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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man with persistent cough shopping with partner - just why?!?

636 replies

Defenbaker · 02/04/2020 23:17

I went shopping today, for essential items, to a large supermarket. There was a small queue, with a security guard letting people enter as others left, to ensure social distancing inside. All very calm and not many people inside, so that was good.

However, in the second aisle there was a man coughing. I thought, oh well, it's probably nothing, just an ordinary cough, don't panic. I avoided him anyway, just in case. However, he then kept on coughing, at regular intervals, all around the shop. He never once used a tissue, or even his hand or the crook of his arm to catch the cough, and the cough was just the sort of dry, persistent cough that medics have described as a symptom! Regardless of whether he had the Covid19 virus or not, he was certainly not being careful to keep his germs to himself. I wondered how many people he could be infecting.

Although I tried my best to avoid him, he then appeared quite near me, where I was using the self scan till. This conversation took place:

Me: "It might be a good idea if you wait outside while your partner does the shopping, as you have a cough."

(He looked stunned, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.)
Him: "Oh, it's just a cough, I don't have a temperature!"

Me: "That's a symptom, you might have it, you don't know."
Him: "I've been to the doctor... I don't have it."

Me: "So, have you had the test then? Did you have a negative result?"
Him: "The doctor said I'm fine... " (He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him.)
Me: "Even if you haven't got it, people are bound to be anxious when you're coughing all over the store. It really would be best if you wait outside."
Him: "Mmm... maybe... "

All the time his partner said nothing. I got the impression she was a bit embarassed to be with him, as she knew how others would view his germ ridden presence.

He then sloped off. AIBU to think that he had no reason to accompany another (able bodied) adult around the shop, and should have known better than to behave so thoughtlessly during this health crisis?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 04/04/2020 12:48

TheVanguardSix I don't think you should feel sorried about walk g the dog in daylight. We should not be paranoid. If you seem coughing but covering your mouth and not I a crowded place o am sure people would not be overly scared.

For me it really is the lack of tissue! O don't fear all coughers. Flowers

Bbq1 · 04/04/2020 12:48

It's actually a thing to name and shame ppl who don't clap and cheer etc? Are the happy clappers the same who let off huge fireworks which shocked my 70 year old mum and terrified her cat? I have the utmost respect for the NHS and their amazing staff from the cleaner to the Surgeons. They saved my life a few years ago operating on me at 12 midnight. They have supported me for years and other family members. All of the staff especially the frontline nurses deserve a massive payrise. That all said, my family haven't been clapping on the doorstep because it's just forced and unnecessary. I don't think anybody in our road has done it either. Unbelievable that families are being called out on sm for not participating. Reminds me yet again why I do not have a Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account...

Italiangreyhound · 04/04/2020 12:51

peterlon I am so sorry about your situation and hope you get your online shop soon. Are there any community groups that coukd do a shop for you? Flowers

bruffin · 04/04/2020 13:21

So why are people having a go at the op then?"
Because of the way the post is written, just doesnt ring true , too much embellishment .
phrases like
"He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him"
Just sounds like maybe someone coughed once and op's imagination ran riot. She then goes onto also diagnose him as a wife abuser, complete nonsense.

peterlon1 · 04/04/2020 14:04

OK for me there were several issues.

  1. She is not the police and has no legal right to question anybody.
  2. By engaging in conversation with him she obviously wasn't a safe distance, either from possibility of being coughed over or
  3. He could have turned nasty and assaulted her, she had no idea how he was going to react(drug user, alcoholic, mental health issues) to name just 3.
  4. Presumed that they had to queue to get into store in which case the staff would have heard his cough is would have been down to them to stop him from entering, asking him to wait outside, this has been done a lot just to keep numbers in stores low. so they obviously didn't have an issue with it, they may have already quizzed him.
  5. If she really had an issue with it, the correct and safest action would have to been to contact store staff, they have jurisdiction on their property, no one else.

To be honest no one knows the real details of his circumstances, but personally if it had been me and a lot of people I know and some on here, she'd have got short sharp thrift. And not all would have been polite.

From many of the threads on this forum, this virus seems to have given birth to a host of little Hitlers, and similar dictators showing their true colours, the whole thing is making people nasty and judgmental, before all this people would have kept to themselves or the inquiry would have been a concerned one. not an inquisition (I fixed my gaze on him) sounds very judgmental to me. and probably a little intimidating.

bruffin · 04/04/2020 14:13

Well said @Peterlon1,

peterlon1 · 04/04/2020 14:21

oh thanks @bruffin was concerned for them both.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 14:21

And now we know how world war 2 Germany began.

peterlon1 · 04/04/2020 14:24

hope OP keeps herself safe and that he young man didn't have the virus, though something tells me he didn't, sixth sense.

peterlon1 · 04/04/2020 14:25

not with you there @WaxOnFeckOff

rubberoftheband · 04/04/2020 14:29

Many times in life I've bitten my tongue when people have behaved badly, or selfishly, to keep the peace and avoid making a fuss, but in the current crisis I think we all have a right to challenge people, if they are behaving in a way that seems to be putting others at risk.

I'm sure people have also bitten their tongue at some of your behaviour OP, no one is perfect! Or have you never behaved badly or selfishly?

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 14:32

the ease with which people are keen to make assumptions and report people and take the law into their own hands, twitch the curtains, shame folk into doing what they interprate rules to be or what they think people should be doing.

Don't get me wrong I believe we should all be obeying the rules and it's what I am doing, however it's not up to me to start confronting people.

It was these types of things that allowed anti semitism and general dumbfuckery to flow across Germany. Most folk in Germany were just like anywhere else, but it just takes people starting to think that they are better than others and start policing that before we end up in a state where people are scared of their neighbours and possible being reported for nothing in revenge for being a bit noisy or using their parking space. Dangerous stuff.

peterlon1 · 04/04/2020 14:55

very true @WaxOnFeckOff made the point better than me, but I was trying to show concern for both.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 15:05

Oh I get that people are nervous and scared and have too much time to think, it's easy to get caught up in all. I guess what I am saying is that the vast majority of people in Germany were just normal everyday folk going about their business and it doesn't take much for the fabric of society to shift when people are under pressure and scared.

I'm not unsympathetic, just that we need to keep stuff in proportion. The way I see it is that they don't want everyone to be shielded from getting it, they just want to slow it down and keep infection steady but not in the most vulnerable, so some of these folk are just keeping the spread ticking along. I've had it (I assume), it doesn't stop me getting it on my hands and spreading it though so I still take precautions but I suppose the personal fear isn't so uppermost in my mind. DH has had it and presuming young adult DC living at home have too. Our parents are all dead but eldest siblings are just on the margins of vulnerable group.

Macncheeseballs · 04/04/2020 15:10

Comparing this situation to the rise of fascism in Germany is trite, insensitive, and inane

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 15:13

Comparing this situation to the rise of fascism in Germany is trite, insensitive, and inane

Really? I think it's very relevant. It's certainly made me see and understand how it was possible.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 15:14

Suit yourself mancheese. It will be interesting to see how society plays out after this. Having you been reading other threads? People hating their neighbours that they previously liked because they got a few deliveries or had visitors? people being publicly shamed for not being out clapping?

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 15:15

Not to mention the panic buying and general selfishness going on.

RU562341 · 04/04/2020 15:18

Comparing this situation to the rise of fascism in Germany is trite, insensitive, and inane

Not really. It's not about what's happened- obviously comparing covid-19 to the rise of Nazism or the holocaust would be insane. We're comparing peoples behaviour, not the government regime. And I think that people comparing those who reported their neighbours for making anti-government comments and those who want to "name and shame" their neighbours online for not clapping for the NHS are valid.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 15:18

We've gone from the elderly being revered as folk who should be protected as they've worked their whole lives and deserve their pensions to being the scum of society for denying their grandchildren a foot on the property ladder, all in the space of half a generation.

Macncheeseballs · 04/04/2020 15:20

People are scared. This is about saving lives not a feckin ideology

Daftodil · 04/04/2020 15:20

YANBU. There was no need for him to be in store, and even if he had to be there, he should cover his mouth when coughing (that's basic manners/hygiene even without a global cough-based pandemic!)

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 15:21

A police state is never about the police as such, it's about society doing it for them.

RU562341 · 04/04/2020 15:21

Again, it's about behaviour not ideology.
There are valid comparisons, IMO. Your views may vary and that's fine.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/04/2020 15:24

Yes it is about saving lives, That's why we've all been asked/told to follow a set of rules. The vast majority of society have conformed, some haven't either because they are just stupid or think it doesn't apply to them. It's not up to those conforming to police the rest. That's why we have actual police. If and when they/government set up a helpline looking for people to report then people can crack on. In the meantime, have a mutter under your breath and leave it to the folk we've elected/pay to enforce the rules. Look after your own household and help vulnerable people where you can and leave the fuckwits to the existing authorities.