to ask for your thoughts on a ‘period box’ for DD

[MoonBlood]

So the time has come for my eldest DD (12) where she’s had her first show of blood overnight. We’ve talked previously about periods and that they will come one day and I mentioned getting her a bettybox when they do which she was enthusiastic about, but I’ve just searched for them online and they seem to be no more? (A bettybox was a box with a few ‘treats’ and a bit of Sanpro for tweens/young teens)

She seems happy enough to talk to me about it albeit a bit on the shy side. She’s had a cuddle and a little chat with me this morning and as I’m not able to get the box as I wanted to I thought about maybe making up a little box myself.

Thoughts were a few hot choc sachets, some paracetamol, a pack of pads, and also a a cloth bag for her to put her underwear into so she’s not embarrassed to put them in the wash and no one else will see them. Maybe some chocolate and a magazine or similar, she’s already got a hot water bottle.

Is it a good idea or is it a bit cringe? It’s one thing to get a parcel delivered with those things but it might be different coming from mum? I considered maybe leaving it in her room/on the bed so she’s not forced into a big talk or anything, it might be seen as a nice little treat or could be utterly mortifying for her! I think she’d like it but wanted to gauge some opinions first please?

I think it sounds lovely .Many young girls have a bit of a struggle with starting periods ,and this is a good way to show her your support . You sound like a nice caring Mum to me!

I think it’s a lovely idea and not cringe or twee in any way.

It shows you are a caring mum who is acknowledging to your DD that something has changed in her life and as her mum you are putting your arm around her and letting her know it’s ok.

At least that is how I would see it both as a mum and as a daughter and think it would be a lovely moment. Although I think it does come down to the type of relationship you have. I remember my mum noticing from my bed sheets that I had started mine and she just gave me a big hug. It made me feel that this was ok and nothing to be scared of (ie the ‘normal bodily function’ that other pop’s have mentioned)

Well mine were for the first six years I bled every 21 days for a week and leant the meaning of pain, years later due to coil or hormonal tablets hubby has seen me curled over in pain, so yes tell her not everyone get pain but don’t under play it either if she’s in pain, I was told get on with it, as a young teen.

I think it's a bit cringe, so would my dd have done. I remember finding my period difficult to manage at first from a practical and embarrassment point of view, but I really don't think hot chocolate would have helped. Nor would paracetamol, as I never really got pains.

At the end of the day it's your daughter you know her better than us, just because some of us would cringe doesn't mean it's a bad idea. It's only a one off, I don't see the big deal to be honest.

Actually the more I think about it, the more I like it. Different options in the box (pads, liners, cup, whatever). New pack of knickers. Hot bottle.

I think 'Betty box' sounds twee but otherwise fine. Periods make most people feel shit and more emotional so I think chocolate, a magazine, or whatever she's into is just thoughtful, like if I was unwell, tired whatever i would hope someone would hug me or make me a cup of tea.
I did feel different when I started menstruating, my world and outlook changed drastically at that time, perhaps it was a coincidence but felt like it was the start of growing up/new era.

DD had access to paracetamol from the family box in the cupboard. I would perhaps have given her a couple if she was going away somewhere around her time of the month but I don't remember that happening.

I do agree that it's important to talk about the crappy side of menstruation too, without making it seem too daunting. I remember two girls in my year at school who convinced themselves they had cancer because they had heavy, painful periods from the beginning, and we had been told about "spotting" and maybe having a bit of a headache. explained to DD that stuff might happen, but there's normally something you can do about it to help.

I remember reading about an American dad who brought home flowers for his daughter to celebrate the arrival of womanhood. To me that was cringe central. Your idea is way down the spectrum of cringe and it does come down to your relationship. I would have hated that and suspect my kids would, plus I'm quite businesslike about it all and don't like celebrations of vaginas, periods etc... She might really like it. You could just leave it for her with minimal fuss.

That sounds very embarrassing.

@ilikebooksandplants I love my menstrual cup!

Abit cringe. Depends on your dd though.

Dd1 was so young she excitedly showed dh her new sponge bag with different Sanpro I had got her from Boots. Slightly heartbreaking tbh hate that she started so young no upside to that at all

The OP said she would avoid it being a 'song and dance' by just leaving it on her bed.

I think its a fantastic way to show some support without embarrassing her; my mum was very cagey and ashamed to talk about period stuff, never bought me any products and would shout at me for putting my soiled knickers is the wash. I never felt I could confide in her or ask for help and as a result had many period related faux pas, as well as feeling that distance from my mum, the last thing you need at that age.

The box is a really lovely gesture that lets her know you're there if she needs any help, she's only young and it will make her feel well looked after.

don't understand why you would lean in to the embarrassment. If you teach her that she is right to be embarrassed you are doing her a disservice. Dirty knickers go in the wash with everything else, not in a special UNCLEAN bag. JFC.

No ones talking about “leaning in” to the embarrassment. From a purely practical point of view a bag is handy for a variety of reasons, not least of which is to keep especially bloody underpants—and some of them can be thoroughly stained—away from spreading blood onto other items of clothing in a hamper. It’s hard to get out in a wash FFS.

I would have been mortified if my father had come home with a bunch of flowers for me to celebrate my first period.

My dd hasn't started yet but I gave her one of the Lillets teen packs that Boots sell with various pads and tampons in along with a booklet. I have always down played periods as just normal and no big deal. I don't see the need for chocolate (any more so than at any other time) and paracetamol. Periods aren't always painful. I've always kept it low key, matter of fact. She knows she can ask me anything if ever she needs to.

Oh God, I would have died if I'd had this. But then again I cringe at 'gender' reveals, Christmas Eve boxes and the like.

Sounds cute.

I agree it feels a bit off the mark and I can’t quite put my finger on why because you clearly have lovely intentions and those are all things I personally want when on my period! I think it’s what others have said about setting up the expectations around suffering/endurance. My mum - who wasn’t great at sex, boys etc. - to her credit got the period stuff bang on by having an open conversation about it and buying me the classic 90s book ‘Have You Started Yet?’ I had all kinds of issues with savage period pains, vomiting etc. but we tackled them when it came to it.

I used Pink Parcel subscriptions for a few years and loved them xx

It feels kind of over the top, I'm trying to put my finger on why. I think maybe it's that this gives the impression that just because someone has their period they are going to need to be treated differently, need pain relief, curl up drinking hot chocolate...

My sister in law did similar for my niece. She went a step or three too far in that everyone in the bloody family knew that my niece had started her periods... But anyway, I feel she did set up an expectation that at period time everyone needs to know, special treatment will happen and sure enough there's at least one day off school every month. Posts on FB about "duvet days" as well sadly, but I know you're not going to do that!

Be careful with pink parcel, they’ve gone bust but still take money if you place orders online and then don’t deliver.

Pink parcel and Betty box were the same company they downsized and got rid of the Betty box part.

I’m also of the mind that having a ‘box’ is making a big deal of something quite natural, but at the same time, I think holding her hand a bit by buying her some starter pads would be a nice thing to do.

Tell her that if she ever leaks on her pants to just rinse them in cold water ASAP, before adding them to the washing. I didn’t know that hot water binds blood stains and when I found out how easily blood comes out in cold water, it was such a revelation 😂

It sounds lovely. I’ll do the same for mine, when the time comes, I think it’ll make it a more positive experience.

It sounds nice but definitely sounds as though there's a bit of a disconnect between you and your daughter