to ask for your thoughts on a ‘period box’ for DD

[MoonBlood]

So the time has come for my eldest DD (12) where she’s had her first show of blood overnight. We’ve talked previously about periods and that they will come one day and I mentioned getting her a bettybox when they do which she was enthusiastic about, but I’ve just searched for them online and they seem to be no more? (A bettybox was a box with a few ‘treats’ and a bit of Sanpro for tweens/young teens)

She seems happy enough to talk to me about it albeit a bit on the shy side. She’s had a cuddle and a little chat with me this morning and as I’m not able to get the box as I wanted to I thought about maybe making up a little box myself.

Thoughts were a few hot choc sachets, some paracetamol, a pack of pads, and also a a cloth bag for her to put her underwear into so she’s not embarrassed to put them in the wash and no one else will see them. Maybe some chocolate and a magazine or similar, she’s already got a hot water bottle.

Is it a good idea or is it a bit cringe? It’s one thing to get a parcel delivered with those things but it might be different coming from mum? I considered maybe leaving it in her room/on the bed so she’s not forced into a big talk or anything, it might be seen as a nice little treat or could be utterly mortifying for her! I think she’d like it but wanted to gauge some opinions first please?

I’d have hated that and so would my daughter , it’s making a song and dance about something that is a natural , normal part of growing up as a woman . I just discussed different types of sanitary protection with my daughter ( at the time I used a mooncup) , bought a selection and she knew she could ask any questions .

I think the idea of a small drawstring bag to put dirty knickers in which goes straight in the washing machine is inspired, thank you! I'm absolutely going to make these available for my DDs. I wish I'd had them when I first started my periods - I was too embarrassed to put bloodied knickers in the laundry hamper, instead I tied them in a plastic bag and threw them away. I was mortified when I realised I was going to have to ask my Mum to buy me some more underwear and I was just too embarrassed to explain why. I was pretty awkward as a 12 year old!

My 12 year old would love the idea of a box like this, but my 11 year old would likely stare at the floor, mumble "Thanks" and scuttle away in full, beetroot-faced mortification - it really does depend on the girl!

I don't really understand how it's a 'song and dance' It's literally a small box with a few things in it, not a billboard in Times Square with a show on Broadway.

And given my periods as a teenager were utterly miserable and painful, being given a pack of pads and 'left to get on with it' would have been pretty distressing. Luckily my mum wasn't that kind of parent!

Surely no mother would put paracetamol in a box and just give it to her 12 year old?! It's a dangerous medicine! Wtf?

I'd have absolutely hated it as a young teen.
Even now, I think it's too much and cringe.
It's really making it into an 'event' somehow and it doesn't sit right with me.

Agree with pp don't give her painkillers. A friend's DD messed up the dosages of paracetamol and ended up in hospital and that was age 15.

I think a box with sanpro and relevant functional items is ok (though suggest keeping them in the bathroom after shes opened it). The chocolate and a magazine idea is a little bit cringe and makes it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

There are those little tins/pouches as well you can get for when they are in your bag, I've got one of those for when I'm out of the house.

I suppose only you know your daughter OP and what she would like.

I said in my other post that I was quite upset when mine started but I should clarify that I lived with my dad growing up, no siblings either so I didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. I still think I would have loved a treat though.

When my dd had her first period I just gave her a pack of pads and told her how to dispose of the used ones. I'm not heartless, I just think it's a natural part of life for half the population and something to approach in a matter-of-fact way. I've got friends who go into self-care mode every month, time off work and so on, and I find it a bit ridiculous unless there is a medical condition.

Really nice idea! I'd of loved that - my Dad for some bizarre reason got me some flowers when my Mum told him I'd started my period which we still laugh about together now. He says he wanted to cheer me up....I just wanted the ground to swallow me up...now that was cringe

There's this narrative that periods are no big deal, just get on with it, we all get them, nothing special. And then there's also the fact that a huge number of women suffer from heavy bleeding, debilitating pain, and a number of other related issues. So no, periods aren't always 'normal' and something people can just 'get on with'. It would do us all good if we were a bit more honest about how fucking awful periods can be for some women. Not everyone can just pop a pad in their knickers a handful of times a day and carry on life as usual.

I think it’s very thoughtful and sweet of you. Minus the painkillers (she’s still very young) I think it’s perfect. Some people, as shown on this thread, would have hated this sort of thing, but you know your DD and if you think she would appreciate it then go for it.

I've lost count of the first period threads on here since lockdown started.

There's this narrative that periods are no big deal, just get on with it, we all get them, nothing special. And then there's also the fact that a huge number of women suffer from heavy bleeding, debilitating pain, and a number of other related issues. So no, periods aren't always 'normal' and something people can just 'get on with'. It would do us all good if we were a bit more honest about how fucking awful periods can be for some women. Not everyone can just pop a pad in their knickers a handful of times a day and carry on life as usual.

100% this^
And if you do have problems there’s very little that can be done anyway. Especially if you’re a teenager. You get prescribed the pill and often that creates more problems.

I think it's lovely. My mum announced to my very new step dad that I was in a funny mood because I had just started my first period. All she did was hand me a pad and that was that.

Wish you were my mum op

" It would do us all good if we were a bit more honest about how fucking awful periods can be for some women."

But giving her hot chocolate and magazines is just a bit 'there, there, take care of yourself' when actually, there is no reason to suspect at this stage that OP's dd won't just have perfectly normal periods with a bit of manageable, mild discomfort.

Would you consider putting in a book? There is one I'd really recommend called Reaching for the moon by Lucy H Pearce. It's aimed at those just starting. Her Moon time book might be good for you to, it really revolutionised the way I approached my periods. There is a cycle tracker on kickstarter too, which you're dd might find helpful. Cycle awareness is definitely something I intend to pass on to my dd (and hopefully my son too when appropriate). I think a box in her room sounds lovely and maybe add a note to say you're always open to talking about periods but also that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.

Surely no mother would put paracetamol in a box and just give it to her 12 year old?! It's a dangerous medicine! Wtf?

No you’re right, it was a spur of the moment thought as I was considering items to include and agree it’s a misjudgement which has been acknowledged and won’t be happening.

Oh god. I’d find that so cringeworthy. The hot chocolate in particular. I just provide the tampons and pads. I want the girls to see periods as just a completely normal part of their physiology. Not something that requires pity, treats or particular fuss. But that’s me.

Would you consider putting in a book? There is one I'd really recommend called Reaching for the moon by Lucy H Pearce. It's aimed at those just starting.

This sounds good, I will have a look. Thank you for the suggestion :)

I think its a lovely idea. My mum didn't talk to me about anything, just bought me a pack of pads and left me to it. I would have loved her to have been a little bit more able to talk to me. We only started having a proper mother and daughter relationship about 12 years ago, and then she sadly passed about 6 years ago, and I miss her so much. Only you know whether your daughter will appreciate this gesture, if you think she would, then PLEASE do it!! x

Hmph! All I got was a very embarrassed mum shoving a pamphlet at me that said something about giving your daughter some pain killers , letting her go to bed with a hot water bottle! Some hope! I just had to get on with , much like she did!

A box with pads, dark-coloured pants, the drawstring bag you mentioned for the laundry - nice idea.

Making her a cup of tea or providing paracetamol if she's suffering - normal level of thoughtful and kind.

Hot water bottles, hot chocolate, magazines - unnecessary imo.

Am I the only one who doesn't think there's anything wrong with a bit of self care during a 'normal' period?

Surely no one likes to bleed from their genitals and be in any form of discomfort whether it be mild or not. What's wrong with having a magazine and some chocolate in that scenario?

I have a mix of periods. Some are mild, some have been absolutely horrid, very painful and hormonal too. I've always got myself a little treat, chocolate, a new book, sweets I like or whatever, during them no matter where on the scale of 'normal' they fall.

Personally I think it us a ridiculous idea. As others said, with little treats such as magazines a a hot chocolate stash it sounds like a period is something to endure and sets up the expectation that she has to take things easy when having them. Unless there are issues and she is having bad pains that are causing problems having san pro ready and carrying on as normal normalised periods.

Personally I think it’s a bit of a cringe and making a big thing about something that isn’t a big thing.

I’d have hated it if my mum done that and my daughter would have hated it too.