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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does my mum owe my money, or AIBU?

199 replies

Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 21:00

Genuinely conflicted on this, so need some non biased opinions.

I’ll try to keep it brief.

When I was in my early 20s my mum split with her then partner, she had enough money for a deposit on a flat but couldn’t borrow enough on her earnings alone so I went on the mortgage with her. She did not live there, she lived with her new partner.

I lived in the flat with a flat mate & we split the mortgage & all bills equally so mum had no expenses.

Two years later, she sold the flat for 30k more than she bought it for, she then went on to buy a house with her partner & I went back into private rental.

I gained nothing from it but I never expected/wanted to. It helped my mum out & I thought at the time, it didn’t really make any difference to my life so that was that.

Fast forward some years & I now have a partner & young children of my own. We have recently been looking into buying after being left a generous, but not huge amount of money from DPs nan.

Now going through the mortgage application, I have found out because I am not considered a first time buyer (because of the flat with mum when younger, despite no financial gain.) the stamp duty for us is almost 5k more then it would be if I hadn’t had that mortgage in my name. 😮

5k is a huge amount of difference!! & I never knew this!

Now my AIBU..!

AIBU for thinking my mum should be responsible for paying the increased amount? I can’t bare the thought of asking her & feel like I’m being a shitty person. But equally I didn’t gain a single dime from that flat but now I’m looking at being 5k down because of it and that doesn’t seem fair either?

YABU - it’s your responsibility to pay the extra
YANBU - your mum should help you

Thanks!

OP posts:
Pondlife87 · 07/04/2020 22:08

Whilst I don't think your Mum owes you anything, it is a crappy situation to be in.
Have you mentioned it to your Mum. You could casually mention the situation to her And see what she says. She may offer to help seen as you helped her out?

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 07/04/2020 22:08

I'm sorry but I think your mum has screwed you over royally.

The least she can do is find at least the 5k you need, whether she gets a loan or remortgage's her new place with her dp.

(You know like how you helped her).

Good luck op.

katsucurry · 07/04/2020 22:08

@stanski you're thinking about the additional stamp duty charge which is applied only when you own another property at the time of purchase.

OP is talking about the benefit of first time buyers to be exempt from any stamp duty charge (under a certain property value) but a buyer, can't have owned a property at all in the past to qualify, whether they own currently or not.

TheWordWomanIsTaken · 07/04/2020 22:09

I think your mum is morally obliged to pay this money. I wouldn't hesitate to pay it if you were my daughter.
You helped her out and she profited quite handsomely. There is no way I would leave my daughter out of pocket over something like this.
Speak to her

picklemewalnuts · 07/04/2020 22:09

Under what terms did you initially buy the property, as tenants in common? Joint whatever it is?

She put the deposit in, the property could have gone down as well as up. Who would have got the debt if it had done?

I'm not convinced she owes you 15k, you put in two years of mortgage (well one year, your mate paid the other) she put in the deposit. Presumably much more?

Maybe she could have given you your rent back after she sold it. That would be equable.

UnhappyMondays · 07/04/2020 22:10

I haven’t read the whole thread so notwithstanding any mega dripfeed, but reading the title, the instinct was “probably unreasonable”.

However, reading the OP you are reasonable to outline this consequence to your mum and if she is reasonable, she will volunteer to cover the £5k.

Good luck OP - sounds tricky but if there’s no voluntary offer of contribution then I guess you need to decide whether to pursue this or just write it off; I guess which route depends on the relationship you have with your mum.

Fwiw I think you should be reimbursed in this situation and I would feel obliged to ensure that if someone did me a favour they wouldn’t be out if pocket as a consequence, so YANBU morally.

wowfudge · 07/04/2020 22:13

I think she should have offered you something when she sold.

gingerbeerandlemonade · 07/04/2020 22:14

YABU

stanski · 07/04/2020 22:14

@katsucurry I am indeed talking about the extra stamp duty for additional properties.

The way I read the initial question that's where the 5k difference is. I've re-read the post following your comment and it could be either.

OP can you clarify - are you talking about exemption under a certain value being waived - or being counted for high stamp duty over the minimum threshold.

CoffeeandPainting · 07/04/2020 22:17

So, wait....

You didnt actually give her any money?

You paid the mortgage payments while you lived there?

She owes you nothing

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/04/2020 22:18

Was the mortgage you were paying lower than rent would be? If so, work out how much that saved you and it may make the £5k not so much a difference.

If you mum is in a position to help, I'd maybe bring up in conversation and see if she offers. I'd help my child if I could.

WhenTwoBecomeThree · 07/04/2020 22:18

Hmm, if the policy was in place at the time then YANBU, however as it wasn't, I don't think you can then say to your mum that she owes you 5k because of a new policy that neither of you knew about is in place.

If you both get along then have a chat with her and she may gift it you but I don't think she 'owes' you anything

Flowersforpowers · 07/04/2020 22:19

From what you've said here, I agree she should have given you £15k (possibly reduced by whatever percentage deposit she put in to it). On that basis, asking her to at least contribute to the £5k would be more than reasonable.

katsucurry · 07/04/2020 22:19

@stanski ah yes, I see what you mean. It could also be interpreted as the additional charge on second reading.

Alsohuman · 07/04/2020 22:20

Was the mortgage you were paying lower than rent would be? If so, work out how much that saved you and it may make the £5k not so much a difference

Completely missing the point. There wouldn’t have been a mortgage without OP.

Original poster
Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 22:21

@stanski I’m talking about first time buyers stamp duty deduction. Brought in 2017. Not additional property stamp duty.

Thanks all for your help, I will have a think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 22:23

Sorry guys but people are asking questions I have answered on page 1,2,3... I know people don’t tend to go through the whole thread but it’s all getting a bit confused. Thanks all for advice & clarification but I’m gonna leave it here x

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 07/04/2020 22:25

Completely missing the point. There wouldn’t have been a mortgage without OP.

Not missing the point Hmm. OP might have been living more cheaply. If there was no mortgage, then there would be no flat to live in at a cheaper rate than rent would be...

If it wasn't cheaper then OP has made no gain.

Mandatorymongoose · 07/04/2020 22:27

I think if you take the fact it's your Mum out of the equation:

A and B agree to buy a flat together.

A puts down all the deposit.

B pays their half of the mortgage.

A pays their half of the mortgage (by renting half the flat to C).

The flat is sold with 30k equity. How should this be split?

I think normally you'd either split the equity 50/50 or possibly with a slightly larger proportion, say 60/40 - 70/30 to A considering they put down the deposit (could be a reducing share but since it was only a couple of years thats not worth considering here). There's no way it would be reasonable for A to keep all the equity.

cabbageking · 07/04/2020 22:28

You must have signed to sell the house and to clear the mortgage.

She isn't responsible but you should have discussed your share when it was sold.

I would still broach the subject even though she has no responsibility to pay anything.

JKScot4 · 07/04/2020 22:30

You and your flatmate paid £24k of a mortgage for her and she walked off with £30k profit??
Why? just why?
She’s an ungrateful thieving cow and has a nerve not to offer you the ££!

SarahAndQuack · 07/04/2020 22:33

So you still don't want to say how much the deposit was?

I'm really sorry if I have missed it, but I've re-read the thread and can't find it.

And it's pretty relevant, isn't it?

Davespecifico · 07/04/2020 22:35

You would have thought that with you being so young at the time you were helping end out by becoming involved, that she would have wanted you to benefit from the property in some way.

I think you should, at the very least,feel comfortable to chat with her about the stamp duty situation and ask if she’d be able to contribute.

Original poster
Toddlertown · 07/04/2020 22:35

@SarahAndQuack how much the deposit was is irrelevant because I don’t want a percentage of anything gained from the flat. I just don’t want to be 5k out of pocket because of the flat.

OP posts:
mellicauli · 07/04/2020 22:36

5k is nothing over a 20 year mortgage..take a long term view..it's £8 a week..and inflation means in 20 years time that £8 will only be worth £5 today.

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