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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sit in his ex's garden today and 'have a beer'.

84 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 13:33

Hi everyone, hope you're all safe and well.

I have a 2yr long distance relationship with my partner. We usually see each other on the weekend but can't atm due to the current restrictions. My partners best friend is an ex girlfriend who he was with for a few years many years ago. They live close to each other and speak on the phone every day, she is in a relationship with someone else now.

I'm not threatened by their relationship in any way and get on well with the ex girlfriend.

My issue is this: In a telephone conversation this morning my partner told me that he is going to go over to the ex's house today where she has alloted him a corner of her garden, he plans to take her up on the offer and go for 'a couple of beers'. Surely this is not observing the current restrictions on social distancing?

He asked me do I think it's ok (part of me thinks he wants me to make an issue of it). I just told him he's a grown man and can make his own decisions, he knows the risks.

I'm currently not seeing him due to the travel restrictions and the fact that I'm an NHS worker working closely with Covid-19 positive patients.

I just wanted to ask your opinions on this. I'm not the Corona Police, but I thought this kind of thing was vetoed at the moment?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 05/04/2020 13:36

This was specifically mentioned as something we're not to do. There are people who can't see their own children or elderly parents. He has no reason to do this and is a selfish idiot if he does.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 05/04/2020 13:36

Is he bringing his own beer and chair? Or will he sit on the grass? Will he need to use the toilet while he’s there? Will he have to open their gate? Will he have to drive or use public transport to get there? Will he have to touch any gates or handrails or doors to get there? Does she have children who will forget the 2m rule and get close to him?

LockedInMadness · 05/04/2020 13:42

Well it's against the rules so I'd say he's a twat, sorry.

HaveAtEm · 05/04/2020 13:47

He's a twat...and you probably know it 🤷‍♀️

Lllot5 · 05/04/2020 13:49

I haven’t seen my mum, my sister, nieces or nephews. Children or grandchildren for weeks now, just like everyone else who is following the rules. I’m am not doing this so people can go sit in their mate’s garden for a few fucking beers.
I’m not sweating at you op I know it’s not you who is going but ffs.

Lllot5 · 05/04/2020 13:49

*swearing.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/04/2020 13:50

He's a twat... And a grown twat at that!

Mulanlin · 05/04/2020 13:52

They still have feelings for each other

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/04/2020 13:52

These idiots dibt seem to understand.... Of they don't mind getting sick... It's all the other completely observant people they'll infect....

The NHS staff they'll infect.... The health people that are going home to their shielded partners with MS/Cancer /mnd...

Can't he just speak on the phone...?? Is that too fucking diffocult for him??

I'm missing my pals but we're face timing

iheartislesofwight · 05/04/2020 13:55

the sun brings out the twats,

Original poster
DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 13:57

@Mulanlin whether they do or don't, what does that have to do with my post? Please explain?

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:01

I agree with all of your responses (apart from Mulanlin's, which has nothing to do with my post?!?). I don't even really understand why my partner told me. He knows I'm a frontline hospital worker who is seeing people getting very sick and dying of this illness now. A part of me thinks he wants to get a 'rise' out of me. For what reason, I don't know, maybe he wants to make it about his ex, but I would be angry no matter who he was planning to go and sit with!

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:03

I'd like to hear the opinions of the 9% who think I'm being unreasonable. Do they also think it's ok to go and have a beer in someone's back garden? Come on people, show yourselves!

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 05/04/2020 14:07

It might be the way you phrased the question. Your title asks if you would be unreasonable to go and sit in his Ex's garden today and have a beer, which of course would make you unreasonable.

You must be under a huge amount of stress right now. Why not tell him the truth that it os against the rules and he shouldn't be doing it?

Devlesko · 05/04/2020 14:08

He's a twat and looking for excuses to break the law, couldn't be with someone so shallow tbh.

AmelieTaylor · 05/04/2020 14:10

He’s breaking the rules

AND

He’s being a wank badger.

I’d probably dump him, but I don’t suffer fools OR people that deliberately try to hurt/upset me.

Thank you for doing your job, it’s much appreciated 🌷

Ethelfleda · 05/04/2020 14:13

I absolutely cannot wait until these morons cause the rest of us to have one of our very few remaining civil liberties taken from us. I shall do a slow clap on my doorstep every night at 8pm to let them know how proud I am of them and their lack of intelligence.

Irial · 05/04/2020 14:13

He asked me do I think it's ok (part of me thinks he wants me to make an issue of it). I just told him he's a grown man and can make his own decisions, he knows the risks.

Well he's a dick then, and a childish immature one at that

recycledbottle · 05/04/2020 14:14

I would be less concerned about the logistics of the garden and more about the fact he can live without seeing you but cant live without seeing her.

Sparklesocks · 05/04/2020 14:15

NHS staff are getting changed in their cars so they don’t risk infecting family members, surely not going to another persons house for a beer isn’t difficult

Roostersmum2 · 05/04/2020 14:17

Yanbu. He's a selfish idiot

TheGoogleMum · 05/04/2020 14:18

It's because of people like him they might ban exercising outside all together. Some people live in flats and need to ho on a walk get a bit of fresh air to avoid going stir crazy. He is being unreasonable

pooopypants · 05/04/2020 14:18

He's being a knob, a selfish twat who doesn't give a shit about rules or he thinks that they don't apply to him.

And I agree with PP - he has feelings for her. If he didn't, he wouldn't be sat in her garden when he's supposed to stay at home. That part IS relevant to the situation.

pltzsgrrb · 05/04/2020 14:18

@recycledbottle I agree.

I think he's being unreasonable no matter whose garden he is planning to sit in it's against the rules. I'd be dumping him for thinking the rules don't apply to him. Self centred people like this make me sick.

Original poster
DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:22

@BlackCatSleeping yes, you're probably right about the wording of my title, I should've said 'friend' but tbh, I know EX in the title will peak the curiosity of more peope (me, cynical..). Just to add weight to my argument, I have also had a run in with my teenaged Son last night because he wanted to go out and meet his friend. That was NOT happening. I don't have the same control over my partner. I agree with the majority here, he is behaving like a tw*t, regardless of who it is he's choosing to swig beer with. Thank you for your input :-)

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