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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask is this fair re DP and rent?

152 replies

Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 17:01

I know this has been done a lot but I just want to see what others think.

DP and I have been together approx 2 years. We get on very well. I have 2 kids he doesn't have any. Before cv, I was earning about 4 times more than him per month.
Since cv he has been living with us which has been lovely. He has been really helpful with the kids and generally very lovely.
We have agreed that he will live with us while schools are shut and both our work is affected. He will pay one third of our food bill, household bills and rent.
This will leave him with very little disposable income after his own outgoings.

Is that too much?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:56

My income has been halved in the last 3 weeks and in the months leading up to this I have been putting all my money into a house deposit which I don't want to touch

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:57

Which of course I could do but currently in the process of conveyancing so that has added to stress

OP posts:
ShellsAndSunrises · 03/04/2020 18:57

Tell him to go home.

Don’t rely on him to be around to pay your rent, or contribute. It sounds like he’ll get bored of it quickly.

When I moved in with DP, he had a mortgage and I had rent. I paid half of food and half of bills. When I stopped paying rent, I paid all of food, some bills and our entertainment - which worked out at about 50% of our costs, but I didn’t pay the mortgage because I had no security here.

Now we’ve been together for a while and are engaged, we both just pay half of things. We were in the process of getting a joint account when lockdown happened, but we’ll sort it afterwards.

I don’t know if that helps you at all, though, as there are no kids involved. If there were, if would have had to be split differently.

Do you get maintenance for the kids?

Dipi79 · 03/04/2020 18:58

I don't think what you're asking is unreasonable at all.

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:58

I mean I can't touch it as I need it for when / if the purchase goes through

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/04/2020 18:58

Why is he not just offering to contibute/help/give?

Because he's thoughtless and has got rather too used to sponging off others?

Tell me, does he know what your salary status is? I'm just trying to work out how much of this is unthinking selfishness and how much may be calculation on his part

tara66 · 03/04/2020 18:58

Sorry - did you say he spends £350 a month on Netflix?

SandyY2K · 03/04/2020 18:59

Which is it? These statements are incompatible as £500 is a LOT of disposable income

It depends on your standard of living and lifestyle.

I don't think £500 is a lot per month. That's approx £125 a week.

That's the disposable income of the poor families on rich house poor house, even though £500 is for him and not a family.

It's a matter of perspective.

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:59

Thanks dipi.

No no maintenence

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:00

He knows exactly how much I was earning and exactly what has happened to my earnings during corona.

No not 350 on Netflix Grin that includes vehicle costs, savings and phone

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/04/2020 19:02

Look the top and bottom of it is, he needs to tip up and if he won't or argues about it he can to home and you'll see him when this shit is finished with.

You migh have to dip into your savings. Save for house when people stop dying of deadly virus. It's nuts to go into the red when you have savings.

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:04

I would use the house deposit but equally don't want the purchase to fail because of that... I will do if I need to.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 03/04/2020 19:05

So he eats a lot has barely paid for anything when you were earning a lot and is now fighting over paying anything that still leaves him with a hell of a lot of disposable income

And people think YABU!

Dishwashersaurous · 03/04/2020 19:07

Is he moving into the house that you are buying and are you doing it jointly?

If not then are you both actually in this for the long haul

Arnoldthecat · 03/04/2020 19:07

I think he needs to stay at his home and you at yours..

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:08

I think you've hit the nail on the head there quartz

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:09

The plan is that I buy my house and he will buy his own place once he has saved up the deposit but corona has thrown it all up in air and now we are living cheek by jowl arguing about the cost of a lidl shop Confused

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 03/04/2020 19:12

To be honest, he would be financially better staying at home.

Apart from spending time with you during lockdown there's nothing in this for him and he's out of pocket living with you, when he has a free place at home.

Considering he could ultimately lose his job with coronavirus, it would be much wiser staying with his parents and saving the money.

This is not a time for anyone to increase their outgoings.

I'm sure had you made the required contribution clear before he moved in, he may not have come to stay.

HeckyPeck · 03/04/2020 19:12

Is it a permanent move or is he just moving in temporarily to help with the kids whilst the schools are closed?

If it’s temporary and he’s helping with the kids, I’d say contributing whatever he costs in food (1/3 is probably about right as you have 2 kids but they’re only their half the time) and extra cost on utilities etc (not sure how you’d work that though as no idea how much an extra adult adds to these things) but I don’t think he should pay towards rent if it’s temporary and he’s done it to help you out.

If it’s permanent I’d say:

Work out what percentage your income is of the household income. Add up all joint bills then pay proportionately to income.

Skittlesss · 03/04/2020 19:13

£500 a month disposable income is more than enough... given that we’re on lockdown so it’s not like he’s hitting up maccys every day or going shopping for computer games etc.

Dishwashersaurous · 03/04/2020 19:14

As the deputy medical officer said - now is the time to test your relationship.

Testing doesn’t always result in success

applecrumbler · 03/04/2020 19:15

1/3 seems huge!

SharonasCorona · 03/04/2020 19:18

It's really not @applecrumbler - read the thread

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:20

Does it really though? Half the week I am working long hours from home in my sons bedroom so he has the rest of the house in which to potter / play fifa / Potter. The other half of the time he is helping with the kids so more squashed etc I grant you

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Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:21

Thanks Sharon as corona.

Yes he would be financially better off doing lock down at his parents. However he would also be confined to a small room and generally lose his shit living with them in lockdown.

OP posts: