Man with persistent cough shopping with partner - just why?!?

[Defenbaker]

I went shopping today, for essential items, to a large supermarket. There was a small queue, with a security guard letting people enter as others left, to ensure social distancing inside. All very calm and not many people inside, so that was good.

However, in the second aisle there was a man coughing. I thought, oh well, it's probably nothing, just an ordinary cough, don't panic. I avoided him anyway, just in case. However, he then kept on coughing, at regular intervals, all around the shop. He never once used a tissue, or even his hand or the crook of his arm to catch the cough, and the cough was just the sort of dry, persistent cough that medics have described as a symptom! Regardless of whether he had the Covid19 virus or not, he was certainly not being careful to keep his germs to himself. I wondered how many people he could be infecting.

Although I tried my best to avoid him, he then appeared quite near me, where I was using the self scan till. This conversation took place:

Me: "It might be a good idea if you wait outside while your partner does the shopping, as you have a cough."

(He looked stunned, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.)
Him: "Oh, it's just a cough, I don't have a temperature!"

Me: "That's a symptom, you might have it, you don't know."
Him: "I've been to the doctor... I don't have it."

Me: "So, have you had the test then? Did you have a negative result?"
Him: "The doctor said I'm fine... " (He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him.)
Me: "Even if you haven't got it, people are bound to be anxious when you're coughing all over the store. It really would be best if you wait outside."
Him: "Mmm... maybe... "

All the time his partner said nothing. I got the impression she was a bit embarassed to be with him, as she knew how others would view his germ ridden presence.

He then sloped off. AIBU to think that he had no reason to accompany another (able bodied) adult around the shop, and should have known better than to behave so thoughtlessly during this health crisis?

"My husband has a persistent cough because of medication. Because of people like you he is actually too scared to leave the house. (there is no way he would go out if he was unwell). So all tasks now fall to me. Thanks for creating this type of situation and feeling among people that are not unwell."

@Mumdiva99 I'm sorry to hear that, it's really sad that he feels he can't leave the house, but you can't lay the blame at my door, there is a pandemic sweeping through this country that will likely kill many thousands in the UK, and a persistent cough is one of the symptoms so it's natural that people will be fearful around anyone coughing nearby. Your husband can still go out for exercise in the fresh air, but if he has a cough it might be a good idea to wear a mask, so that people are less likely to be concerned if he happens to cough when he's out and about. My reaction to this man was a one-off, it's not something I make a habit of doing, and I certainly don't say anything to the many people I see coughing out and about, when I'm out for a walk, because I am able to avoid them. It's different when someone is coughing repeatedly inside a shop, while not covering their mouth, as you can't easily avoid them.

I'm sorry I've pressed the buttons of people who have long term conditions or take meds that cause a permanent cough, in truth I didn't realise how many people would be in that situation. Rest assured I'm not on some mission to make coughing in public against the law, but honestly this particular man was really lacking in hygiene, and I do think that was a valid reason to speak to him, although I now see that I probably took the conversation further than I needed to.

I hope nobody other than the man and his partner heard you grilling him, however if you were at least some distance apart, they probably did. You must have been observing him very closely indeed to know that he never covered his mouth. Coughing can be spontaneous, it's happened to me in the past. I'm really glad to be staying at home - I'm not going out at all - I'd be terrified of suddenly coughing in public and having people round on me.

Anyone could be infected and not yet showing symptoms, at least with a cough you'd know to give a wide berth 'just in case'.

However, it's over now, forget about it.

I’ve had the horrible dry cough for two weeks and there’s no sign of it going. I’m actually worried about leaving the house because of comments like this but I’m going to have to at some point! Yes he may have been being a dick about it but also bear in mind that viral coughs of any description take a while to pass.

I think you were well within your rights to question him. He wasn’t being hygienic, courteous or considerate and these are very frightening times.

Time to stop the self-centred, entitled attitude and start being responsible. Of course he shouldn’t be going around the store coughing over everything.

I can’t believe so many people here think that’s ok. I guess not everyone concerns themselves with hygiene.

OP people want to vent at the moment. Instead of facing the fact that showering spittle about is grim they have jumped on you. It's just a stressful time and people want someone to blame.

As a stressed group going through major change we've passed disbelief, now feeling anger and sadness.

I think the anger is why some posters threatened you with physical violence. If they weren't cooped up and with risk of job loss they are probably calmer.

It will get worse before it gets better.

Only on mumsnet would people want to defend someone's right to cough without a tissue in a supermarket, at a time like this!

OP forget it now. You were brave to question him and hopefully he will have realized that he was making you, and others, worried, and he could have put your fears to rest by using a tissue! Which really is not too much to ask at this time.

Enough4me people who threatened the OP with physical violence are just dicks, it happens on here sometimes.

But I think you are right. People are scared. And they are not really scared of someone saying something to them, but rather of catching a deadly virus.

I'm hiding this thread because all the comments about how offended people are, are daft comments.

It's horrible having a cough, I had a really bad cough in the past and if I had it now, I would be careful to use a tissue and not make people afraid.

I cough year round, them latest reason being allergies? YABU

@Enough4me thanks, that is kind of you, and I think you're right.

In hindsight I think I was NBU to speak to him, but was unreasonable to quiz him on whether he'd had a test and a negative result - I crossed the line there. He looked shifty and I got the impression that he hadn't actually been to the doctor at all, and/or was just playing down his symptoms because he was bored with staying indoors, but even so, I had no right to pin him down on the point.

I have had a cough for more then a month now and the looks I get are something else. I volunteer the information that I've been given medical advice that I can go outside now.

I have hayfever and the trees have started releasing their pollen. I've been double dosing antihistamines before I leave the house to avoid being questioned and stared at by people like the op.

This with the added diagnosis of insecurity, low self esteem and depression which means I hate even getting out of bed let alone going shopping.

I can understand why you felt aggrieved especially as this man was not using safe hygiene practices like coughing into a tissue or the crook of his elbow. I think I would have thought twice about challenging him though as people do cough for all sorts of reasons. I have one myself which is not persistent and due to catarrh so not the virus but I have stayed out of shops for fear of worrying other shoppers. Luckily my husband and daughter are able to shop instead. Lots of people on hypertensive medication have a cough.

He should have stayed outside and let his partner do the shopping as most people are understandably scared. Our supermarket only lets one person per household in.

If his reply was “I have lung cancer”, what would you have said?

I personally would have said, 'Stay home you fucking idiot. You have lung cancer'.

Same goes for emphysema.

Only on mumsnet would people want to defend someone's right to cough without a tissue in a supermarket, at a time like this!
THIS ^^

I have not read the full thread but I will say this.

I work in a shop and I am sick to death of people coming in coughing all over the place. As staff we don’t know why a person is coughing and frankly I don’t care why they are, I just wish they didn’t come into a shop full of people and do it.

I want to be safe at work and I don’t want to take this hideous virus home with me to my family.

As shoppers, you are probably in there for 15 minutes then you can leave. I am there for 8 hours, I can just walk out if I feel uncomfortable (which I often do).

So, if you have a cough, for any reason, please use a hankie to contain it or leave the shop. Or better still, let someone else do your shopping for you.

Before this thing is over, I’m pretty sure I’m going to catch it, I just don’t know who is going to give it to me.

^^can't just walk out

@Defenbaker the correct response if you were that bothered by him was to remove yourself. That is your only ‘right’ in this situation.

He could have covered his mouth either way. If he was shopping with a partner he didn't need to be out anyway. I was out last week and someone at the checkout coughed all over me, my DS, the shopping- no attempt to cover his mouth.

It’s fine you asking him to cover his mouth whilst coughing. You crossed a boundary when you attempted to diagnose him and ask medical questions, in a supermarket.

@leobynature He crossed the line by coughing and not covering his mouth. These are dangerous times. I hope he learned a lesson

He shouldn’t have been coughing everywhere. We’re getting very clear messages about this. Why would he think it doesn’t apply to him.

I didn't raise my voice, or talk in a snappy tone. If this man was on medication that caused the cough, he would only need to say that, and I would say "Sorry for being paranoid, these are troubling times."

LOL what???? You think someone is obligated to disclose personal medical information to a perfect stranger at the grocery store?! Are you high? Or just an entitled bitch?

Even if it was asthma or some other Non Covid 19 related there was NO excuse for him not covering his mouth when coughing..

IT"S A PANDEMIC... He should wear a scarf over his mouth to reassure everyone who is not his missus! Some women put up with anything to keep a bloke around!

This 'uncovered cough' habit ... like spitting on the street... is disgusting.

Well guess what ...with Covid 19 its a different world, and if he won't cover his gob when coughing he's in for more rollickings ....or worse! Maybe lesson learned then !

The government advice is to self isolate for 7 days from when a new cough starts. He could have had a cough for ages. Coughs linger. You were extremely rude. You have no idea why they were together. Maybe one or the other of them is very vulnerable. Not your business.

YANBU. Well done for calling him out. People need to change their behaviours and he certainly wouldn't if you hadn't said anything. Everyone knows the symptoms and advice. Regardless of the cough, only one of them should be shopping anyway.

@cherryberrypie sums it up. Thank you for your continued work in these times.

I can't believe so many people are defending this man.

Even if he did have a "year round cough" he should not have been in the supermarket when his partner could have shopped alone.

"What if he has lung cancer?" - FFS then he definitely shouldn't be out.

Well done OP, I say. Sadly we are in the midst of a pandemic during a time when society is full of selfish people who aren't willing to change the smallest of habits for the good of themselves and others. The amount of people I've ready about on here and social media who, for example, go to Asda 5 times a week because they like the ready meals and you can only buy 3 at a time, is shocking. "You could eat something else"? "But I like the ready meals". FFS. Also read about plenty of people who simply HAVE to shops with their Nigel because he's too much of a simpleton to pick up beans and bread on his own and they wanted company in the shops.