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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man with persistent cough shopping with partner - just why?!?

636 replies

Defenbaker · 02/04/2020 23:17

I went shopping today, for essential items, to a large supermarket. There was a small queue, with a security guard letting people enter as others left, to ensure social distancing inside. All very calm and not many people inside, so that was good.

However, in the second aisle there was a man coughing. I thought, oh well, it's probably nothing, just an ordinary cough, don't panic. I avoided him anyway, just in case. However, he then kept on coughing, at regular intervals, all around the shop. He never once used a tissue, or even his hand or the crook of his arm to catch the cough, and the cough was just the sort of dry, persistent cough that medics have described as a symptom! Regardless of whether he had the Covid19 virus or not, he was certainly not being careful to keep his germs to himself. I wondered how many people he could be infecting.

Although I tried my best to avoid him, he then appeared quite near me, where I was using the self scan till. This conversation took place:

Me: "It might be a good idea if you wait outside while your partner does the shopping, as you have a cough."

(He looked stunned, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.)
Him: "Oh, it's just a cough, I don't have a temperature!"

Me: "That's a symptom, you might have it, you don't know."
Him: "I've been to the doctor... I don't have it."

Me: "So, have you had the test then? Did you have a negative result?"
Him: "The doctor said I'm fine... " (He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him.)
Me: "Even if you haven't got it, people are bound to be anxious when you're coughing all over the store. It really would be best if you wait outside."
Him: "Mmm... maybe... "

All the time his partner said nothing. I got the impression she was a bit embarassed to be with him, as she knew how others would view his germ ridden presence.

He then sloped off. AIBU to think that he had no reason to accompany another (able bodied) adult around the shop, and should have known better than to behave so thoughtlessly during this health crisis?

OP posts:
willowpatterns · 03/04/2020 00:05

I have (very slight) asthma and perennial rhinitis. It makes me cough a bit sometimes. I've had it for years. Spring blossom seems to aggravate it.

And Sod's law being what it is, just lately I always seem to get an uncontrollable need to cough when I'm in a shop, and I'm so self-conscious about it now. I feel awful about it, but there ain't a lot I can do.

Wehttam · 03/04/2020 00:07

Well done OP, hopefully others are as empowered to speak up too. To the comment saying what if his answer was he had lung cancer, my swift response would be why the hell are you in a supermarket are you insane. 🙄

TimeAintNothing · 03/04/2020 00:08

Well done OP, hopefully others are as empowered to speak up too

Given the current levels of OTT busy-body behaviour going on I'd say the very last thing some people need is to feel more "empowered".

kilisibird · 03/04/2020 00:08

Jesus Christ OP WTF

It is a NEW continuous cough

Who the fuck do you even think you are Hmm

Do you have any ideas of the conditions people suffer within that can include a cough Confused

What an absolute embarrassment.

Casino218 · 03/04/2020 00:08

I had CV weeks ago but it's left me with an irritating cough ( like flu did). I'm not infectious but I cough. If you had asked me I would have given you a right mouthful back. Plus by confronting him you may have increased your chances of him spreading any infection so it was silly really.

whiskybysidedoor · 03/04/2020 00:09

No you don’t OP we can’t have the general public start policing each other it will turn nasty and that will make everything worse. Every action has a consequence.

We have had the same problems with the village Facebook page over the clapping. Thing is everyone thinks they know it all when usually they don’t. A house that got singled out has a lady living there who has just lost a close relative and wasn’t fit for anything never mind randomly clapping at the house opposite. I am praying they haven’t seen the comments.

Mob mentality madness is starting to set in and that is very scary indeed.

kilisibird · 03/04/2020 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GabsAlot · 03/04/2020 00:10

To all these poeple with a permanent cough-do you cover your mouth when you cough in public

Aesopfable · 03/04/2020 00:11

if his answer was he had lung cancer, my swift response would be why the hell are you in a supermarket are you insane

If he had terminal lung cancer then who are you to pass judgement that he should spend his final days cooped up at home rather than out shopping? Yes he might catch Covid and it might kill him a couple of weeks earlier but that is his prerogative.

kilisibird · 03/04/2020 00:11

if his answer was he had lung cancer, my swift response would be why the hell are you in a supermarket are you insane

And a bitch too Hmm

User7764217 · 03/04/2020 00:13

I see you’re still assuming that his partner is able to shop alone

For all intents and purposes my Nan looks like she could shop alone, but does need help

Original poster
Defenbaker · 03/04/2020 00:14

"Ffs you aren’t the bloody cough police. I completely agree with precautions and lockdown etc but you have no right to be speaking to people like that. My FIL has a persistent dry cough as a side effect of his daily medication and he’d rightly tell you to piss off!"

@Amanduh I didn't raise my voice, or talk in a snappy tone. If this man was on medication that caused the cough, he would only need to say that, and I would say "Sorry for being paranoid, these are troubling times."

Many times in life I've bitten my tongue when people have behaved badly, or selfishly, to keep the peace and avoid making a fuss, but in the current crisis I think we all have a right to challenge people, if they are behaving in a way that seems to be putting others at risk.

OP posts:
DdraigGoch · 03/04/2020 00:15

To all of the posters saying that they have a cough for x, y, or z reason; I ask of you a simple question:

Do you cough into a tissue/elbow/hand or do you spray phlegm everywhere like this man? That's the problem here, his lack of hygiene.

VanGoghsDog · 03/04/2020 00:16

I think we all have a right to challenge people

Well, you think wrong.

GabsAlot · 03/04/2020 00:16

Thankyou Ddraig i feel like im on the twilight zone here

IBoughtAllTheToiletRoll · 03/04/2020 00:16

But why should he have to disclose medical information to a perfect stranger?

Luci459 · 03/04/2020 00:18

My dad has a permanent cough due to high blood pressure tablets.

YABU you rude person!

Honestly. Who do you think you are? The cough police?! Outrageous!!!

VanGoghsDog · 03/04/2020 00:19

To the comment saying what if his answer was he had lung cancer, my swift response would be why the hell are you in a supermarket are you insane

People can live with lung cancer for quite a long time, it's not totally debilitating. But obviously your medical knowledge puts you above the rest of us.....

Sammymommy · 03/04/2020 00:19

I have a cough, I had it for more than 5 years. It is barely there. It is not even that bad. But I had so many bad looks (before the lockdown) in the bus. It stresses me out when I have to buy some food that I will have to deal with a busy body like you that somehow think they are entitled to my medical history...

Inkpaperstars · 03/04/2020 00:19

YANBU.

If you had posted complaining about a couple shopping everyone would have agreed with you, so they shouldn't have both been there anyway. If one person isn't going, person with cough is good candidate to stay home.

It sounds from his replies that he doesn't have lung cancer or any other chronic cough, but just chanced it. If he did have any chronic respiratory issue, yet again he shouldn't be there as a second adult.

kilisibird · 03/04/2020 00:20

Do you cough into a tissue/elbow/hand or do you spray phlegm everywhere like this man? That's the problem here, his lack of hygiene.

Lots of people don't do this. Not saying that is ok but it's ridiculous to think anyone has the right to question someone's medical history based on that.

Oh, and for the record it was a dry cough OP described. He wasn't spraying phlegm everywhere Hmm

bringincrazyback · 03/04/2020 00:20

I agree it didn't sound like he was observing proper hygiene so in this scenario I can see why you something, but would you still have done so if he'd been 'containing' his cough better, so to speak? People cough for all sorts of reasons. I have chronic asthma and have a dry/non-productive cough every single day. It can come on at any time. I have coughed in supermarkets quite a few times now, because it's not possible to suppress it. That said, I have coughed with my mouth closed (it is possible) and was keeping an eye open for anyone looking worried - I'd have explained I just have asthma if necessary.

I agree it would have been better for this guy to have stayed home, but others who have 'innocuous' coughs may not be able to get anyone else to do their shopping for them and I'm starting to feel there's a bit of hostility building up towards anyone who may happen to cough for any reason whilst out and about. (Ironically, for an asthmatic this can make matters worse if their asthma worsens with anxiety, as mine does.)

ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother · 03/04/2020 00:20

Defenbaker

"If his reply was “I have lung cancer”, what would you have said?"

@LolaSkodaI would have said "I'm really sorry to hear that, but with a cough like that people are going to be anxious that you could be spreading the virus. Anyway - maybe you would be best avoiding the supermarket, as you're more vulnerable than most. Take care."

To the people saying I was acting like the SS, and had no right to question him, my response is that I have every right to challenge someone who appeared to be putting the health of others at risk, with his constant, unchecked coughing.

I did wonder if he might have a smoker's cough, but I doubt that was the case, as I can usually smell smoke on people's clothing across the room (bloodhound type sense of smell, me). Even so, he could easily have said "Oh, it's a smoker's cough", and I would have said "Oh, I see. Sorry for being paranoid, but anyway maybe you'd best wait outside while your partner shops, because... " as per my first paragragh.

My MIL is 85 and has had a chesty cough, on and off, for years (passive smoker, husband smoked heavily), so I do understand that some people have a long term cough that they live with, but this man's cough wasn't like that. Even so, if someone already has a cough, why put themselves at risk of catching the virus on top of that, when their partner is able to shop without them and they can avoid it? It just doesn't make sense!

👍 I think for the fact he was coughing everywhere without using his tissues or arm etc is disgusting no matter what he has and is very selfish

TimeAintNothing · 03/04/2020 00:21

If this man was on medication that caused the cough, he would only need to say that

Except he does not need to say that as you have no right to his medical information and he has no obligation to disclose it.

You were nosey, rude, and out of line. As @whiskybysidedoor said, the mob mentality right now is ridiculous. You are adding to it by thinking it's your right to question strangers about their health.

kilisibird · 03/04/2020 00:21

It sounds from his replies that he doesn't have lung cancer or any other chronic cough, but just chanced it.

Eh? How do you work that out? There not a hope in hell I would tell
a random stranger my medical history. Why do you think this man would?

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