WWYD? Grandad’s war record

[TrickyGrandad]

As a part of my son’s work sent home from school, there’s an investigation project into relatives experience of war, rationing, evacuation, service, that sort of thing.

WWYD if you knew that Grandad’s war record was highly controversial? My child never met this Grandad but knows where he fits in the family tree, obviously.

Would you use this as a learning experience OR keep it under wraps for when they’re older. Safe to say this isn’t an aspect of war that school are exploring.

Base the project on the other grandfather?

Your family must have children extraordinarily late.

Of course a Y6 child can have a GP who remembers WW2. DS is 4 and his GP is 87.

Without giving too much away I’d be interested in hearing about grandad. I knew someone whose only photo of their paternal grandad was in Nazi regalia.

Too young to deal with that. Keep it quiet for now. Maybe in many years you can discuss it but not with such a young child.

That's interesting and you'll have to deal with it sooner or later. Presumably it's something you've had to deal with yourself, too? When you say grandad, it's not clear if it's the child's grandad or yours, or your partner's father or grandad.
But yr 6 is too young IMHO.

Loads of literature though on intergenerational trauma from the side of having an ancestor who was a perpetrator rather than a victim.
I'm very curious because this is broadly my field - but I understand if you don't want to say much!

I would choose another grandparent relative. I wouldn’t lie to my child. I’d say something like, it’s quite an upsetting story. I’ll talk to you about it some other time. For now let’s write this about xxxx relative.

He’s 11! Not young. I was fascinated with the war when I was that age.

If he was older (17/18 or older), it could be an interesting discussion about how/why ppl got involved in such a heinous regime, but Y6 is too young, IMO.

I've known a couple of ppl whose German relatives were involved with the Nazis, but it's a discussion for adults, not children.

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets My DS (11) is also fascinated with military history, but talking about a relative who may have committed or ordered evil acts is too much to handle at that age, don't you think?

It's one thing to talk in general about military strategy, quite another to talk about a relative's actions (or concentration camps, for example. My DS knows they existed, but that's it for right now).

Yes this was Great Grandad - his first generation grandparents were born in the fifties and whilst doing the British side of the family is easy, it’s the European side where the controversy is.

Onalongsabbatical, can you expand a bit? We didn’t know any of this, it’s only come out recently. We haven’t spoken to the kids about this aspect of their heritage but it’s there. In spades.

Make something up using history websites for reference.
FWIW my DM was 1 when WW2 started and my DF was 5. DF has the more unusual story as he was evacuated from the UK to Canada.

DS is of Anglo German decent. His great great grandfather on my side was in the RAF and a POW for 4 years. His other great grandfather on his father's side removed the gold from teeth of Jews in concentration camps and was a Nazi.

It's history, I can't hide it and I won't. You can't erase people from your past as much as we would like to and their actions.

You can have a very child friendly conversation and explain, it's a learning opportunity in my opinion.

It's not easy, but I don't think making something up or hiding it will do any favours.

Say he was German. Does that mean that his children grew up in wartime Germany, or postwar Germany, as that could put an interesting perspective on things

One of my grandparents was German and I was bullied for it by a gang of boys at school after I mentioned it in a presentation about my family when I was about 8. They called me a 'nazi' in the playground. I found it very stressful at the time, I definitely wouldn't mention your grandfather's background.

Separatedswans- did grandad share that detail himself?

Aroundtheworldin80doves they grew up in postwar/post occupied European country, ostracised because of what had happened, and then moved to UK.

TrickyGrandad hang on a tick I'll try and find you some references to look up.

Make something up, or focus on the rise of the Nazi’s rather than the truth. If you tell the truth People will never forget that, and it’s not really anyone else’s business tbh.

If it is something really interesting, that would be good, would make a change from the usual stories. If it is something truly horrific then I would save it for later and use a different ancestor t to focus on!

That's my point @Brunelofbrio, when average life expectancy in UK is less than 81, most children won't be so fortunate.

Do not share that op!!! Keep it quiet.

I think it’s important to know family history, but very unwise and potentially damaging to release such sensitive information into the wild is school at such a young age.

Keep this on a need to know basis, and as your kids get older, you can discuss it with them without the judgement and bullying that would ensue if you talked about to a wider audience now.

However well your kids take it, their classmates can be dicks. I would save it for when they are adults, if they need to know at all.

I dont think you should hide it
BUT... Other children may treat him unfairly/be cruel about it.

I'd tell him but exclude from school report.