Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask is this fair re DP and rent?

152 replies

Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 17:01

I know this has been done a lot but I just want to see what others think.

DP and I have been together approx 2 years. We get on very well. I have 2 kids he doesn't have any. Before cv, I was earning about 4 times more than him per month.
Since cv he has been living with us which has been lovely. He has been really helpful with the kids and generally very lovely.
We have agreed that he will live with us while schools are shut and both our work is affected. He will pay one third of our food bill, household bills and rent.
This will leave him with very little disposable income after his own outgoings.

Is that too much?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:22

And I am grateful he is here and helping out but I don't want to fund it.

OP posts:
SharonasCorona · 03/04/2020 19:30

No problem. Please don't fund it. Your priority needs to be your kids and you.

And we have had a bit of a row about it cause I wanted to work it all out properly and wanted to 'chuck some money in my account a few times a month' which fucked me right off.

Nope, it needs to be a fixed amount on a fixed day. Takes 2 minutes to set up a regular payment on online banking.

How much does his car cost each month? Is it just the insurance he needs to pay? Petrol can't be much as he's not working.

cstaff · 03/04/2020 19:33

Of course he should be paying his way and a third seems perfect to me, particularly as the kids spend half the time at their dad's. I presume he has a bigger appetite than them also. He will become a CF If you let him away with this much longer.

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 19:34

Car is 150 and no, no fuel costs atm.

Thanks for support all. I think if he has a problem with it or I have to ask him more than once for it I will ask him to go home.

OP posts:
updownleftrightstart · 03/04/2020 19:37

But if he goes back home, how will you pay for everything on your reduced wage?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/04/2020 19:37

The plan is that I buy my house and he will buy his own place once he has saved up the deposit

That may be your idea of what's planned, but somehow I doubt it's his. Why would he take on all the costs of home ownership if he can go straight from DPs paying for everything to you doing the same?

Unless of course he really has been saving like mad for a deposit ... ?

FrivolousPancake · 03/04/2020 19:41

You don’t sound overly fond of him so I wouldn’t bother getting into it. Focus on yourself and your kids.

CrazyToast · 03/04/2020 19:42

£500 is loads of disposable income, my god I live in a different world to some of you lol. If he has £100 left over to play with he's lucky, when you think of what some people are living on.

Dillydallyingthrough · 03/04/2020 19:43

I think hes trying to take the piss. I think what you have said I'd fair, but I'm more surprised that as an adult he hasn't offered to pay his way. I wont comment on the £500 because to some it's a lot to others it's not much, it depends on what you are used to.

GrannySlippersAreAStepTooFar · 03/04/2020 19:44

When you have to ask people to behave in a decent way, it's not promising is it.

KellyHall · 03/04/2020 19:46

If he's happy to pay it, there's no problem. You're in an adult relationship so you both understand responsibilities and I'm sure if he needs your financial support in the future, you'll reciprocate.

GrannySlippersAreAStepTooFar · 03/04/2020 19:49

Why should she reciprocate, he's just paying his own way.

PainauChocolat12 · 03/04/2020 19:56

Seems reasonable to me. I’m lucky if I have £50 a month to play with. £300/500 is loads. Especially in lockdown!!!!

Cheesepleas3 · 03/04/2020 20:03

You don’t sound overly fond of him

He went from being totally lovely in the OP to being a greedy, lazy, tight, pig of a man who stays at home with his parents when everyone reckoned OP was being U 😂

Noconceptofnormal · 03/04/2020 20:09

Bleurgh. Sack him off OP. He earns rubbish money and lives with his parents so that's hardly a flying start to his credentials. Then it sounds like pre corona he ate you out of house and home without offering you anything for it. And then he thinks is unreasonable to only pay a third of your overall bills even though it sounds like he will cost more as it sounds like he'd eat more than half the food.

I would charge him 50/50 on everything on the basis that he's an adult and it's either a partnershop or it isn't. He won't pay that though so I'd be getting rid of him.

Herpesfreesince03 · 03/04/2020 20:15

@Cheesepleas3 yeh, I’m taking everything the op says with a pinch of salt now. The thread doesn’t even make sense now she’s added all those other details after everyone told her she was out of order

anxiousbean · 03/04/2020 20:21

I think it sounds perfectly fair to me. It is irrelevant that he doesn't pay anything at home - you are not his Mum!

updownleftrightstart · 03/04/2020 21:06

Bills won't have gone up that much. Before you were earning 4x more than him, so well over 4k I'm assuming. You must have so much in savings given you're comparatively low outgoings but don't want to touch that to the extent you're now arguing over the cost of a lidl shop and expecting him to pay 1/3 of your rent even though he is only there temporarily and is helping with childcare?
Am I missing something because I don't see how he is being unreasonable at all, especially if he is still having to pay a certain (albeit small) amount to his parents.

Hollyhobbi · 03/04/2020 21:37

@CodenameVillanelle I live in Ireland so not aufait with all the Government guidelines in the UK.

Hannah021 · 03/04/2020 21:43

It seems reasonable.
After all, what u receive is your business, he's only paying for his living.

Dont do anything that will cause you to be upset u if he cheats.

cochineal7 · 03/04/2020 21:45

YANBU. But the thing that gets me most is: he should have offered.

Candyfloss99 · 03/04/2020 21:50

Surely he's moving in to help you out. Sounds like he'd have an easier time at home without 2 kids to help with. If he's planning to buy his own house and you are planning to buy your own house then why would he want to be paying your rent during lockdown? You clearly don't see an immediate future together.

Cheesepleas3 · 03/04/2020 21:54

@Herpesfreesince03 exactly Hmm

Tohaveandtohold · 03/04/2020 22:31

Surely he’ll be better off at home. I can see where he’s coming from. If he’s in your house then it’s your rules but I can’t see what’s in it for him. He goes from having a job with 100% salary, paying no bills and having a room to himself in his parents house to being uncertain about his job so earning 80% salary, paying around £600 pcm in bills, having to look after 2 children and sharing a bedroom with you. I mean it’s not as if your rent would increase just by him moving in.
You have every right to demand that be pays however if I was in his shoes, I would move back in with my parents . At least after the 3 months is over, if he has no job then at least he would have saved more and won’t have to worry about paying any bills

HollowTalk · 03/04/2020 22:41

Stay strong, OP. He has been thoroughly spoiled by his parents. He now can't see why he shouldn't be spoiled by you.

It's at times like this that we see someone for what they're really like. He is wanting to sponge off you, when you are a single mum who is struggling financially. A decent man wouldn't do that. You know that.