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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does my mum owe my money, or AIBU?

199 replies

Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 21:00

Genuinely conflicted on this, so need some non biased opinions.

I’ll try to keep it brief.

When I was in my early 20s my mum split with her then partner, she had enough money for a deposit on a flat but couldn’t borrow enough on her earnings alone so I went on the mortgage with her. She did not live there, she lived with her new partner.

I lived in the flat with a flat mate & we split the mortgage & all bills equally so mum had no expenses.

Two years later, she sold the flat for 30k more than she bought it for, she then went on to buy a house with her partner & I went back into private rental.

I gained nothing from it but I never expected/wanted to. It helped my mum out & I thought at the time, it didn’t really make any difference to my life so that was that.

Fast forward some years & I now have a partner & young children of my own. We have recently been looking into buying after being left a generous, but not huge amount of money from DPs nan.

Now going through the mortgage application, I have found out because I am not considered a first time buyer (because of the flat with mum when younger, despite no financial gain.) the stamp duty for us is almost 5k more then it would be if I hadn’t had that mortgage in my name. 😮

5k is a huge amount of difference!! & I never knew this!

Now my AIBU..!

AIBU for thinking my mum should be responsible for paying the increased amount? I can’t bare the thought of asking her & feel like I’m being a shitty person. But equally I didn’t gain a single dime from that flat but now I’m looking at being 5k down because of it and that doesn’t seem fair either?

YABU - it’s your responsibility to pay the extra
YANBU - your mum should help you

Thanks!

OP posts:
expat101 · 07/04/2020 23:47

I think you should talk to your Mum. Clear the air and your head.

If I was your Mum, I would happily pay for the additional amount you are being charged, simply because you helped me out in my time of need.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 07/04/2020 23:48

Why are people saying her mum owes her £15k she owes her nothing! Technically. Op lived in the flat paying rent, she wasn't paying the mortgage she was paying for a roof over her head. Her mum didn't make anything off it. As for selling up and making 30k profit again that's hers....I do think she should probs my give you some a a gesture for helping her out though, as it's now left you up shit creek while she's well and truly on the property ladder,

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/04/2020 23:48

Morally I would say that yes, she should pay your increased SD. She made a nice profit on the place your bought together, and that has directly impacted on your ability to buy now.

I would put the facts to her and see what she says. If she says she cant afford it (although I would wonder why she didnt just put it in savings if she was managing before) I would let it go. But if she kicks off then I have to admit it would change how I thought about her, that you could help her when she needed it but she cant pay that back.

IchbineinBerlinner · 07/04/2020 23:58

I think your mum owes you £15k. If I were you I'd point this out to her.

strivingtosucceed · 08/04/2020 00:05

I'm not quite sure how OP's mum owes her money. Yes, she was 'on the mortgage' but purely as a bolster to her finances, she didn't pay towards the deposit at all. OP had none of the risk of putting down the deposit and simply paid (probably below market rate) for a roof over her head. As some other posters have rightly pointed out:

  1. Would you expect OP to have given her mum 15k if she made a loss selling the flat?
  2. If OP was simply a tenant, would you still be annoyed that she got no part of the 15k?

IMO unless OP put a deposit down, she's not entitled in anyway to the profit, however her mum should have given her some money as a goodwill gesture regardless. AND, now it's come to light that she'll be losing out as a result, her mum should definitely contribute towards it.

Alanna1 · 08/04/2020 00:07

Just talk about it. Maybe she can lend you the money.

ScandiAuntie · 08/04/2020 00:10

Is the 30k profit profit made after she got her deposit back? If she put a 25k deposit down, but made 30k on the sale then she only made 5k profit. I’m not sure why you’re refusing to answer the question, it’s very relevant.

How on earth are you going to get a deposit back? Buying a house isn't like renting where you get the deposit returned when you move! We'd be quids in doing that every couple of years 😂😂😂😂

DelphiniumBlue · 08/04/2020 00:18

She did profit, you said that increase in value was 30k, while you and your flatmate paid the mortgage. So you should have been entitled to some of the profit. Your name couldn't have been on the mortgage only, it would have been on the deeds.
You should have been given independent legal advice as to who was due what in the event of a sale.
It's hard to say what you would have been due, it would depend on the deposit/ mortgage proportions, but I don't understand how come you were never offered anything . A solicitor could not just hand the proceeds of sale over to a single joint owner without the written consent of the other owner.
For those reasons I think you should ask for money now.

ScandiAuntie · 08/04/2020 00:18

SarahAndQuack

...and if a previous poster is correct that the property must have cost over 300k, I suspect it was below market rates.

You haven't read that correctly! If the stamp duty on the POTENTIAL PROPERTY is £5,000 then the INTENDED purchase price is £300,000. I even put the calculations there so it was clear where the £300k came into the equation.

I didn't mention the property her mother bought.

SarahAndQuack · 08/04/2020 00:20

I think maybe you've missed a few posts, @scandi?

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 08/04/2020 00:24

@lifestooshort123
Sounds as though you have a good relationship with your mum so perhaps you could give her the facts and ask her if she would be able to help you out with the £5k. Personally I would avoid using words like owe or debt - you helped her out when she needed it and it would be great if she could do the same for you now. She's either in a financial position to do it or not.

Yes. This.

Quizacabusi · 08/04/2020 00:25

Unfortunately for you the legislation means you are not a first time buyer but neither you or your mum would have been able to know about this benefit before it was put in place.

I think this is something you need to suck up.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 08/04/2020 00:25

@LolaDarkdestroyer
Surely technically she co-owned the house with her mum and her mum trusted her not to actually claim her legal ‘share’?

ScandiAuntie · 08/04/2020 00:26

as it's now left you up shit creek

Hardly up shit creek if a potential first property purchase is £300,000!

GrumpyHoonMain · 08/04/2020 00:28

No way would you have paid 500 pm all bills inclusive in a house share in the south east. You saved a lot of money

ScandiAuntie · 08/04/2020 00:28

I think maybe you've missed a few posts, @scandi? I certainly did. I went to make flour angels on the kitchen floor. Took longer than I thought it would.

CandyLeBonBon · 08/04/2020 00:28

Interesting.
I divorced and went into rented accommodation for 6 years.

I recently purchased a property and gave full information about my previous housing status (easily traced online anyway)
And was classed as a FTB so I'd look at alternative mortgage brokers if I were you.

I moved 18 months ago by the way

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 08/04/2020 00:29

I think you’re being ridiculous. Maybe it’s down to opinion. I would just move on and pay the stamp duty.

maddening · 08/04/2020 00:30

If you were my dd I would see that my profiting not only the equity being paid by my dd mortgage contribution and flatmates rent, plus security that flat was cared for, plus £30k increase in value, and that I could not have benefitted in this way without my dd, and as my dd is now financially disadvantaged due to that assistance from which I profited in both equity pay down and increase in property value, then I would not hesitate to assist my ds.

maddening · 08/04/2020 00:31

Dd *

locomoco19 · 08/04/2020 00:43

You could just word it to her like , mum because I took on a mortgage for you in the past, I am not considered a first time buyer and so would have to pay 5k stamp duty which I can't afford, is there anyway you could help me out wit that. This way she won't feel like you have demanded she pays but rather your asking for her help and am sure as a mother she would help you if she's able to

Apirateslifeforme · 08/04/2020 00:52

I know you've said that you're leaving, I'm not smart enough to get into all the information of owning property,
But is it possible to talk to your mum, and tell her that you've just found out that the old flat will put you at a disadvantage?
I just know that if DD was in that position because she had helped me, I'd want to help, even if i didnt have the whole 5k, if I knew I would figure something out, somehow.

I'm sure your mum would be horrified if she found out at a later date, knowing she could've helped you but didnt know that you needed help because you were disadvantaged by the hand you gave previously.

snowybean · 08/04/2020 07:27

Why is everyone saying £300,000 is expensive? If you live anywhere in (or near) London, where can you find even a studio flat flat for less?

MamaDane · 08/04/2020 07:32

She's your mum. She's probably spent a lot of money on you as she raised you.

I think this one is on you. YABU

LittleMcJiggle · 08/04/2020 07:35

I don't think I'd have asked for 15k and I wouldn't expect that. You'd have been paying rent somewhere else if not there I'm assuming and you didn't actually put anything into the purchase in terms of a deposit, you simply signed to assist your mother in securing the finances. So no I wouldn't have expected half when it sold.

However, I'd definitely ask your mum for help with this 5k now and if I were your mum and could afford it, I'd have no problem doing so. I probably would have given you something at the time tbh.