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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask is this fair re DP and rent?

152 replies

Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 17:01

I know this has been done a lot but I just want to see what others think.

DP and I have been together approx 2 years. We get on very well. I have 2 kids he doesn't have any. Before cv, I was earning about 4 times more than him per month.
Since cv he has been living with us which has been lovely. He has been really helpful with the kids and generally very lovely.
We have agreed that he will live with us while schools are shut and both our work is affected. He will pay one third of our food bill, household bills and rent.
This will leave him with very little disposable income after his own outgoings.

Is that too much?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 17:03

I should say that my income has taken a hit and become very unpredictable since cv so I am not in a position to accept less.

OP posts:
Drpeppered · 03/04/2020 17:03

I think if it’s leaving him with nothing and no ability to save, then yes it’s too much. Especially if you earn 4 times what he does.

Drpeppered · 03/04/2020 17:04

Posted before your update...if you can’t accept less then you can’t accept less

Candyfloss99 · 03/04/2020 17:04

Does he still have to pay rent elsewhere while he's living with you? It sounds fair enough, does he think it's fair?

mollibu · 03/04/2020 17:04

I think it is a bit mean leaving him with very little disposable income, OP. What % of his monthly salary would it be?

CodenameVillanelle · 03/04/2020 17:05

What would you have done if he wasn't living with you?

Candyfloss99 · 03/04/2020 17:05

If you can't accept less then what would you do if he didn't move in?

DuchessOfBeddington · 03/04/2020 17:05

If it also leaves you with very little disposable income, then it’s fair and YANBU. However if you have loads left over and he’s struggling then YABU.

StoorieHoose · 03/04/2020 17:06

What would you do if he wasn't on the scene re rent? You rent hasn't gone up with the addition of one extra person

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 03/04/2020 17:06

Depends. Is he still paying rent/mortgage elsewhere? If so, then yes, expecting contribution towards rent is perhaps too much especially if it leaves him with nothing, but contributing to bills and food is entirely reasonable.

ShrimpyTheGnome · 03/04/2020 17:07

To make it truly fair, wouldn't he pay 20%? The bill total should be amended to reflect the current situation though.

WorraLiberty · 03/04/2020 17:07

I agree with PP's. It does depend on what he's paying elsewhere.

Also, will he be providing you with childcare/helping with the home schooling?

Thehop · 03/04/2020 17:07

Have your bills gone up much, having him there?

BlueCheeseNoWay · 03/04/2020 17:08

If he's paying bills on another place then it's not fair.
Wait till you move in properly and just accept a token amount for the time being. 🤷🏼‍♀️

clareOclareO · 03/04/2020 17:08

What would you do if it was the other way around, he earned four times what you did? Would you think it fair to use all your income in this way?

Quickquestion2020 · 03/04/2020 17:09

If hes still paying Bill's for a separate place then he should only pay the increase in your bills. If hes not paying towards another place then its fair.

BlueCheeseNoWay · 03/04/2020 17:09

Also can't imagine he's using much extra really and he's giving you free childcare.
Works both ways.

NailsNeedDoing · 03/04/2020 17:10

Does he have rent where he was living before?

If you know it’s temporary, I wouldn’t charge anything tbh, I’d just expect him to contribute through the grocery shopping.

WickedlyPetite · 03/04/2020 17:10

Well... you're say you're not in a position to accept less.

So what does it matter what we think?

If you're not in a position to accept less - he either agrees or moves out again.

DianaT1969 · 03/04/2020 17:11

Where was he living before? Is it rent or your mortgage? Just be careful not to spoil a good relationship over money. CV is a temporary situation.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2020 17:14

What they all said, what’s he paying elsewhere, how would you have coped without him or if you split up, or he couldn’t afford it, why are you asking if you don’t think you have an option?

He’s taking on a lot as an overnight live in step parent, leaving him skint isn’t going to make this easier on him.

zigaziga · 03/04/2020 17:17

So if he hadn’t moved in you’d need to take a mortgage holiday etc?
I’m not sure really it’s ok that he bridges any gap.

Has he stopped paying his out rent/ mortgage?

I’m not sure it’s fair if he has little left over, because it’s basically like he’s just subsidising your lost income. It depends I suppose... whether you do see yourself now as one family or not.

Herpesfreesince03 · 03/04/2020 17:18

If he’s still got the rent and bills to pay on his own place, then no, it’s not fair. He should only be paying the increase in your bills with him being there, he shouldn’t be paying towards your rent or the bills you have now. And what do you mean you can’t accept less? So what happens if he doesn’t move in?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 03/04/2020 17:18

Assuming he is still paying elsewhere, the fairest thing to do would be for him to pay a third of food and bills, which will be up a bit because he is there, but you pay the rent, as you would have to if he wasnt on lockdown in your house.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 03/04/2020 17:20

If he is paying full rent elsewhere, I would not be charging him rent additionally. I would say fair to pay for food and a share of utilities, maybe 1/4 instead of 1/3. Why can't you accept less than that?