Does my mum owe my money, or AIBU?

[Toddlertown]

Genuinely conflicted on this, so need some non biased opinions.

I’ll try to keep it brief.

When I was in my early 20s my mum split with her then partner, she had enough money for a deposit on a flat but couldn’t borrow enough on her earnings alone so I went on the mortgage with her. She did not live there, she lived with her new partner.

I lived in the flat with a flat mate & we split the mortgage & all bills equally so mum had no expenses.

Two years later, she sold the flat for 30k more than she bought it for, she then went on to buy a house with her partner & I went back into private rental.

I gained nothing from it but I never expected/wanted to. It helped my mum out & I thought at the time, it didn’t really make any difference to my life so that was that.

Fast forward some years & I now have a partner & young children of my own. We have recently been looking into buying after being left a generous, but not huge amount of money from DPs nan.

Now going through the mortgage application, I have found out because I am not considered a first time buyer (because of the flat with mum when younger, despite no financial gain.) the stamp duty for us is almost 5k more then it would be if I hadn’t had that mortgage in my name. 😮

5k is a huge amount of difference!! & I never knew this!

Now my AIBU..!

AIBU for thinking my mum should be responsible for paying the increased amount? I can’t bare the thought of asking her & feel like I’m being a shitty person. But equally I didn’t gain a single dime from that flat but now I’m looking at being 5k down because of it and that doesn’t seem fair either?

YABU - it’s your responsibility to pay the extra
YANBU - your mum should help you

Thanks!

You owned part of the flat. It would have said what % of the flat you owned when you arranged it through the solicitor. Say 60 40% your mum owning greater amount as she put in a deposit. When sold you get 40% of the profit made.
Sounds like you just handed her everything.

But it's not irrelevant, is it?

You did not have the money for the deposit, and your mother did. You paid part of the mortgage, and you agree that was equivalent to rent. So the unequal bits are the profit (which you've told us about) and the deposit (which you haven't).

How can we judge without knowing both crucial bits of info?

Our relationship is good & yes she is good with money

The fact that your mum is good with money just makes it worse. She clearly knew what she was doing and that you were due a percentage of the profit.

She completely took advantage of you.

What exactly are you looking for from this thread?
You’ve been given a wide range of answers and are now saying just You’ll just leave it there.

To be paying £5,000 stamp duty your purchased property cost £300,000?

If you are spending so much as a first property together and the £5,000 really makes such a difference couldn't you just buy cheaper for your first property together?

Can you still add the stamp duty cost onto your mortgage repayment? That may sound appealing but a false economy if that is spread, with interest, over a 20-30 year mortgage.

She couldn't have brought the flat without you. You owned part of that flat via the mortgage you took out. On selling your mum should have taken her deposit back and then split the rest with you.

Is the 30k profit profit made after she got her deposit back? If she put a 25k deposit down, but made 30k on the sale then she only made 5k profit. I’m not sure why you’re refusing to answer the question, it’s very relevant.

Also, yes you paid half the mortgage, but you lived there and she didn’t, so that was fair, imo you should be entitled to half the profit minus the deposit she put in. If that’s the 30k you’re talking about then I agree with others, your mum massively ripped you off, whose idea was it she would keep all the profit? You say she’s good with money, which makes it even worse as she would have known you were entitled to this money, but decided to pocket it all herself anyway. I know you said you were happy to help her, but it sounds to me like you were quite passive and naive and just went along with what she told you to do without understanding your rights and the legal consequences.

On selling your mum should have taken her deposit back and then split the rest with you.

But that would be unfair to the mother, because she could have done other things with the deposit, and earned more. If she'd put it into shares, for example, she might well have had a substantial amount more than 30k after this period of time, even though the market hasn't been good. Even a fixed-term savings account would have increased the amount.

The OP does not seem to have had money for a deposit herself. Yes, her mother needed her - but she needed her mother, too.

I'm not saying the mother was right to take all of the profit automatically. But how we judge her does rather depend on what her likely profit from using that money in other ways might have been.

Same thing happened to me; I helped my mum out and I've never even seen the place (not been to the city it's in!). Now that I'm not a 'first time buyer' I'll be down big time once I buy my own home. I regret the whole thing.

Is your partner a FTB? If they are the lead buyer you are still eligible for FTB status and deals.

Your mum has really done you wrong here. The very least she should do is gift you the 5k. You say she is good with money, clearly she is, she hung her daughter out to dry.

A mortgage tends to be cheaper then rent so you probably gained from not paying market rent.

I wondered that too, @zoecarter. £500 for two flatmates sharing in the south east sounds a fairly small rent, and if a previous poster is correct that the property must have cost over 300k, I suspect it was below market rates.

£500 each for two flatmates sharing, that should say.

Things must of changed then , I bought my house with my now husband 6 years ago . We were classed as first time buyers , even though he once owned a house. But sold it years previously and had to move back in with his parents.

@natsel84 - yes, someone explained upthread. It changed in 2017.

People can’t read. The £300k refers to the property OP is buying - or hoping to buy - now.

Ah, I'm sorry, I misread that. Thanks for correcting.

I’m still confused. Were you a co-owner? If so you were just living in your own property and should have been consulted on the sale / given a share of the profit.

I think you should ask if she’d contribute all or part of the 5k stamp duty rebate you are missing out on.

You are missing out because you tried to help her previously and 5k vs 30k seems ok. I don’t think it’s relevant that you paid for the mortgage and bills, as you said the money was equivalent to commercial rental rates anyway

The £300k refers to the property OP is buying - or hoping to buy - now
If you can afford £300k as a FTB then you don’t need to argue over £5k!

We faced the exact same thing OP when buying our first place. My husband had helped his dad buy their house because FIL didn't earn as much but because it was more than 5 years since my husband had come off the deeds/mortgage, we were good to go as FTBers.

So uou went on the mortgage - paid the whole mortgage with a friend

Why didn’t you get 50% of profits

I know you said what you paid was the same as renting

But your mum got a property , didn’t pay anything on it for a few years then made £30k on it

And didn’t give uou anything

maybe I've missed the point of this thread surely if as 'first time buyers' you're buying a 300k house then what's 5k that shouldn't be unaffordable.

If it is... look for a cheaper house.

You arent a first time buyer you gained by living in the flat

Could you have the new house in your partner's name?