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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At The End Of My Tether With Cat

163 replies

Moodymagpie · 02/04/2020 21:11

We have 2 female cats a 6 year old bengal and a 2 year old siamese.

The siamese is driving me nuts.

She was perfectly fine up until 6 months ago when our littlest DD was born when siamese suddenly became kitty from hell. She's destructive, she always used to use her cat tree, now she's tagging carpets, bedding, furniture, climbing curtains ect. She's become aggressive to our bengal, who is the most gentle and non aggressive cat ever.

But the worst thing is she's stopped using her litter tray... We have a total of 3 litter boxes in our house.. One for each cat and one spare.

She's a Fing nightmare.

She pees on all the baby clothes, the cot, shits on the carpet in the nursery, shits right next to the litter box.

The back door is open during the day now as the weather is warming up.. She won't go out and do her business. I've tried everything

Locking the doors, she meowls and doesn't stop,

Clean the litter box daily and scoop and soon as its been used. She refuses to use it.

I've taken her to the vet incase she had an underlying health problem. She doesn't. Shes just being a bastard.

I've tried feliway, Orange peel, pepper, bleach

I've even locked her outside for a few hours... As soon as she came in she went straight to the clean pile of baby washing and peed all over it.

She's currently locked in the shed with food, water her bed and a litter box.

Please help. I don't know what else to do and I don't want to rehome her. I know the baby is a huge change for her and she's stressed...

OP posts:
Nannewnannew · 03/04/2020 10:51

Moodymagpie I’m so sorry that you’re getting such a hard time on here, that’s the last thing you need on top of the stress of the cat. I’m afraid I don’t have any suggestions because I’m not familiar with Siamese cats but I just wanted to say that I understand your frustration with her. I do hope you find a solution for you both and I don’t think you are being cruel. 💐

Original poster
Moodymagpie · 03/04/2020 10:59

I came on here wanting help.

My animals are NOT abused. They are loved and cared for. They have several cat trees. One of which is ceiling height with several ledges. I've already explained she refused to use them.

The shed, isn't as much a shed as a revamped cat house. That was poor choice of words while I was irritated. She was not locked in there, she could come and go as she pleased with the open cat flap.

The shed has a number of ledges, rope climbers, a cat tree plush fresh wet food, water and her bed.

I fail to see how putting her there is abuse.

Countless times I've defended myself.

FFS she isn't abused at all. She isn't hit, smacked, shouted at, underfed or overfed... Which is abuse by the way. How many of your pets are fat. That's abuse...

She was let out after an hour and a half when the door was opened and she didn't want to come out anyway.

She spent the night shut in the kitchen. With food, water litter tray and her ball.

It's sad that people on mumsnet hide behind thier screens and follower the leader with replies. It leads me to believe that people really are sheep.

You should all be ashamed.

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 03/04/2020 11:01

Siamese cats can be very different from an average moggy, much more needy and sensitive

BovaryX · 03/04/2020 11:04

You should all be ashamed

Nope. Not remotely. You posted here looking for advice, people gave you advice including consider rehoming because your cat is clearly distressed and unhappy. Your response was to swear and shout. And you're on another thread lecturing some woman that she's selfish because she is considering a termination? Get over yourself.

12345ct · 03/04/2020 11:15

I feel sorry for your other cat and baby. Everyone is feeling sorry for your "poor neglected cat" but nobody seems to care about your poor cat that's being bullied and your babies things being urinated on.

BovaryX · 03/04/2020 11:26

I feel sorry for your other cat and baby
I feel sorry for everyone in this poster's household...

chockaholic72 · 03/04/2020 11:31

Jesus - look at you all picking on a new mum who's stressed out! Humans (mum and baby) are more important than pets! Some of you should be really ashamed of yourselves.

JudyCoolibar · 03/04/2020 11:32

I don't understand how the cat was "let out" if she's got a cat flap? Doesn't that mean she can get in and out anyway?

penguingorl · 03/04/2020 11:37

I am a slave to 2 siamese, it has been a huge learning experience. I've had them around the same as you've had your girl, so I assume you've had a similar learning experience. While I don't think that you're willingly abusing her I do think that you are failing to see that she currently has a terrible life. Surely you realise from living with her that her favourite thing in the whole world is cuddles with her human? As a pp said, Siamese are not like other cats. They live and breathe companionship and fun with their humans, your girl has lost this. You can turn your shed in to a palace but it will never replace your love and your company. Please, consider rehoming her as she is clearly deeply unhappy due to your current circumstances, which are not going to change so therefore you can't help her. I think that deep down you know this, that alongside being so tired and stressed out is why you've been so defensive on this thread. If she was a moggy then I would back up some of the solutions/suggestions on this thread, but Siamese are unique in their needs and how bonded they get to us.

TheClaws · 03/04/2020 11:38

You should all be ashamed

How about thanking those that took the time to give reasonable, practical and kind advice to you - even if they felt like doing otherwise?

BovaryX · 03/04/2020 11:45

@chockaholic72

I suggest you look at the vitriolic abuse Moody is offering on the thread linked below which has resulted in multiple reports.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3869504-Will-I-cope-with-another-baby-Really-not-sure?watched=1&msgid=95278512#95278512

Loopyloopy · 03/04/2020 11:50

OP, ignore the crazy mumsnetters who appear to think that the needs of one cat should trump the needs of three kids, a mum, and the other cat. You've tried hard in a difficult situation. It sounds like rehoming might be the best option for everyone.

Couchbettato · 03/04/2020 11:53

I think that you've done the right thing OP, but if you love her you should re-home her.

You can't give her what she needs and your babies come before any animal. Your cat soiling your babies things could make your baby very sick.

You could wait it out and try every method the internet has to throw at you but in all that time you're putting your baby at risk.

What has your cat soiled or marked that you haven't noticed yet? What about when that goes into your baby's mouth?

The cat is distressed, you're distressed, the only way you can work through that is with time, dedication, money and patience which you've already said is running thin with 3 children.

It's a sad thought but it's in the best interest of everyone to re-home that cat.

Rubyupbeat · 03/04/2020 11:54

You are a disgusting person to lock a cat in the shed, shes bloody unhappy, its obvious, feeling pushed out, little wonder there!
I would report you if I knew where you lived.

CSIblonde · 03/04/2020 12:00

She's stressed by the new baby so marking her territory. Google the "Cat Daddy", Jackson Galaxy who does My Cat from Hell on TV. He's amazing on exactly this kind of issue. Siamese are very intelligent & vocal, they need a lot more play & stimulation than a moggy IME. Good luck.

TheABC · 03/04/2020 12:04

Ignoring the frothy posters, I would suggest the following:

  • Read a few of Vicky Hall's books. She is very good at getting to the bottom of cat behaviour
  • If you can afford it, consider a cat behaviourist. My parents did so for their stressed dog: it made a huge amount of difference.
  • In the meantime, love-bomb your cats. Keep the babies room shut (yes, she will protest) and distract her with treat hunts, games, and cardboard boxes with a little catnip. Your oldest child can help out, here. Do you have a routine time for cuddles/play for them (e.g. the evening?).

Finally, if all else fails and you really are struggling, consider rehoming. It's better then an unhappy household.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 03/04/2020 12:05

Bovary
Moodie posts on that thread have thankfully been deleted but lets just say at best they were unhelpful, unsympathetic at best for someone who claims to work in that field .

But really savage and vicious would be better words .

Mulanlin · 03/04/2020 12:09

ignore the crazy mumsnetters who appear to think that the needs of one cat should trump the needs of three kids, a mum, and the other cat. You've tried hard in a difficult situation. It sounds like rehoming might be the best option for everyone
I agree with this.
Humans come first and this cat is making the home miserable because of her misery. As upsetting as that is, your kids come first and it would be better for her to be rehomed where she can receive the attention and patience she needs. It sounds like you’re a very caring ‘cat mum’ and you’re just at the end of your tether- anyone would be after dealing what you’ve had to deal with on top of normal housework, the kids etc.

Mulanlin · 03/04/2020 12:12

You are a disgusting person to lock a cat in the shed, shes bloody unhappy, its obvious, feeling pushed out, little wonder there!
I would report you if I knew where you lived
And say what exactly?
‘The cat has been destroying the house so this woman has been locking the cat in a shed...no not a normal garden shed...a large one with a cat flap and a plethora of climbing trees and toys....yes I think this cat is being abused’ Hmm
Hun the authorities don’t want to know when animals are ACTUALLY being abused, I find it very amusing that you think that they would look at the OP’s situation and think that cat is being mistreated

Fluffybutter · 03/04/2020 12:13

I was going to offer my sympathy but your last reply is just shitty.
Just because people feel strongly about their cats doesn’t mean they’re “sheep” that doesn’t even make sense .
Anyway , rehome the cat, as you have been told numerous times, they need lots of love and attention and you aren’t able to give it to her .
You’d be a better person if you’d manage to rehome the cat so someone who has time for her can give her what she needs.
Getting nasty about it really isn’t helping your cause

Mistystar99 · 03/04/2020 12:17

In the meantime your house must really stink of cat piss so open up all the windows and get a bit of air in!!

TheClaws · 03/04/2020 12:17

My animals are NOT abused. They are loved and cared for. They have several cat trees. One of which is ceiling height with several ledges. I've already explained she refused to use them

This, and the rest of your post, just describes the ordinary things pet owners provide. What I didn’t see anywhere was where you sit and play with her, or set aside time for a cuddle, or just stroke her and let her know she is loved. That is what she needs. Not more toys.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 03/04/2020 12:20

To be fair to the OP, it seems that this is the straw that is breaking the camel's back.

When my cats decide to miss their tray and use their (very £) honeycomb mat that lies in front , or deposit a nugget of turd on the carpet or even scrape their bums on the carpet I'm thinking

"Seriously ..................the tray is ------> it is clean. It fits you "
"Why would you DO that "?

But to have something constantly soiled deliberately is relentlessly hard .

But that cat is so stressed and unhappy , poor soul. Sad

Toddlerteaplease · 03/04/2020 12:31

Ask for this thread to be moved to the Litter tray. You'll get better advice on there.