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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask is this fair re DP and rent?

152 replies

Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 17:01

I know this has been done a lot but I just want to see what others think.

DP and I have been together approx 2 years. We get on very well. I have 2 kids he doesn't have any. Before cv, I was earning about 4 times more than him per month.
Since cv he has been living with us which has been lovely. He has been really helpful with the kids and generally very lovely.
We have agreed that he will live with us while schools are shut and both our work is affected. He will pay one third of our food bill, household bills and rent.
This will leave him with very little disposable income after his own outgoings.

Is that too much?

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 03/04/2020 18:27

So 500 leftover and not going out and no other bills. He knew what you wanted prior to moving in. If it were me, I’d be be ok with it

Dishwashersaurous · 03/04/2020 18:28

£500 is an enormous amount of disposable money!!!

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:30

It wasn't discussed before because I had no idea what pressure corona would have on my income at that time.

So yes he will have 500 pounds after rent bills food to put into his savings and pay for his car phone and Netflix

OP posts:
emmylousings · 03/04/2020 18:30

Surely one quarter of costs would be fair, why one third? There are 4 of you, he is one of them. They are not his kids.

Dishwashersaurous · 03/04/2020 18:32

And that’s after savings - so actually £700 per month.

I don’t know anyone with that amount of fun money after core bills

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:34

After core bills he would have about 300 fun money pcm during corona while his salary is less

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:36

Kids are 10 and 6... If they weren't here half would be more reasonable so I don't really get by 1 quarter sounds fair to some? Also they are at their dad's for half the week due to child access arrangements.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:40

Sorry I know the numbers sound vague it's because we don't know exactly what his salary will look like at the end of the month when it is at 80 per cent of reduced contracted hours. So I think he will have about 300 to 400 left over after contributing a third here and his own bills but not savings.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/04/2020 18:40

he lives at home otherwise where he doesn't pay rent or bills or food

In that case definitely charge him a third - if nothing else it'll be a useful lesson for him in how the grown up world works

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:41

And we have had a bit of a row about it cause I wanted to work it all out properly and wanted to 'chuck some money in my account a few times a month' which fucked me right off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:42

he lives at home otherwise where he doesn't pay rent or bills or food

In that case definitely charge him a third - if nothing else it'll be a useful lesson for him in how the grown up world

Frankly this is what I think. I also think it weeds out the potential for cock lodging, as nice as he is.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 03/04/2020 18:44

£50 a week in food?? That seems so much!

notanurse2017 · 03/04/2020 18:45

Surely he should be paying a quarter?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/04/2020 18:46

I wanted to work it all out properly and (he) wanted to "chuck some money in my account a few times a month"

I'll bet Hmm

Be careful, OP, especially as he sees your reasonable suggestion as something to argue about. You really don't want to end up as his latest free rent/bills/food provider, but with added sexual services

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:46

Really?!?
For 2 adults and 2 children? I'm sure we can get it down further as we go on with this but that's how much the big shops have cost so far. Very little food waste and nothing particularly fancy bought

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:47

He eats a great deal. So much so that in our pre corona life I asked him to bring his own grocery shop when he came to stay as he ate me out of house and home.

OP posts:
WickedlyPetite · 03/04/2020 18:48

So he still lives at home, pays next to fuck all, and argued with you because he just wanted to "Chuck some money in your account a few times a month".

Tell him to fuck off back home. Prize Cocklodger.

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:50

You really don't want to end up as his latest free rent/bills/food provider, but with added sexual services

I absolutely agree. Which is partly why I am posting here and partly because I want to draw a line and say enough - if youre here, you contribute as he has spent half the week here for the past year while paying no rent bills or food (until I really put my foot down)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:50

At either house.

OP posts:
Hollyhobbi · 03/04/2020 18:51

Should your children be moving between houses?

MsMD · 03/04/2020 18:52

So your rent and Bill's are 1275 PCM.

He is paying approx 560. This leaves him with 500. So earning around 1060/month? You earn 4x his salary so 4240/month? Minus bills of 1275 you have 2965 left every month for food and other expenses?

Is that total pre or post tax? Do you have daycare costs? Because if that's take home there's no way you should be currently in your overdraft. When this is over I would seriously consider looking into what you can do to increase your savings and emergency funds.

That said leaving someone with 300 'fun money's is absolutely fine especially because he shouldn't be leaving the house to spend it so is more than enough.

CodenameVillanelle · 03/04/2020 18:52

@Hollyhobbi government guidance is that child contact can continue between homes

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/04/2020 18:53

he has spent half the week here for the past year while paying no rent bills or food (until I really put my foot down)

Oh dear ... cocklodger klaxon Hmm

Original poster
Mutedmanyhours · 03/04/2020 18:54

And I will also say I feel fairly furious that while my income and job have been crashing round my ears with different news on a daily basis about what will happen to people in my sector, I have been plunging into overdraft and paying money on it, panicking about meeting the rent, he has about 4.5k in the black! Why did it take me asking him for contribution? Why is he not just offering to contibute/help/give?

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 03/04/2020 18:55

So he lives at home, eats you out of house and home (presumably food meant for your children), and is arguing about paying an agreed, regular amount towards your shared bills? He just wants to ‘throw some money in your account’ every now and then? What a catch...