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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour keeps going in and out.

92 replies

Bee128 · 04/04/2020 16:33

Hi all, I get on quite well with my neighbour generally. When I spoke to him a week ago he said his work had shut down and was intending to stay in apart from food shopping - he also said he had enough food to live on for a while apart from top ups. Middle aged chap lives on his own.

Now I never thought I’d be this kind of neighbour who is observing when someone leaves and gets home again but he has been in and out for days. He parks his car up right outside half the day it isn’t there. I know he doesn’t have any family locally - we try and chat with him as much as possible so he isn’t lonely.

He does have friends nearby.

Aibu to find this really annoying? I haven’t been out at all in 2 weeks. Oh has been going to work but the neighbour told me that he had finished and it’s baffling why he’d need to go out so much!

It’s starting to really p**s me off to be honest. He is in and out all day!

OP posts:
bluebellation · 04/04/2020 16:36

Maybe he's volunteering and getting shopping for other people.

PatchworkElmer · 04/04/2020 16:37

You’re not BU to be annoyed, but you can’t control his behaviour- keep yourself safe and try to ignore him.

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 04/04/2020 16:37

You don't know what he's doing.

He might be volunteering to help people that can't get out and about.

Unless you know for a fact he is doing stuff he shouldn't be, then I think yabu, sorry!

RonnieBarkingMad · 04/04/2020 16:37

Same as my neighbours. They’ve been off gallivanting here, there and who knows where and their screaming grandchildren are over at theirs every other day.

YANBU to feel pissed off.

But unfortunately, you have no control over your neighbours life or what he does. I would suggest fume silently for now and store up the fuming when this is all over when you’re considered to do neighbourly things, like accept parcels on his behalf if he’s not home, instead of them being sent all the way to the depot

Sceptre86 · 04/04/2020 16:37

You have way to much time on your hands to be noticing other people's comings and goings. Focus on yourself and your own family, maybe take up learning a language or another hobby. Your form of neighbourhood watching is less than ideal. I would hope that he is aware of the government issued guidelines by now but you are not the police and have no right to be watching his movements.

Sceptre86 · 04/04/2020 16:38

You are being very unreasonable!

Original poster
Bee128 · 04/04/2020 16:40

@Sceptre86 his car space is right outside my large kitchen window so can’t help but notice him going in and out!

It’s just odd how only last week he said that he has full intentions of staying in most of the time as he has underlying health issues!

OP posts:
maryelizabeth71 · 04/04/2020 16:40

Yes, you are being unreasonable. It’s none of your business what your neighbour is doing.

Users5685 · 04/04/2020 16:40

You need to mind your own business.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 04/04/2020 16:42

I just saw 2 young women wandering into next door with "baby boy" balloons and gift bags and there are several extra cars parked up so looks like either a baby shower or welcoming the new baby Hmm
Absolutely fuming as either a pregnant woman or newborn is potentially being exposed.

In your case however i would say as other posters have that you really dont know what he is doing so you cant jump to conclusions.

PurpleDaisies · 04/04/2020 16:43

You need to find something else to occupy yourself with.

cabbageking · 04/04/2020 16:44

He may be shopping for others, may be walking their dogs, may be volunteering somewhere, may have stress or mental health issues where he needs to get away. I help at a food bank and my neighbours will see me going out several times a day. To collect food, to deliver it. to move surplus to the next place, to sort food and take waste to the animals, or sometimes when a supplier has a supply of something.
Sometimes the food goes to the kitchens to make be cooked and frozen. Sometimes waste goes to others.

Then I need to do my own shopping once a week, collect prescriptions and deliver them. To the outside world I may be going in and out some days but I have a reason

bullyingadvice2017 · 04/04/2020 16:47

Oh I bet my neighbours are saying that about me. I go to my 2 grandma's to drop shopping off etc.. Also to deal with whatever crisis they are having that day.... today it's been a freezer defrosted all over the floor for one and a fall for the other so far.

I also nip up to work every day with whatever shopping or prescriptions they need.

Trying to get my own shopping at the same time as I do it for others.

I have a dog who luckily can come to all three above places with me and is lucky enough to be able to have a run round outside in the gardens. So I take him with me.

My neighbours will for sure be bitching about me in and out lots. They have no idea what is going on in my life.... Just as I haven't them.

I also really hope the ones who chat don't do so as I live on my own and they think I might be lonely.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 04/04/2020 16:47

🙄

Newkitchen123 · 04/04/2020 16:50

Mind your own business

iklboo · 04/04/2020 16:51

This is what we've become

Neighbour keeps going in and out.
WtfIsThisEven · 04/04/2020 16:53

Now I never thought I’d be this kind of neighbour who is observing when someone leaves and gets home again

Yet here you are. Congrats.

Honestly the amount of people now keeping tabs on their neighbours and stalking their every move is insane!

Don’t you have a life? Can’t you find something else to occupy your time other than staring out your window all day waiting for your neighbour to leave? Would you like some Netflix recommendations?

Mydogsnotfat · 04/04/2020 16:58

Our neighbours perhaps think the same of us. I am still working outside the home but the nature of my job means I am in and out erratically and do the remainder at home. Daughter working in a hospital lab, strange shift pattern and only just started so previously visits to HR. Pony to see to, dog to be walked and shopping but as infrequently as poss. All adds up if someone is watching but all as distant as possible.

mencken · 04/04/2020 17:03

that's terrible about the women going to a baby shower. Someone really stupid is breeding, as if she wasn't stupid she would not let them in.

worrying times.

iloveruby · 04/04/2020 17:04

YANBU to notice what your neighbour is doing or having a view on it - we are all impacted by the behaviour of others, now more than ever and it is incredibly infuriating when other people continue to behave so selfishly.

However, as other posters have said you dont have all the information, so he could be volunteering or helping others (although that would be an interesting choice if he does have underlying health conditions).

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 04/04/2020 17:04

Have you tried going out for a walk yourself OP? You are allowed to do that, you don't have to solely stay inside for 2 weeks :)

Ilovemypantry · 04/04/2020 17:07

@Sceptre86
you have way too much time on your hands

Sorry, but I just found this remark to be hilarious!

PenisBeakerDipper · 04/04/2020 17:09

Some of these posters would make great Alan Bennett characters, “fuming” at the apparent trespasses of others.

Maybe take up makrame instead?

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 04/04/2020 17:10

I honestly think MNHQ needs to start a ‘Curtain Twitcher Corner’.

Ilovemypantry · 04/04/2020 17:14

I can actually understand where you’re coming from OP. These are very weird times and things that weren’t the least bit important to us a few weeks ago suddenly become very important, especially if you are someone who is trying to follow the guidelines and observe someone who doesn’t appear to be. For those of us that are at home a lot of the time with not much to occupy us, it’s only natural to notice what neighbours are up to.

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