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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does my mum owe my money, or AIBU?

199 replies

Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 21:00

Genuinely conflicted on this, so need some non biased opinions.

I’ll try to keep it brief.

When I was in my early 20s my mum split with her then partner, she had enough money for a deposit on a flat but couldn’t borrow enough on her earnings alone so I went on the mortgage with her. She did not live there, she lived with her new partner.

I lived in the flat with a flat mate & we split the mortgage & all bills equally so mum had no expenses.

Two years later, she sold the flat for 30k more than she bought it for, she then went on to buy a house with her partner & I went back into private rental.

I gained nothing from it but I never expected/wanted to. It helped my mum out & I thought at the time, it didn’t really make any difference to my life so that was that.

Fast forward some years & I now have a partner & young children of my own. We have recently been looking into buying after being left a generous, but not huge amount of money from DPs nan.

Now going through the mortgage application, I have found out because I am not considered a first time buyer (because of the flat with mum when younger, despite no financial gain.) the stamp duty for us is almost 5k more then it would be if I hadn’t had that mortgage in my name. 😮

5k is a huge amount of difference!! & I never knew this!

Now my AIBU..!

AIBU for thinking my mum should be responsible for paying the increased amount? I can’t bare the thought of asking her & feel like I’m being a shitty person. But equally I didn’t gain a single dime from that flat but now I’m looking at being 5k down because of it and that doesn’t seem fair either?

YABU - it’s your responsibility to pay the extra
YANBU - your mum should help you

Thanks!

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 07/04/2020 21:36

I would also have given you some of the money made on the flat when it was sold in the first place.

I couldn't fathom why you hadn't received a share any of the capital gain on the flat at the time of sale - even if not 50%, as the deposit was hers.

LaPampa · 07/04/2020 21:36

How much was the deposit? And were you legally an owner? If so, wouldn’t half of the profit would have been yours on sale, and surely the solicitor dealing with it would have known that?

carly2803 · 07/04/2020 21:36

so you paid the mortgage and bills, and profited 30k?

id ask her. carefully!

Clymene · 07/04/2020 21:37

She should have given you £15k when the flat sold. You paid half the mortgage, took half the risk and should have got half the profit!

Your own mother has ripped you off Sad

flippityflobberty · 07/04/2020 21:38

Talk to your mum. Explain your predicament. You did a lovely thing for her.

But the onus was on you to do your homework when you signed those mortgage documents.

whattodo2019 · 07/04/2020 21:38

I think your DM should have spilt some of the equity when she sold the property. Of course you weren't going to think about the implications of your next purchase.
You helped your mum out!!!

Sally872 · 07/04/2020 21:39

If you had known would you have acted differently? I suspect you would still.have helped your mum.

I would tell your mum your problem and that being on the mortgage before means you have to pay additional 5k and it will put you back a couple of years. See if she offers to help. But I wouldn't directly ask.

MiniatureRed · 07/04/2020 21:40

I'd ask.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 07/04/2020 21:40

Ant believe some posters are saying you aren't owed anything. Tell me though if I've got this wrong !

Mum couldn't get a mortgage without you so you got a mortgage for half ?

Mum put down the deposit.

You paid your half of the mortgage and your flat mate paid rent to your mum (or in lieu of your mums share of the mortgage).

Your mum sold the house a couple of years later and took ALL the £30k profit PLUS her deposit back. ??

So as an example ..
Flat cost 150k
Mum put down £50k
You paid £500 x 24 months (2 years) =£12k
Mum paid nothing as mortgage covered by friends rent.

House sells for £185k and after legal /fees clears £30k profit . Having cost you £12k (fair enough, you lived in it) and her nothing - for a flat she couldn't have bought without you ?

No way OP. She owes you £15k and is a cheeky cow for not offering it at the time. Giving you the £5k you have lost out on is the least she can do !

Azadewow · 07/04/2020 21:40

Omg, I can't believe that your mum ripped you off like this!
You paid half the mortgage, she paid nothing at all AND pocketed the 30kprofit?! I am so angry on your behalf! She has royally fucked you over!!!

Doggybiccys · 07/04/2020 21:41

She took the piss when she pocketed the profit! She spilt with one DP, you helped her out, she moves in with other DP, you paid half the mortgage and she took the whole profit!! I get that you would have been paying rent anyway but that’s not really the point. And she could have rented to others - but that could have ended up with the house trashed, bad tennents etc.
You helped her at her time of need -it’s time for her to return the favour.

schafernaker · 07/04/2020 21:41

Mention it to your mum in a ‘it’s crap’ sort of way and see what she says. I know my parents would stump up if they were in a position to

whateverhappenstheremore · 07/04/2020 21:41

She doesn't owe you anything you need to write it off. You made a decision to help and then the rules changed. It's tough but not her problem

CastleCrasher · 07/04/2020 21:42

I'm not sure I understand the original arrangement. You say you went on the mortgage for your mum, yet it was you that lived there? So she paid half the mortgage, but never lived there? Presumably your half of the mortgage was less than rent on a similar property would have been, so you did benefit from the arrangement... Probably not by as much as £15k though!

I don't think your dm is you the 5k due to the first time buyer clause, but I do think you should have a fair share of the profit from the property!

Original poster
Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 21:42

Thing is we only have enough money for a deposit, we are still saving up for fees. So this 5k we didn’t expect is going to put us back a few years. Sad

If my mum had given me half the profit at the time she wouldn’t of been able to buy the house she has now. The flat was always a stop gap onto better things I think.

I do feel a bit silly though Sad only because I know how hard it is to be a property owner now. I wish I had tried to re-mortgage and buy her out at the time but I was particularly clued up or Interested tbh!!

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 07/04/2020 21:42

Another thing is - if your DM had a mortgage on the property but did not live there, did she have an owner/occupier mortgage or buy-to-let? I wonder whether she may actually have committed some kind of fraud if it was an owner/occupier mortgage.

BriseisPam · 07/04/2020 21:42

You don't need to straight up ask, just tell her about it somewhere inside normal conversation but let her know you're stressed about it? - oh our stamp duty is 5K more because I'm not first time buyer since my name was on flats mortgage too - I think from that she will either offer to help, or not. So you didn't ask for money but if no other way ask her can you borrow money from her...
if it's always been a good mother/daughter relationship I don't think mother owes DD anything and vice versa because you'd help each other out unconditionally Smile

Petiolaris · 07/04/2020 21:43

The FTB stamp duty relief didn’t exist at the time, so there was no way your Mum could have known it would leave you out of pocket later on. Sorry but you don’t get to sting your Mum for £5k just because the government brought in a new policy and you’re not eligible to profit from it. That’s not her fault.

HOWEVER you owned half of the flat but when it was sold your Mum pocketed the full £30k profit. That’s not fair. The profit (minus buying and selling fees) should have been half yours because you owned half of the flat.

Warsawa31 · 07/04/2020 21:45

Op how is your relationship with your mum? Is she clued ip with money ?
Personally from your posts I would guess you get on ok with her, there’s no bitterness in it. I don’t see what good can come of demanding money from her, in terms share of the profit did she help you out in any way eg give you a small deposit for a new rented place etc.

Supersimkin2 · 07/04/2020 21:46

Your mum owes you £15k so she's getting off lightly with 5k.

Has she helped you with buying this, your, home so far?

Petiolaris · 07/04/2020 21:46

If my mum had given me half the profit at the time she wouldn’t of been able to buy the house she has now
That’s not your problem. You were entitled to half of the profit. Truthfully I’d ask for your half and get a solicitor if she doesn’t pay up.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 07/04/2020 21:47

BoomBoomCousin I think I would disagree with you about the 50% . I think the OP is definitely entitled to this amount. I agree that the OP could not have owned 50% of the property without her mother contributing the deposit - but equally the mother could not have bought the property without the OP getting a mortgage for half of the remainder.

On the basis that the OP say her mother made £30k 'profit' I am assuming that she also received her deposit back in full. Therefore the only l cost to make the profit were mortgage payments of which the OP paid 50%.

spacepoppers · 07/04/2020 21:48

Ooooh tricky one. I would ask for a contribution and let her decide how much that should be, IMO maybe 50/50? So she bungs you a couple of grand. I mean, I know she put down the deposit for that first place, but without you signing your name on the dotted line she wouldn't have had it in the first place....

littlenamechanger · 07/04/2020 21:49

Why did your mum want to buy a flat that she had no intention of living in? Or did she put the deposit down so you would have somewhere to live?

Original poster
Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 21:49

In responses to questions

Our relationship is good & yes she is good with money.

I had met DP by the time I moved out & his parents offered to pay our deposit on rented so no she didn’t.

We’re still renting.

OP posts: