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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At The End Of My Tether With Cat

163 replies

Moodymagpie · 02/04/2020 21:11

We have 2 female cats a 6 year old bengal and a 2 year old siamese.

The siamese is driving me nuts.

She was perfectly fine up until 6 months ago when our littlest DD was born when siamese suddenly became kitty from hell. She's destructive, she always used to use her cat tree, now she's tagging carpets, bedding, furniture, climbing curtains ect. She's become aggressive to our bengal, who is the most gentle and non aggressive cat ever.

But the worst thing is she's stopped using her litter tray... We have a total of 3 litter boxes in our house.. One for each cat and one spare.

She's a Fing nightmare.

She pees on all the baby clothes, the cot, shits on the carpet in the nursery, shits right next to the litter box.

The back door is open during the day now as the weather is warming up.. She won't go out and do her business. I've tried everything

Locking the doors, she meowls and doesn't stop,

Clean the litter box daily and scoop and soon as its been used. She refuses to use it.

I've taken her to the vet incase she had an underlying health problem. She doesn't. Shes just being a bastard.

I've tried feliway, Orange peel, pepper, bleach

I've even locked her outside for a few hours... As soon as she came in she went straight to the clean pile of baby washing and peed all over it.

She's currently locked in the shed with food, water her bed and a litter box.

Please help. I don't know what else to do and I don't want to rehome her. I know the baby is a huge change for her and she's stressed...

OP posts:
TheSparklyPussycat · 03/04/2020 00:47

*to get MN to move this thread

Electrical · 03/04/2020 00:52

Your multiple kids aren’t an excuse though, they didn’t appear in your house by magic, you chose to have quite a lot of kids (in this day and age) and chose to purchase designer cats. Meh. Can the people who bred the animals take it back? The animals they bred should, ethically, remain their responsibility for the animals lifetime.

Luci459 · 03/04/2020 01:06

You sound stressed. Ignore ppl.

Hope you're ok op! No Advice x

SadThanksWine

underthepatio · 03/04/2020 01:11

Your multiple kids aren’t an excuse though, they didn’t appear in your house by magic, you chose to have quite a lot of kids (in this day and age) and chose to purchase designer cats.

Wow!

Only on Mumsnet would a request for advice to stop a cat messing indoors evoke criticism about the the amount of children you have and the breed of cats you chose.

How is this remotely helpful? The OP cannot un-have children or magically change the breed of her cats.

aussieaussieaussieoioioi · 03/04/2020 01:18

Second reposting in The Litter Tray op. Might find people with half a brain instead of 'you're cruel' and 'just rehome'.

Blackredblack · 03/04/2020 04:09

Electrical, the cat in question was rescued. Nowhere has the op said the cats were purchased.

Some of the replies on this post are just so fucking mean. The op has 3 small kids, a very distressed cat, another cat who is being bullied and may also be dealing with isolation.

She could have pnd, depression or any other mental health issues. Which is why you should think before you post.

I have severe depression and complex PTSD. If I needed help, the horrible, shitty kind of replies I’ve seen on all over Mumsnet would put me off asking for help.

Please think of how your words effect other people. It really wouldn’t kill anybody to get their message across with some kindness.

Indiemeg · 03/04/2020 04:58

I use Clomicalm 5mg for my cat. I give half a tablet per day for inappropriate wetting.It is only available on prescription from the vet but you can also (with prescription)order it online to save money.It’s an antidepressant.I hate having to medicate for a behavioral problem but we worked with the vet, tried everything we could and this was a last resort.My cat was a rescue and a really unusual little character but we think quite damaged and we’d reached the point where everything in the house was being ruined.

Booboostwo · 03/04/2020 06:47

Well you have had various suggestions which you have ignored in favour of shouting. What tests has your vet carried out? What conditions have been ruled out? Have you tried Fluexetide, the most common treatment for this problem? Would you be willing to consult a behaviourist?

Suzanne12 · 03/04/2020 07:08

Can't understand why some people are being so horrible on here. You're clearly doing your best. Sorry I don't have any suggestions but hope it improves for you soon.

finn1020 · 03/04/2020 07:15

Rehome her. It’s not cruel, it’s kind. She’s unhappy because of the baby, and she’s going to continue to be unhappy with a toddler and young child in her space.

Northernsoullover · 03/04/2020 07:18

Some of you posters on here have been an absolute disgrace. A bullying baying mob. Please get this thread moved OP.

madcatladyforever · 03/04/2020 07:23

You may have to rehome her, it sounds like she's thoroughly disturbed by the changes in the household.
My cat has been through phases of this during times of change but seems to be better behaved now she's older and definitely after her stroke, now she wobbles round the house minding her own business and sleeping a lot. Bless her.

polkadotpixie · 03/04/2020 07:25

Have you tried fluoxetine (Prozac) OP?

It can be prescribed by a vet for use in animals. Maybe worth a try before re-homing?

TheClaws · 03/04/2020 07:28

Reading your OP, it is very clear what the problem is. Your cat doesn’t know how to receive affection from you any longer, and you are not in a state to give any to her. What others have advised above is useful: ask your vet for some calming medicine. When she’s settled down a bit, introduce some affection. You say you love this cat. You can do it and she’s worth it.

MadamShazam · 03/04/2020 07:33

I agree @Northernsoullover, the attitude of some folk on here is shameful. OP I'm sorry I have no advice except remove this thread before the mob starts in with the pitchforks. Fucking mumsnet.

cealewis · 03/04/2020 07:36

Frankly, this is animal abuse and I can't believe someone would be shameless enough to admit to this on a public forum. What you have to understand is that from your cat's perspective, it's YOUR baby that's the bastard.

Cats are territorial creatures, this new animal has entered and taken over her territory. Peeing is textbook cat behaviour for trying to reclaim territory. It doesn't have to be an either or situation.

The cat feels she is not getting the same level of attention as she used to. You need to show them both attention at the same time, or the cat will always feel like she is being excluded and needs to do things to get your attention. Cats in distress will do anything for attention, even bad attention. So punishing her, from her perspective is better than nothing or being ignored because of the baby. The more time you all spend together, she will come to learn that the baby is not a "threat".

If you don't think this is possible, you should rehome her although at this time, it will be extremely difficult. Also, Siamese are a notoriously "needy" breed who need affection and human contact. If you can build up to it, let your baby touch the cat so she won't be so afraid of her.

TwilightPeace · 03/04/2020 07:41

Wow the absolute nastiness of some people on here when someone is going through a hard time and asking for help! Bullies should be ashamed of yourselves.

I hope you are OK OP, it’s a very difficult situation. I don’t have any answers but I’m sorry you have had such nasty responses.

Wolfiefan · 03/04/2020 07:48

So what has the vet actually recommended. What have you tried? Medication? Making changes at home?
You need to keep doors closed and make sure she can’t get to baby clothes etc to ruin them.
This cat needs time and attention. You must give that. Three children or not. The alternative is to rehome. Did she come from a rescue centre? Could they advise?

ChillinInMyBacta · 03/04/2020 07:52

Why on earth are you posting in AIBU when Litter Tray has all the support and suggestions.

Pelleas · 03/04/2020 07:55

Just to say, I think people should be kinder to the OP. I've lived with an incontinent cat (old age/kidney problems) and it is incredibly stressful. You walk round on eggshells because you never know where the next damp patch is going to be, your house reeks of cat pee and chemicals. The OP is having to manage a baby as well, so show her some support.

missmouse101 · 03/04/2020 07:58

OP, I would rehome her. It's sad for you but you have tried so much and I feel for your poor other cat. She would be much happier in a quiet new home and peace would be restored at yours. Flowers

SimonJT · 03/04/2020 07:59

What tests have the vets carried out?
What medication has the cat had and for how long?
How much 1:1 attention does the cat get perday?
Is the other cat showing any guarding behaviours e.g laying on stairs etc to block access.

My cat became very stressed when we moved, like your cat it was obvious as she was toileting outside of her little trays, displaying aggressive behaviour etc.

The vet ruled out UTI, thyroid problems etc. She is now on zyklene daily and I always have a pet remedy plug in running. She also seems to prefer structure now, where as in the old flat she didn’t seem to have a preference. So her two daily play times are always at a regular time, she also has more things to stimulate her like treat puzzles etc.

It was about 3-4 months before she was pretty much back to her normal self, so it didn’t take very long.

She still has the odd moment, but when she does you have to remain calm, becoming stressed, shouting or acting aggressively will only cause the cats behaviour to deteriorate.

MadamShazam · 03/04/2020 08:03

@cealewis what planet are you on?? This is absolutely NOT animal abuse, and all those suggestions you made,the OP has already tried. She is at her wits end, as most of us would be. Put your pitchfork away and look up the word empathy

cealewis · 03/04/2020 08:16

Does she actually want help then if she has tried everything? Or are you looking for people to confirm that you should rehome the cat? What kind of help were you expecting to get if you insist that you have tried everything? People are tying to help you and give you guidance, it's not just criticism.

Booboostwo · 03/04/2020 08:20

The OP has given very very few details as to what she has tried or what medical conditions have already been excluded by the vet. Nor has she responded to new suggestions.

Instead she wrote a misleading first post suggesting the cat was now locked up in a shed, which she then changed while telling us how stupid we are not to have known the difference.

I get that the OP is stressed but it’s not the fault of anyone on here.