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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To sit in his ex's garden today and 'have a beer'.

84 replies

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 13:33

Hi everyone, hope you're all safe and well.

I have a 2yr long distance relationship with my partner. We usually see each other on the weekend but can't atm due to the current restrictions. My partners best friend is an ex girlfriend who he was with for a few years many years ago. They live close to each other and speak on the phone every day, she is in a relationship with someone else now.

I'm not threatened by their relationship in any way and get on well with the ex girlfriend.

My issue is this: In a telephone conversation this morning my partner told me that he is going to go over to the ex's house today where she has alloted him a corner of her garden, he plans to take her up on the offer and go for 'a couple of beers'. Surely this is not observing the current restrictions on social distancing?

He asked me do I think it's ok (part of me thinks he wants me to make an issue of it). I just told him he's a grown man and can make his own decisions, he knows the risks.

I'm currently not seeing him due to the travel restrictions and the fact that I'm an NHS worker working closely with Covid-19 positive patients.

I just wanted to ask your opinions on this. I'm not the Corona Police, but I thought this kind of thing was vetoed at the moment?

OP posts:

Alialialiali · 05/04/2020 14:53

lol, good. Don't get wound up by him.

MintyMabel · 05/04/2020 14:54

I want to hear the opposing view.

No you don’t. You’ve made it clear you think you are right.

“Show yourselves!” Isn’t seeking an opinion you are interested in. Don’t pretend otherwise.

MintyMabel · 05/04/2020 14:55

Not sure if you are aware but there is a bit of an undertone in your post and it isn't a nice one.

Aye, alright.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:57

@CalleighDoodle www.gov.uk/government/organisations/public-health-england

This is the website where you should get all of your Covid-19 related information from, as this is the site that the NHS is getting there information from.

OP posts:

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 14:59

@mintyMabel you still haven't given us your view. Are you just here to be argumentative and obnoxious? Come on, give us your view on my post, otherwise we might just start to believe your just here to troll and that would never do would it?

OP posts:

Sunnywaves · 05/04/2020 15:01

@CalleighDoodle - From gov.uk

Coronavirus (COVID-19): what you need to do

Stay at home

Only go outside for food, health reasons or work (but only if you cannot work from home)
If you go out, stay 2 metres (6ft) away from other people at all times
Wash your hands as soon as you get home
Do not meet others, even friends or family. You can spread the virus even if you don’t have symptoms.

CinderellasSecrets · 05/04/2020 15:01

He sounds immature, my 4 year old likes to wind me up at the moment - telling me that shes going to do things she knows she shouldn't, because shes bored. Now admittedly your partner could be very bored too, however seeing as he is a fully grown adult and not a 4 year old child I think you should be asking him what exactly he was hoping to achieve with this.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 15:03

@MintyMabel do you have a problem with 'wonderful frontline workers'? Please elaborate on this comment.

OP posts:

FindMeInTheSunshine · 05/04/2020 15:03

Surely this is pretty clear:
Stay at home
Only go outside for food, health reasons or work (but only if you cannot work from home)
If you go out, stay 2 metres (6ft) away from other people at all times
Wash your hands as soon as you get home
Do not meet others, even friends or family. You can spread the virus even if you don’t have symptoms.

( from www.gov.uk/coronavirus)

Or to put it another way, there are four reasons you are allowed to leave the house:

You should only leave the house for very limited purposes:

shopping for basic necessities, for example food and medicine, which must be as infrequent as possible.
one form of exercise a day, for example a run, walk, or cycle - alone or with members of your household.
any medical need, including to donate blood, avoid or escape risk of injury or harm, or to provide care or to help a vulnerable person.
travelling for work purposes, but only where you cannot work from home.

( From: www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do)

So, yes, he's a thoughtless idiot.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 15:07

Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to express an opinion. I really appreciate the replies of everyone except those that just come here to be obnoxious. I can take anyone's opinion on board as long as they have a valid argument to back it up, so thanks to all of those that did that, and to the others, I hope whatever it is that's eating you gets better.. I really do x

OP posts:

Wehttam · 05/04/2020 15:11

OP sorry but he’s a selfish dick, which you’ve probably gathered by now. If he goes ahead with his visit, absolutely do not let him near you until Lockdown is lifted.

Harrysmamabear · 05/04/2020 15:11

To amazon or not
I’ve been told to stay indoors for 12 weeks, and cannot get any delivery slots, so I’m dependant on friends dropping stuff off for me. There’s some stuff that I absolutely cannot get from Sainsburys or local convenience shops, and some is constantly unavailable (adult sized nappies, gluten free stuff, paracetamol, vape stuff, alcohol wipes for injections) and I’m reluctantly considering amazon....but should I?
Does anyone here work for Amazon? Are their staff working in an environment were they can take every reasonable precaution to protect themselves? I keep reading that people are desperate to pay their bills and need their jobs, but I’m also reading that a lot of people are feeling like they’re forced into a working environment that isn’t safe?
Not to drip feed, I’m a disabled single mum of one with no nearby family. Domestic violence survivor, had to move miles away to escape psycho ex so we’ve kept our heads down to avoid him finding us, but now we can’t see our close friends we feel cut off and helpless. Out of 5 close friends, 3 shielding and other 2 live over 60 miles away

FlibbertyGiblets · 05/04/2020 15:13

Wind back to 'alloted bit of garden'. Is this recently 'alloted', is he going to be cultivating it to make a kitchen garden? That's a really good idea.

Harrysmamabear · 05/04/2020 15:13

Oh ffs new to this, was trying to start a new post sorry op didn’t mean to hijack your post, I’ll try again

Alsohuman · 05/04/2020 15:14

I think the public are finding it hard to put together the fact that we have a 2m distance rule but aren't allowed to talk to our friends and family at a 2m distance. It is taking a while to sink in

I completely agree with this and, if I’m honest, I’m struggling with the logic that it’s apparently OK for me to be two metres away from complete strangers but not my friends and family. But however illogical I might think it, obviously I’m complying.

Whynotdance · 05/04/2020 15:18

Yep. My neighbours have friends around to a drink in their garden, did the same last weekend. They also spent time with another neighbour, who is almost 80, and were in her house this week. They are not sitting away from each other - I unfortunately can see into their garden. I actually am not sure that they are even two metres away from my garden (small terrace house).

People are really grating on my this weekend.....

BlondieBeachBum · 05/04/2020 15:24

Of course he shouldn't be doing that! Or, is he soooo special that the rules don't apply to him?

If they are drinking beer, he's going to need a wee at some point. He can't go in the house. So, the Ex is going to get a little private show, isn't she?

I think he's trying to make you insecure or jealous.

BigChocFrenzy · 05/04/2020 15:29

"Do not meet others, even friends or family"

Should be clear enough
but twats keep making excuses for doing this, or for others doing this

imo, most of those people seem to disagree with the lockdown in principle

why should the young suffer for the old who'll die anyway in 5 minutes etc -

so they keep digging away trying to undermine it

.... of course, such irresponsible behaviour just makes it more likely the govt will tighten up the lockdown,
not abandon it

AcrossthePond55 · 05/04/2020 15:31

Sounds like my BFF's boyfriend (not 'partner'). Retired cop, thinks he "has this shelter-in-place 'thing' under control". Continually going to the shops, meets up with cop pals, then gets upset that she won't even open the front window to speak with him let alone have in him her house or back garden. And he rationalizes it all that 'he's just the type who can't be tied down' and 'he knows what he's doing'. He has at least 4 months worth of DIY and 'sprucing up' he could do on his house to keep busy and occupied, but no, he 'needs' to be out and about.

Your bf has his own massive garden, he doesn't need to sit in anyone else's. What this says to me is that the bottom line is that he's a just selfish twat. You'd have figured this out eventually, the crisis is just bringing it out sooner and more forcefully.

You are right to re-evaluate the whole relationship. Not because the garden he 'wants' to sit in belongs to an ex, but because he thinks he's entitled to do what he wants when so many of us are equally as frustrated but are doing the right thing for ourselves and for others. It's unfortunate that twats like him are also reaping the benefits of our good behavior.

goingoverground · 05/04/2020 15:32

I completely agree with this and, if I’m honest, I’m struggling with the logic that it’s apparently OK for me to be two metres away from complete strangers but not my friends and family

@Alsohuman It's because people will find it harder to maintain the rule with friends and family and it is not essential, unlike going to the supermarket. The 2m rule minimises risk of transmitting the virus but doesn't make it zero. The risk also increases with the time you spend with someone and the environment will also make a difference. If you spend time with family, you will possibly be in a poorly ventilated room, you will be with them for an extended period of time, you will be touching multiple things that they have touched multiple times, sharing a bathroom. If you go to the supermarket, it is better ventilated, you will be more conscious of maintaining hygiene, you will only be in 2m away from another person for a few seconds rather than hours.

Vanhi · 05/04/2020 15:32

I'm less worried about the actual behaviour and more bothered about why he felt the need to tell you. And I'd be using the time apart to assess whether or not this is going anywhere. Would you both be happy to be long distance for the foreseeable future? Would either of you move for the other one? Or can you quietly let this relationship fade?

londonrach · 05/04/2020 15:40

Wow, his relationship with her has not ended. He risks spreading the infection due to his need to sxxx her. This isnt social distancing. Yanbu. You know what you need to do.

daisychain01 · 05/04/2020 15:47

I don't even really understand why my partner told me. He knows I'm a frontline hospital worker who is seeing people getting very sick and dying of this illness now. A part of me thinks he wants to get a 'rise' out of me.

So you are dealing with life and death, pain and suffering every day, and all this twat can think of is how he can wind you about sitting in his ex's garden having a beer? Really?

What attracts you to such a shallow piece of dirt who has zero empathy for others' suffering?

Alsohuman · 05/04/2020 15:51

Thanks for treating me like an idiot @goingoverground. I was talking about sitting two metres apart in a garden, as described in the op, where it makes zero difference if the person is a stranger or your best mate. People tend to obey rules more readily if they can see the logic of them. However, I will continue to obey them when it’s literally life and death.

Original poster

DollyDaydream70 · 05/04/2020 15:55

Came here to see if my thoughts were unreasonable... general concensus is that they're not.. It's looking like I may be minus a (selfish twat) partner by the end of lockdown.

OP posts:

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