Man with persistent cough shopping with partner - just why?!?

[Defenbaker]

I went shopping today, for essential items, to a large supermarket. There was a small queue, with a security guard letting people enter as others left, to ensure social distancing inside. All very calm and not many people inside, so that was good.

However, in the second aisle there was a man coughing. I thought, oh well, it's probably nothing, just an ordinary cough, don't panic. I avoided him anyway, just in case. However, he then kept on coughing, at regular intervals, all around the shop. He never once used a tissue, or even his hand or the crook of his arm to catch the cough, and the cough was just the sort of dry, persistent cough that medics have described as a symptom! Regardless of whether he had the Covid19 virus or not, he was certainly not being careful to keep his germs to himself. I wondered how many people he could be infecting.

Although I tried my best to avoid him, he then appeared quite near me, where I was using the self scan till. This conversation took place:

Me: "It might be a good idea if you wait outside while your partner does the shopping, as you have a cough."

(He looked stunned, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.)
Him: "Oh, it's just a cough, I don't have a temperature!"

Me: "That's a symptom, you might have it, you don't know."
Him: "I've been to the doctor... I don't have it."

Me: "So, have you had the test then? Did you have a negative result?"
Him: "The doctor said I'm fine... " (He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him.)
Me: "Even if you haven't got it, people are bound to be anxious when you're coughing all over the store. It really would be best if you wait outside."
Him: "Mmm... maybe... "

All the time his partner said nothing. I got the impression she was a bit embarassed to be with him, as she knew how others would view his germ ridden presence.

He then sloped off. AIBU to think that he had no reason to accompany another (able bodied) adult around the shop, and should have known better than to behave so thoughtlessly during this health crisis?

Forgot to add - 'germ ridden presence' is offensive.

People can live with lung cancer for quite a long time, it's not totally debilitating.

It must be very risky to get Covid at the same time though? Risky enough that you'd probably not tag along another adult round the supermarket just for fun during a pandemic respiratory illness.

I completely understand why you might be freaked out at someone coughing near you. Everything at the moment is quite frightening.

But there's lots of perfectly ordinary reasons to have a dry, non-productive cough. Hypertension medicine such as Ramipril can leave you with a persistent, pointless cough - you aren't infectious, you just have an eternal cough.

This has infuriated me

You sound like someone with no friends

I would have said "I'm really sorry to hear that, but with a cough like that people are going to be anxious that you could be spreading the virus. Anyway - maybe you would be best avoiding the supermarket, as you're more vulnerable than most. Take care."

Ah, patronising as well then. Someone will lamp you one day if you carry on like that.

Do you cough into a tissue/elbow/hand or do you spray phlegm everywhere like this man? That's the problem here, his lack of hygiene

Lots of people have poor hygiene which is why everyone should observe a 2m distance wherever possible and wash their hands frequently.

He had a cough, fine. He didn't attempt to contain the cough, not fine. Completely disgusting at the best of times, here it's the worst of times.

Say it's a regular cough, he's still spreading germs in an contained environment where people have to be to buy essentials. Say it's a regular cold, it would still make others ill and mean if they get Covid19 they have a cold on top and lower immunity.

Now OP has asked him questions the next shop he may cough into his arm or tissues and not spread germs.

People not taking basic precautions will end up with us all having tighter restrictions and is not fair to everyone else who is being careful.

It must be very risky to get Covid at the same time though? Risky enough that you'd probably not tag along another adult round the supermarket just for fun during a pandemic respiratory illness

Totally irrelevant and nothing to do with anyone else.

And you have no clue he went "just for fun". Maybe the person he was with can't shop on their own.

Just leave people the fuck alone!

I think I would have reacted exactly the same as you OP. Maybe we are all being a bit paranoid at the moment but we certainly have a reason to be.
And to all those saying what if he had said he had lung cancer....well I’m sure he would have had the letter telling him he should be shielding and not accompanying someone to the supermarket.

I grew up in a totalitarian state. We were always aware we were watched not just by the secret police, but also by voluntary enforcers.

MN since corona shows how many people are super eager to not only enforce existing rules, but indeed go above and beyond, invent rules for themselves and then try to force others to adhere. Don't be one of them.

The fact that 2/3 of the respondents to this poll this it absolutely dapper to challenge someone for not adhering to OP's made up rule is depressing.

OP the posters saying you don't have friends and will get hit are desperately grabbing at things to hit you with for daring to be honest. Maybe the lockdown is causing cabin fever.

"And Sod's law being what it is, just lately I always seem to get an uncontrollable need to cough when I'm in a shop"

I love my cough, it means people keep away from me. I've seen the look two men have given each other and deliberately went to come by me doing a put on cough. That's until i do my cough, which sounds as though I'm bringing a lung up. They swiftly disappear.

Mine is a touch of bronchitis that Iingers for another couple of weeks. I've always coughed into my elbow.

Things are going to boil over if people don't keep a sense of perspective.

And to all those saying what if he had said he had lung cancer....well I’m sure he would have had the letter telling him he should be shielding and not accompanying someone to the supermarket.

More nonsense. My dad has lung cancer, and stomach and bowel cancer, stage 4, aggressive, metastisted and terminal. And he has COPD. He's not had the letter, he's not on the vulnerable list. The vulnerable list is for people who are immunocompromised, which he is not. And presumably his COPD is not severe enough. You can check the list on the govt website instead of just making things up. You'll see lung cancer is not on it.

So, if he were not bedridden with only a few weeks to live, there would be nothing stopping him from going to the supermarket if he wanted to. Not that shielding is legally enforceable anyway, and especially not by busybodies!

@kilisibird

That did occur to me but if that were the case I feel a more natural response would be...no, it is a separate condition or no it's chronic, or no it is not covid. Even just saying it is private. To instead start with 'I haven't got a temperature' hints that he himself has wondered if this cough is covid and is either mistaken about the symptoms or has used a normal temperature to convince himself it is ok to go out. The following replies don't exactly cancel out that impression.

I agree we can't be certain, it just suggests that to me. I agree we should be sensitive in addressing others about their health. I have chronic joint problems and years ago got sick of strangers asking me what I'd done to injure myself because no one thinks a 25 year old has chronic issues.

But right now if I had a chronic dry cough I would definitely be sensitive to people's fears. Whatever the cause and whatever the OP said, it is highly likely the second coughing adult was an unnecessary member of the shopping party.

Even more...no matter what the cause of his cough he cannot know that he is not also a carrier of covid...no one can..so he should be catching the cough in the tissue or at the least a sleeve. I assume anyone needing to clear their throat right now would not want to give any droplets the extra propulsion of a cough without trying to protect others.

A cough can be for a number of reasons. I have a permanent cough, it’s down to an underlying medical condition you can’t just assume it’s covid 19. I am getting fed up of having to explain. And yes 8 cough into my tissue or sleeve

I am sorry to hear of your dad's conditions @VanGoghsDog. I agree people with lung cancer wouldn't necessarily have the letter. But I bet if your dad told you he was going to the supermarket you'd advise against it? There is a large group of vulnerable people who don't have the letter but have been advised not to shop, just to go out for exercise.

I have asthma which has been in a bit of a flare constantly since I had a bug in January. I am utterly paranoid about the odd cough I do on the very limited occasions I go out.

Op, I don't think YABU. I can see that people may have other cause for cough, but when people are dying, he should have stayed home. No one knows for sure, that the cough is because of cv or not. Not even the person who have regular cough as a symptom of other illness or condition.

"My mum has lung disease and has become paranoid about her constant cough because of people like you. If you'd challenged her and made her uncomfortable I'd have been extremely pissed off with you. And you're making big assumptions about whether his partner is able to shop alone. You have no right to go demanding the medical status of other shoppers."

@Quarantined That must be really difficult for her, I can understand why you'd get angry if someone gave her a hard time about it. I must admit, I didn't realise till I read all these replies that so many people live with a cough on a permanent basis, but I have taken on board all the comments and will bear them in mind when I see people coughing in future.

I didn't use a challenging tone, I wasn't strident, I started with a tentative tone of voice, but could tell from his reaction that he was a bit thoughtless. His partner was carrying the basket, so appeared to be able bodied, which is why I felt he could/should have left her to it, rather than spreading his germs around, with no effort on the hygiene front.

It's true I have no authority over others, and no right to pry into people's medical business, and I really did my best to just avoid him, but he kept changing direction, he was everywhere I turned, so when I got to the till and he then came around the corner right next to me I couldn't resist saying something. If he was contagious, maybe I made him think twice about his behaviour, which might save him infecting more people, but if it was a long term, non infectious health condition, maybe I caused him annoyance. I can't be sure, but think on balance I did a reasonable thing, for the right reasons.

But I bet if your dad told you he was going to the supermarket you'd advise against it? There is a large group of vulnerable people who don't have the letter but have been advised not to shop, just to go out for exercise.

That's a bit insensitive considering he can't even walk to the loo.

My mum also has COPD (and mobility problems) and of course I've tried to encourage her to go out as little as possible. But I'm not sure how she is supposed to feed them both if she can't go out.

But either way, none of that is relevant to the OP, is it? Going around telling people they shouldn't go out "for their own good" is even worse than assuming they are infecting other people with a deadly virus.

Op, I don't think YABU. I can see that people may have other cause for cough, but when people are dying, he should have stayed home.

Why? Why do you think you know better than the official advice? What's that all about?

Me: "It might be a good idea if you wait outside while your partner does the shopping, as you have a cough."
*(He looked stunned, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.)
Him: "Oh, it's just a cough, I don't have a temperature!"
Me: "That's a symptom, you might have it, you don't know."
Him: "I've been to the doctor... I don't have it."
Me: "So, have you had the test then? Did you have a negative result?"
Him: "The doctor said I'm fine... " (He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him.)
Me: "Even if you haven't got it, people are bound to be anxious when you're coughing all over the store. It really would be best if you wait outside."
Him: "Mmm... maybe... "

If you HAD to say something (which you didn't) why on earth did you not stop when he said he'd been to the doctor? Your response to that was beyond the pale. Fixing your gaze on him? Challenging him? He didn't have to prove anything to anyone.
Mind your own business, FFS.

This is exactly the kind of OP that brought me to this:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3869602--to-C-P-this-for-the-benefit-of-the-permanently-angry-at-the-moment

Have only read the first page-Can't understand why people are not agreeing with the OP and saying it's none of her business! This man could have infected other people! Has common sense gone out the window?
Well done for speaking up OP.

Not a violent person Op but if you’d tried that with me I would have been giving you a persistent 👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻