week a month so the idea of hot chocolate in a box is risible to me.

A frank chat with your kids about how to manage them and proper medical support if needed is worth a thousand boxes and sachets of hot chocolate. It’s a bodily function and it can be fairly hellish, don’t add to that hellishness with twee.

I would also recommend a mooncup over tampons (although I know that’s a controversial opinion on here!) with period pants as a back up. I have only tried Thinx so can’t speak for any other brand but these have been somewhat of a game changer for me. I have six pairs and I’m impressed with them so far. They don’t smell and I haven’t had any leaks (which is something I never thought possible!). Might need to buy a few pairs because they take a really long time to dry when you wash them. I have six pairs which normally does me with a few washes. I also have some sensory issues around clothes and I was worried that I would find them nappy-like but I don’t at all. I like them a lot!

Im baffled by all the people saying you shouldn't give paracetamol to 12yr olds to administer themselves - its literally the simplest form of painkiller, the instructions are on the box, surely a secondary aged NT child should be able to be trusted to take a tablet every 4 hours without accidentally taking a handful and overdosing!? They come in blisterpacks, not bottles, it is VERY hard to get wrong by accident. Id be pretty concerned if my year 7 couldn't be trusted to manage that by herself.

I would say give her just one or two paracetamol, whatever is the correct dose for a 12 year old (cut up the blister pack) to have in her school bag just in case. Then also if she feels she needs it in the night and doesn’t want to wake you she has it. Chocolate and a magazine is a lovely idea too. Does she have plenty of comfy tights, leggings and jeans? Makes life a bit more pleasant to have extra comfy clothes when you might feel a bit bloated.

The FT data analysis team produce a series of daily graphs that may help?

I think this might have been posted on the wrong thread

Personally I would get her the various useful bits of kit, show her where they are kept, but not make it into any sort of “gift set”. To me that’s a bit twee and making a bit much of it, maybe she won’t need paracetamol or chocolate and this will give her the idea she ought to??

I do like the little bag for stained pants though, and also a little bag to take tampons etc to school in. Also talk to her about what to do if she finds she has leaked onto the bed/sofa etc as I’m sure we have all been there and died inside in the past....

When they have the puberty talk in year 5 and year 6, don't they still get a "goodie bag" that has most things in?
Then in year 7 they get another?
Surely this is enough for them to be looking through and making decisions on what they want to use on their body?
Too much choice would seem overwhelming.

I think it's really nice that you are thinking about this. The most important thing is that she is able to manage so provide the pads, pants etc that she needs and maybe get some different ones so she can choose those she prefers. Also make sure she has access to pain relief. Personally I wouldn't bother with magazines or chocolate as they aren't going to help with the periods.
Also, it would be nice if your sons knew about periods and it wasn't seen as something to be hidden. Your daughter should for example be able to say if she is in pain or doesn't want to go swimming without it being hidden. Obviously depends on their age and how things are in the family

Can I start by saying you sound like a very loving, thoughtful mum.

My own mother when I started was quite business-like about the whole thing (I don't mean not caring, just quite matter of fact about it; she was and is a very loving mum). She made it clear that having a period was going to be a part of my life for the next 40 odd years, and the best thing I could do was to not let it stop me getting in the way of anything I wanted to do (in my case sport, swimming, riding my pony etc). So definitely no song-and-dance, nothing sentimental nor "poor you, you'll be in pain and need consoling."

I think she got it absolutely spot on. I'm not saying that some women don't suffer with really awful periods, but setting your daughter up with the expectation that she's going to need painkillers and chocolate is framing this in the wrong way.

I also would counsel against giving chocolate as some kind of reward/ consolation - that's such a bad message to send.

I have a box filled with 20 packs of sanpro - Maxi night, ultra night, Maxi long, ultra long, Maxi normal, ultra normal, alldays silk, alldays sensitive, Tena pants for travel. All bought on offer.

I must be a sanpro hoarder.

I think a box with useful items is a good idea, as is a good and open conversation about expectations, what to do with pain. etc. Personally, I wouldn't be so keen on the hot chocolate and magazine side of it. I think periods should be a part of natural life and not a special event. But on the other hand, it is her first one and we are in the middle of a very boring period of sitting at home, so for this occasion I would maybe get her some special treats, but not every time she gets her period from now on.

It’s a good idea. I got mine age 11 and my mum refused to buy me pads so I ended up using toilet roll for ages :/ I would much rather do it your way

Personally I think it’s a bit of a cringe and making a big thing about something that isn’t a big thing.

I think I agree with this. I don’t think it’ll do any harm, so if you’re really keen then go for it. But it does seem kind of silly - it’s just another regular thing in life that people are trying to turn into a ‘thing’ when it’s really just not a ‘thing’... it’s just a period.

It’s a good idea. I got mine age 11 and my mum refused to buy me pads so I ended up using toilet roll for ages :/ I would much rather do it your way

That’s awful. But I’d like to think there is a middle ground.

sharon

Given the current difficulty in getting hold of stuff I think you are probably just sensible and well prepared

My mum just threw a pack on the bed one day and that was that. They werent even in wrappers so I couldn't t have taken to school.

Would have loved a few more bits to be able to deal with it.

Had to by the stuff out my paper round money. Grabbing what was for sale at the garage if I got caught short

You said you'd talked to your DD about getting a box and that she liked the idea so of course it's not cringe for you and her.

For others it would be.

It doesn't matter how you get there, the important things is that periods are treated as just part of being a woman by everyone in the household.

My sister has 3 teenage girls and she's going through menopause. It's just something they all get on with and my sister has treated each girl according to their personality.

She made it clear that having a period was going to be a part of my life for the next 40 odd years, and the best thing I could do was to not let it stop me getting in the way of anything I wanted to do (in my case sport, swimming, riding my pony etc).

That's the attitude I went with. I also pointed out that, when she is older, there are things that can make it all easier.

I remember just being given a pack of pads by my mum. No chat that I recall but she was from a generation where it wouldn't have been talked about.

I think I've got it as right as I could with DD - she is confident and not embarrassed about periods at all. No doubt she will do an even better job with her possible future DD.

I find the idea of a "period box" cringey.

@SarahTancredi maybe I should sell them on eBay at a tenner a pack

I put some bits on DD's bed. Pads, chocolate, a hot water bottle, book that she wanted. I didn't put it in a box because I know she would have felt that it was more of a 'thing' than me just sticking stuff on her bed. It's only cringe if your DD would be embarrassed, if not then go ahead.

Why stop at a tenner theres a pack of always teen going for 80 quid on Amazon...

God kids are luckily now though. So much to choose from you can really make sure you can get something that suits them

It’s a nice idea OP. Go for it.

Yes it’s a normal part of life but it’s also a new step for her. One minute you don’t bleed from your vagina, the next minute you do.

For what it’s worth, she might want to keep all the stocks in her room anyway. My daughter has three older brothers in the house and really isn’t interested in keeping any of her toiletries in the shared bathroom. From an organisational standpoint the box is also useful—sort of something she can grab and go with to do her thing, similar to a shower bag for travel.

I’m also a big fan of open, factual conversation about the body so no need to just plunk it on her bed. You’ll know if she’s not up for a conversation and adjust accordingly.

Finally, agree with those suggesting you teach her to track her cycle and ultimately understand what’s happening at given points regarding fertility and possible changes in mood or physicality (eg craving red meat for iron and not understanding why). It’s a really good way to help her learn a lifelong habit of connecting with her body and can be useful in all areas of future health.