Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To sit in his ex's garden today and 'have a beer'.

84 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 13:33

Hi everyone, hope you're all safe and well.

I have a 2yr long distance relationship with my partner. We usually see each other on the weekend but can't atm due to the current restrictions. My partners best friend is an ex girlfriend who he was with for a few years many years ago. They live close to each other and speak on the phone every day, she is in a relationship with someone else now.

I'm not threatened by their relationship in any way and get on well with the ex girlfriend.

My issue is this: In a telephone conversation this morning my partner told me that he is going to go over to the ex's house today where she has alloted him a corner of her garden, he plans to take her up on the offer and go for 'a couple of beers'. Surely this is not observing the current restrictions on social distancing?

He asked me do I think it's ok (part of me thinks he wants me to make an issue of it). I just told him he's a grown man and can make his own decisions, he knows the risks.

I'm currently not seeing him due to the travel restrictions and the fact that I'm an NHS worker working closely with Covid-19 positive patients.

I just wanted to ask your opinions on this. I'm not the Corona Police, but I thought this kind of thing was vetoed at the moment?

OP posts:

Chamomileteaplease · 05/04/2020 14:22

I think the fact that she is an ex girlfriend is irrelevant. She lives near him and is a friend and that's all there is to it.

I think the public are finding it hard to put together the fact that we have a 2m distance rule but aren't allowed to talk to our friends and family at a 2m distance. It is taking a while to sink in .............

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/04/2020 14:23

Bit odd - why is he even mentioning it, when he knows it’s a stupid thing to do. He’s being a dick

Redwinestillfine · 05/04/2020 14:23

I would tell him what you really think. He'll do it anyway burst least he won't then turn around and try and make out you were on with it.

goingoverground · 05/04/2020 14:24

Is it breaking the rules? Yes.

Is it actually doing anything that increases the risk of him transmitting the virus or catching the virus based on what we know about transmission so far? Not if he behaves responsibly, enters the garden from outside, stays further than 4m away from anyone in the household, cleans anything he touches (gate etc), doesn't go inside the house at all.

The problem is lots of people don't behave responsibly, which is why we need the rules.

Leflic · 05/04/2020 14:25

The fact that the ex has a boyfriend, who also she is also likely breaking the rules for means that’s at least 3 people who are potentially able to spread it.You don’t really know how lax the ex ( or even your boyfriend) is in other respects like hand washing, shopping or social distancing.

My friend went to see her mum the other day against the rules. However both her and her mum have been religious about isolating and hadn’t been further than the garden for 3 weeks. So truthfully they are less a risk seeing each other than me doing my weekly supermarket shop.

Enough4me · 05/04/2020 14:29

He's a twat, why else would he want to get a rise out of you?

You are his GF and a key worker - why would he try to wind you up?

goingoverground · 05/04/2020 14:32

It's because of people like him they might ban exercising outside all together

Is it? We can't allow people to do what he is doing because if we did, people would bend the rules and do things that are far riskier eg visiting family. On the other hand, if it means he isn't going for a walk in a crowded public space today, he's actually helping rather than adding to the problem.

That is assuming he can be trusted to stick the rules and behave responsibly when he is there so there is no risk of transmission and has no other options to get out in the fresh air. If he has a garden himself, he is a grade A selfish idiot.

Candyfloss99 · 05/04/2020 14:33

Wow get rid for him being utterly stupid and/or selfish

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:34

Just as a sidenote, as a couple of people have made this more about it being an ex he's going to sit with. 1. I added the word 'ex' to my post as I knew more people would read it (I always read posts with the word 'ex' in it, they tend to be entertaining! Maybe I should've just put 'friend', naughty me!! 2. I trust both my partner and his ex implicitly. 3. Her partner of 13 years and their two children will also be there. 4. I have holidayed and spent loads of time with my partners ex and her family, we are friends. This post is not about that dynamic, it's about the current restrictions that are in place.

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/04/2020 14:36

"He asked me do I think it's ok"
First thought I had was, 'you work in the NHS, he might actually be asking you a sincere question hoping your 'extra knowledge' would give him the go-ahead to do what he wants to do with a clear conscience'. My second thought was, 'of course he isn't or the OP would never have started this thread; something about how he asked, tone of voice or something else alerted her'.

So, why did he ask you? You said that "part of me thinks he wants me to make an issue of it" - why do you think that? Does he have form for that sort of thing? In particular, does he have form for passing responsibility to you rather than shoulder it himself? Could he be absolving himself with 'Well, DollyDream70 didn't say I couldn't, and she works in the NHS so she should know'?

TBH, he does sound like a bit of a prat.

ChuckleBuckles · 05/04/2020 14:37

You are his GF and a key worker - why would he try to wind you up?

This is the sticking point for me also, you must be under a great deal of stress, literally dealing with the effects of this pandemic everyday and this moron is trying to wind you up? Do you really want someone to pile on the upset when you are already so stretched physically and mentally?

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:38

@goingoverground He has a MASSIVE garden!

OP posts:

MintyMabel · 05/04/2020 14:41

I just wanted to ask your opinions on this.

But

Do they also think it's ok to go and have a beer in someone's back garden? Come on people, show yourselves!

You’re not really looking for opinions. You’re looking to show you’re a wonderful frontline worker who is following all the rules and these people aren’t.

famousforwrongreason · 05/04/2020 14:44

Why do you think that he 'wants a rise' out of you if this isn't about her being his ex?

My last bf was an ldr and he seemed to be best friends with all his exes, including very recent ones and daily contact with all of them, I thank god we we split up before this lockdown.

AlwaysAllegra · 05/04/2020 14:44

YANBU
How dare he? You are seeing people coming in extremely sick and dying. Your colleagues with children are being made to move out and not live with their families so they don't infect them, have we not seen 4/5 nurses die from helping the sick and catching covid19 and he's treating this like a bloody holiday.
Disgusting behaviour from him.

Separately, thank you for being a front line worker. Everyone here appreciates the sacrifices you are making even if your idiot OH doesn't.

Take care

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:45

@ChuckleBuckles You've hit the nail on the head, this is exactly how I feel. I am frontline staff, working with awful PPE with patients who are coughing and vomiting and are clearly going to die. I just don't understand why he would even mention to me that he was planning to do this? I also feel that he's getting bored of my constant topic of conversation, which at the moment is obviously going to be the virus and the terrible things I'm witnessing in the hospital.

I'm not seeing him at all for the forseable, maybe it's time I reassesed the relationship. I'm not sure I should be with someone who has little empathy and shows no support to the plight of the NHS. Flouting the rules in this way today and making a point of telling me about it just feels like he wanted me to get angry. I won't. I have a million other emotions to contend with at the present time.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:47

@MintyMabel The very essence of my sentence is asking for peoples arguments againgst my post. I want to hear the opposing view. Do you have an opposing argument? If so, give it!

OP posts:

goingoverground · 05/04/2020 14:48

Oh well, in that case, @DollyDaydream70 he is a MASSIVE twat. It's pretty low risk but if there is the option for no risk, he should be taking responsibility and doing that. I was assuming the ex had allocated him a corner of her garden because he had no garden. If he can get fresh air, exercise and a dose of Vitamin D at home in his own garden, he should do that.

Alialialiali · 05/04/2020 14:48

@DollyDaydream70
@goingoverground He has a MASSIVE garden!

Oh come on, you don't have to use euphemisms , we're all grown ups here!

Sex isnt everything. Leave him.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:48

@MintyMabel Sorry my grammar is awful, I've been on a late shift and should be in bed, but I'm so hyped up that I can't sleep!

OP posts:

avacadooo · 05/04/2020 14:50

Sorry but your partner is part of the reason we're all going to be banned from going outside so in my opinion that's a total dick move.

AlwaysAllegra · 05/04/2020 14:50

@MintyMabel
I feel like OP is saying how she feels and asking if she is being unreasonable to feel like this? Not sure if you are aware but there is a bit of an undertone in your post and it isn't a nice one.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:51

@Alialialiali HAHAHAHAHA!!! Thank you for that, you got my first chuckle in many MANY hours!!!

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 05/04/2020 14:52

Can someone link the actual guidance for not going to a relatives house, even their garden, please? My sister, nhs hospital worker currently with a corona positive patient on her ward, keeps going to sit in my 12 weeks shielding parents garden with her three year old.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:53

@AlwaysAllegra My feelings too, thank you for clarifying that I wasn't just being sensitive :-)

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4