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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you don't have facebook?

194 replies

Rayn · 07/04/2020 23:36

Can I ask why? I have just deactivated my account for the first time in 12years.
For the first time ever I feel it is negatively affecting my mental health.
I am struggling at the moment like alot of others and fed up of seeing the same thing.
How wonderful people's children are home schooling, pictures of lovely walks. How perfect and how well they are coping.
Then on the other hand it's negative and repetitive. I appreciate alot of it will be Coronavirus but I seriously need a break.
Only just holding things together at home and feel like I am failing.

For those of you who have never used it then why not?
For those of you who did and no longer use it then why did you not go back.

Deactivated and removed the app from my phone. So easy just to click on FB to what's going on but sometimes seeing and knowing too much does not do me any good.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Iwalkinmyclothing · 08/04/2020 09:44

I deactivate it every so often. Longest was a 9 month period, and I got so much shit from family and friends and parents of friends of the dc for not replying to invitations, knowing about plans etc, because they all assume everyone is on facebook. My mum shouting at me for not confirming in writing to my cousin that I had 'saved the date' for her wedding was the most ridiculous argument we have had since I became an adult, I think: I said I haven't had any 'save the date' card so maybe I'm not invited, she said "she put it on facebook and tagged you in it", I said I'm not on facebook and haven't been for months so wouldn't have seen it, she insisted I was rude for not sending a card to my cousin to confirm I was saving a date for an event I hadn't actually been notified of... Fucking ridiculous and I have worked myself up again now just thinking about it!

Theresnobslikeshowb · 08/04/2020 09:44

I was late to fb so have had it for about 10 years. I go on for a week or so, then I won’t log on for a month or more. Everyone are used to me disappearing for a while. But I find the whole ‘my amazing’ life thing quite tiring. I tend to jump on if I need something, need someone, pass on condolences or congratulations. I have 15 and 19 year old sons, and have always asked if I can put up a photo, as they both have social media but rarely put up photos of themselves, so I always give them be option and won’t if they say no. I’ve done that since they were 5 and 9 too, I like them to have the decision.

PanchoBarnes · 08/04/2020 09:55

I've had my fb for about 10 years.
I only logon to it about once every three years!
I keep it, just to not lose total contact.

Early on, I noticed that everyone always posted happy-happy, on vacation in beauty spot photos, for their profile
...so I uploaded one I had of myself with a crabby face, and a background of an ugly, dilapidated garage. Grin

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 08/04/2020 09:57

Love it Pancho.

Isawamagpie · 08/04/2020 09:57

Deactivated approx two years ago, and its the best thing I ever did.
I no longer spend hours scrolling, feeling in adequate, comparing my life, feeling compelled to tell everyone and anyone my every move, people cannot judge or bitch about me because they have no idea whats going on in my life unless I share it with them myself. Mental health is better.

It all came to a head with me when myself and my partner went to a really expensive hotel in Dublin and I posted pictures. This get away had been planned and paid for up to a year previously, when we weren't having money troubles. We had to borrow money to go, and scrimp and save whilst out there. To get the bus back to the airport we had to use our last pennies - but it had been booked and paid for, and if we didn't go we would have lost everything anyway. So off we went.

I posted pictures and the backlash I got from "friends" over Facebook was disgusting. I actually cried.
A few months later, another holiday we had booked before times became difficult, to Isle of Wight. I totally cancelled it and lost all our money because the thought of facing peoples scrutiny again was too much.

Until I realised I didn't have to tell anybody anything. I hit delete and my life became authentically my own.

A work colleague from 10 years ago didn't need to know I had been out for lunch/walk/taking a shit etc.

I did get lots of FOMO afterwards, and it was a difficult habit to break, before realising... real friends would be in touch. They would tell me about their life. If somebody wanted me to be involved in something... they could call, text, email, show up at my door.
My social life dwindled but I shrugged off alot of fake friends.

I don't miss it. I would never go back. I would love to permanently delete it, but I'm not sure how to save years and years of photos safely, and comments from people who meant something (eg. My father who passed away) - if anyone can tell me how that would be appreciated.

Finally to say, Facebook is beyond fake. One such example was I had a friend, she went on a luxurious holiday with these work colleagues of hers, all younger, all slim and pretty, my friend looked like she was having the time of her life. Photos on the beach, videos out partying, drinks, experiences, captions on her photos "living my best life" - the whole lot. On returning captions read "take me back, best holiday ever " love my girls" etc.

When I met up with her, she cried telling me she had never felt so fat and frumpy, that she had fallen out with a couple of the girls, that she wished she had never gone, she was looking a flights home most of the time, started talking about how they all have their eyebrows done and fillers and how it was so superficial etc.

A few weeks later, she was out with them again...
With freshly done eyebrows and fillers.

The whole posting on Facebook was completely fake, and her attempting to keep up with them just pressure she felt by trying to "live her best life"

When it couldn't have been anything further from the truth.

I honestly belive Facebook is just lies, and damages our mental health. Since leaving I know without a doubt, I'm not influenced by anyone else, my life is genuinely mine and I'm living it for myself.

I am also not tempted to "Facebook stalk" that is so damaging within itself.

YouTube videos explaining Facebook addictive nature, and Google searches "leaving social medla" etc is a big help for anyone making the choice to leave Facebook.

Scruffyoak · 08/04/2020 09:57

I deleted mine 3 years ago. Just got sick of it. I feel so free without it.

goldpartyhat · 08/04/2020 09:59

I love it because I keep in touch with my friends and family. If I didn't have fb I would have lost contact with so many friends and family members. My cousin lives with her husband and family in Vietnam and travels the world extensively. I love to see where she is, as much as seeing her sisters hobby and new house, cats etc. Also friends I've met through fb because of a joint issue with SN kids. The support is fabulous. I like some of the hobby pages, and my favourite hobby has a page where lots of my friends post. The increase in ads is annoying but I flip over those. The negativity re CV is a bit dark at the moment, but it increases my mental well being, not the opposite.

Bohomie · 08/04/2020 10:19

I deactivated mine in January.
Then I started up a new account here as I had deleted my old one here a few years ago when the security breach happened.
I needed something to replace my social media fix.

Rayn · 08/04/2020 10:23

Really surprised how many people have got rid of it. I have deactivated for now as I think I use it like a diary to remind me of things that happened so need to get pictures off etc.
My husband is always scrolling through so will be strange him sat there whilst I intend to keep off. His is mainly sports and cars as he rarely posts.

Don't really use Instagram although got it. Think that can go too.

Time to focus on my own life and start rebuilding the confidence Facebook has taken!

OP posts:
Scruffyoak · 08/04/2020 10:26

We both got rid of all social media. I dont miss anything at all. If anything I have better conversations with my friends rather than just assuming stuff was seen on fb.

Scruffyoak · 08/04/2020 10:26

Honestly stay with it and keep off and you wont believe how much better life is

HopeGrace · 08/04/2020 10:32

Like my privacy, worry about identity fraud and only want to share photos/ news and events with people I’m close to or need to know.

Rayn · 08/04/2020 10:40

It's annoying as looked for the app.on my phone earlier out of habit.
I got this. Looking forward to being oblivious to everyone else!

OP posts:
GregoryGrainneog · 08/04/2020 10:48

I deactivated it in January. I was mindlessly browsing other people's shite and rarely adding anything to my page. It just seemed to be a very negative platform and wasn't contributing anything positive to my life. I feel much better since I cut it out.
I do like Instagram, however. IMO, it's a more positive and creative space. I look at it twice a day, max and add more to my page than I would have on fb.

mochojoes · 08/04/2020 11:18

I left & moved to Insta & then FB bought that & are ruining it too. The value of their business relies on them selling to you hence all the bloody adverts, promoted banal influencers. Just waiting for them to feck up whatsapp too.

Ginfordinner · 08/04/2020 12:47

There is a lot of incorrect assumptions and misinformation on this thread. And a lot of moral superiority

I set up a Facebook account to monitor my children’s activity when they were young. When the youngest reached 13, I deactivated it. He barely used it and I’d stopped with the others to give them privacy

Why did your DC have Facebook accounts before they were 13 Winterlife, given that you have to be 13 before you have an account?

Yes, Facebook is full of narcissistic numpties. It is easy enough to avoid them. And if you have “friends” who do this you have the wrong kind of friends

None of my friends on Facebook try and sell stuff to me, none of them post ridiculous rubbish or silly photos. It is so easy to avoid this kind of thing.
a) I am choosy about who I accept friendship requests from
b) Anyone who tries any of the above gets deleted

Since the coronavirus outbreak Facebook has been full of extremely useful information about local companies and services, a lot of which is not advertised on any other platform. Also, under normal circumstances, I find out about and support local events that I would otherwise not know about via Facebook. I also get birthday reminders that I would otherwise forget about.

I don’t post about my family on FB, I don’t post trite stuff, I have found it a very useful way to sell DD’s old toys on the local selling page – far better than ebay or other online option because you at least get some kind of idea who is buying from you.

Like 1066veganI make Facebook work for me. A lot of eating places only advertise on Facebook. I find that I use it more for the groups I am in because they are a useful resource.

It is entirely possible to have an account and not post anything about yourself at all, just so that you can access information. It's almost like an extension of google these days.

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 08/04/2020 12:50

Deactivated years ago. I like my privacy, also I noticed I was comparing my life to the lives of people I barely knew.

thegcatsmother · 08/04/2020 13:02

Never had it as I was not prepared to be harvested for my data by Zuckerberg. I also have concerns about the effect of FB and the herd mentality it promotes in certain sections.

Staffymumma · 09/04/2020 08:03

I did it about a month ago, and have been so much happier since! After about 12 years of being glued to it, I feel free!

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