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AIBU?

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Original poster

Man with persistent cough shopping with partner - just why?!?

636 replies

Defenbaker · 02/04/2020 23:17

I went shopping today, for essential items, to a large supermarket. There was a small queue, with a security guard letting people enter as others left, to ensure social distancing inside. All very calm and not many people inside, so that was good.

However, in the second aisle there was a man coughing. I thought, oh well, it's probably nothing, just an ordinary cough, don't panic. I avoided him anyway, just in case. However, he then kept on coughing, at regular intervals, all around the shop. He never once used a tissue, or even his hand or the crook of his arm to catch the cough, and the cough was just the sort of dry, persistent cough that medics have described as a symptom! Regardless of whether he had the Covid19 virus or not, he was certainly not being careful to keep his germs to himself. I wondered how many people he could be infecting.

Although I tried my best to avoid him, he then appeared quite near me, where I was using the self scan till. This conversation took place:

Me: "It might be a good idea if you wait outside while your partner does the shopping, as you have a cough."

(He looked stunned, as though the idea hadn't occurred to him.)
Him: "Oh, it's just a cough, I don't have a temperature!"

Me: "That's a symptom, you might have it, you don't know."
Him: "I've been to the doctor... I don't have it."

Me: "So, have you had the test then? Did you have a negative result?"
Him: "The doctor said I'm fine... " (He looked shifty, like he was tempted to lie but found it difficult while I fixed my gaze on him.)
Me: "Even if you haven't got it, people are bound to be anxious when you're coughing all over the store. It really would be best if you wait outside."
Him: "Mmm... maybe... "

All the time his partner said nothing. I got the impression she was a bit embarassed to be with him, as she knew how others would view his germ ridden presence.

He then sloped off. AIBU to think that he had no reason to accompany another (able bodied) adult around the shop, and should have known better than to behave so thoughtlessly during this health crisis?

OP posts:
inflam · 04/04/2020 09:51

Anyone who is calling the op unreasonable for questioning why someone is out coughing over others without covering his mouth is defending that action he took.

That would only work if OP had brought to his attention the fact he wasn't covering his mouth, which actually, would be quite reasonable. Say, 'oh here, have a tissue' type thing.

What actually happened was OP told the man he would be better waiting outside then quizzed him about the possibility of having CV, fixed him with a gaze and again told him he would be better waiting outside.

Is it really so difficult to understand that it is not ok to do that? OP had no idea why that man was coughing. This thread has thrown up multiple reasons he could have been coughing for.

So yes, I do think OP was being unreasonable, amongst other things; but that does not for a second mean I am defending someone for not using a tissue. It means I defend every single persons right to not be questioned by some nosey busy body about their medical history. It means I defend every single persons right to not be told by a random shopper they should leave the supermarket. It means i defend every single persons right to have rights.

SudokuQueen · 04/04/2020 09:51

It's just easy to see now why it's spread. People thinking 'I'm ok' and not actually thinking things through or listening. People are dying from that train of thought, abd many will continue to die. It's sad that selfishness has caused this.

inflam · 04/04/2020 09:53

So why are people having a go at the op then?

Have you missed every single persons explanation? Do you seriously want people to repost those reasons rather than you just read the thread and find out? It's all written there, above ^

SudokuQueen · 04/04/2020 09:53

Is it really so difficult to understand that it is not ok to do that? OP had no idea why that man was coughing. This thread has thrown up multiple reasons he could have been coughing for.

Is it difficult to understand that you don't know what germs you have in your body? You're coughing because you think it's because you're a smoker, and you've always coughed. Except now you also have covid in your system. So you're spreading that at the same time.

emilybrontescorsett · 04/04/2020 09:55

There is no need for 2 adults to go shopping together.
This is why single parents will soon struggle to go shopping with their children.
Why we will be in lock down for longer.
Why people like myself who follow the rules and don't go shopping with my dh, who haven't seen their vulnerable parents for ages etc are being punished.
All these people moaning about people going for a walk in the woods then defending someone like this man out unnecessarily.
The irony.

inflam · 04/04/2020 09:55

It's just easy to see now why it's spread. People thinking 'I'm ok' and not actually thinking things through or listening. People are dying from that train of thought, abd many will continue to die. It's sad that selfishness has caused this.

He may have listened to the guidlines. He may not have a new continuous cough. That means he does not have to isolate.

Fuck, he may have terminal lung cancer and decided not to sheild for all we know.

The only thing we know is he had a cough. He cannot be judged in the supermarket for that alone.

And yes, he should have used a tissue. We know

inflam · 04/04/2020 09:56

There is no need for 2 adults to go shopping together.

Actually, in some cases there are. As we don't actually know why they were together we can't judge that one.

MARMITEcheese2020 · 04/04/2020 09:57

My god friend all her life has had a persistent cough. And it's triggered by anxiety.
You can imagine what people think now.. Then the more they look the more she coughs.
She would be horrified if someone questioned her

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 09:58

People with coughs are allowed to go to the supermarket. They are allowed to cough. They should cover their mouth when they do so and we should all be wearing masks to limit droplet borne spread and to give the busybodies less to worry about

inflam · 04/04/2020 10:00

Is it difficult to understand that you don't know what germs you have in your body? You're coughing because you think it's because you're a smoker, and you've always coughed. Except now you also have covid in your system. So you're spreading that at the same time.

Are you suggesting anyone with a cough should not go out for months? Because that is ridiculous. The guidelines are in place for a reason. I do understand that people with an existing cough can catch CV, but as things stand unless they have a temperature as well they will not fall into the category of 'self isolate'

Those guidelines were made by medics, it's not for us to interpret them to mean 'if you have a cough you must never leave the Jude because it could be CV'

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 10:02

Non coughers! Do remember that if you aren't wearing a mask you could also be spreading Covid 19 merrily as you breathe and handle things.

emilybrontescorsett · 04/04/2020 10:02

Offs.
I'm sick and tired of following the rules then others not.
I'm having to go to work and possibly come into contact with the great unwashed but everyone else carry on let's all spread the virus.
Let's all go out, we do not know who has the virus.
I can categorically tell you that not everyone who has died from it had severe symptoms.
I'm leaving this thread now.
Too depressing.

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 10:03

I'm having to go to work and possibly come into contact with the great unwashed

You could be asymptomatic and spreading it also.

SudokuQueen · 04/04/2020 10:05

Are you suggesting anyone with a cough should not go out for months?

No I'm saying he should have covered his mouth, like anyone coughing. I see no reason to call the op unreasonable in what she did. She had every right, he was endangering people, knowingly. He didn't care.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 04/04/2020 10:06

I have a persistent cough. Have had it for 6 months now. No other symptoms. It's worse In a morning. YABU.

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 10:06

She had every right, he was endangering people, knowingly. He didn't care

No he wasn't. He probably didn't have Covid 19

Ginfordinner · 04/04/2020 10:07

Can we all accept that sometimes there is a need for two adults to shop together, and sometimes people are taking the piss. Although, a couple shopping with a toddler in tow is taking the piss.

Also, some people have a persistent cough and some have coronavirus.

The problem is that everyone is scared, and we can't tell whether a couple shopping together need to be together, or whether someone's cough is contagious or not.

I think we can all agree that coughing without covering your mouth is a disgusting habit regardless of why they are coughing.

And for non car owners perhaps they should consider buying one of these or these so that they can go shopping on their own.

Carbosug · 04/04/2020 10:20

I have a bad cough at the moment. . It is due to a sinus infection. I still wouldn't go around the supermarket coughing all over the place without covering my mouth.

Tonyaster · 04/04/2020 10:22

I still wouldn't go around the supermarket coughing all over the place without covering my mouth

Nor would anyone else in this thread.

bruffin · 04/04/2020 11:09

Ginfordinner
They are still very heavy and awkward if you are not strong.

Ginfordinner · 04/04/2020 11:18

I guess they will be OK if you don't have steps or public transport to negotiate. My parents never had a car, so my mum used a shopping trolley for her weekly shop for the four of us.

It was just a thought.

Round where I live people without cars are using taxis to get them and their shopping home. I see them outside the supermarket with shopping trolleys full of bags waiting for their taxi to turn up. Our taxis are still running BTW.

derxa · 04/04/2020 11:40

For the love of God, mind your own business This

Bananabixfloof · 04/04/2020 12:30

No I'm saying he should have covered his mouth, like anyone coughing. I see no reason to call the op unreasonable in what she did She had every right, he was endangering people, knowingly. He didn't care
If OP had said to him, please cover your mouth, I would agree with that. But she didnt, she told him it would be better to wait outside.
He also wasnt endangering anyone unless you know for sure he had the virus.

Ginfordinner · 04/04/2020 12:33

He also wasn't endangering anyone unless you know for sure he had the virus.

But no-one knows for sure that he hasn't either.

Italiangreyhound · 04/04/2020 12:42

"So why are people having a go at the op then?"

People on mumsnet like to 'have a go's.

If the OP has posted in the Coronavirus section they would not have got these mean comments. It's AIBU as normal.