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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why I'm getting abuse?

305 replies

NewDOOFUSfor20 · 02/04/2020 10:40

I'm an A&E nurse, I have had to leave my DH and ds at home and move into accommodation as I pose a risk to them both. This was not an easy decision, I'm heartbroken as is my family, but it felt like I'm damned if I do damned if I don't.
Last night on a "spotted" page I follow on Facebook somebody wrote in to ask if them and their 3 friends that they are "spending isolation together" with could go to the park for a game of football. I asked them if they thought this was a holiday, I took that terminology as "spending Christmas together", and suggested playing their football game in the garden. Oh my god, the abuse I have been given! Apparently this is something I signed up for (bloody well didn't sign up to have to leave my family), I am part of the problem as I'm spreading this around, I'm "thick" because a game of football is a form of exercise and that is allowed under government guidelines, I'm bitter because they can spend time playing with their mates whereas I've walked out in my family.

I honestly don't get this. Spending isolation together makes it sound like they're not taking this seriously, football games are not essential (and are being dispersed by police). It's mainly 20-something men that have been abusive, not that that makes a difference I guess, and they have displayed an enormous lack of ignorance around the whole situation.

Do I deserve the abuse I've been getting? Should I have just stfu (I have barely commented on anything on Facebook because our trust are monitoring our social media). I just got annoyed that people are STILL disregarding the guidelines set out, if they continue to act like this then we will be facing similar measures to Spain and Italy where any outdoor exercise is forbidden.

OP posts:

Helpmefly94 · 02/04/2020 14:20

all I want is for people to adopt some responsibility and not do something, just because it hasn't been spelled out in exact terms that it shouldn't be done
You’re wrong- it’s been said that it is allowed. It’s exercise with members of the household.
YOU got it wrong and you still can’t admit that.
You might be a nurse but you’re not the final word on what people can and cannot do.
Read up on the government guidelines, read this entire thread and check you’re right before commenting on other people in future.

Dontbesillysteven · 02/04/2020 14:32

It's obvious what happened. Strangers were querying something on FB, OP actually had no clue of guidelines or legislation and piled in telling them it's 'not allowed' while being passive aggressive asking if they 'think it's a holiday', suggesting they're not taking lockdown 'seriously' and giving unecessary details about her being a nurse and moving out of her family home to protect her family from potential exposure (which was her decision, may be the correct one but nothing anywhere saying she had to and for many nurses/Drs this is not an option).

She thought she'd get a pat on the back but got her arse handed to her because she was wrong and so came onto MN to complain while backtracking that she didn't mean 'holiday' she meant 'like Christmas/Easter when families get together'.

JustMySize · 02/04/2020 14:34

@NewDOOFUSfor20

So sorry you have had to put up with this, it is unbelievable.

I thank you for what you are putting yourself through.

Some people are just unable to understand anything important, they believe the are above everyone else but when it comes down to it, they may have to rely on you to care for them and their stupidity.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 14:34

Just mind your own in future and you won’t open yourself up to abuse, justified or not.

I'd imagine op would love to mind her own right now - her own family!

The comments from people on here are disgusting. Whether the op was right or wrong in saying what she said about football, who do some of you think you are? Slating the op and saying it's just sour grapes because she's working and others are at home ,- what's wrong with you? Do you have any idea what op is doing at work? Do you get what drs and nurses are seeing and doing? Then to top it all she can't even go home to her family.

Op, even as a long retired nurse I can only imagine what you are dealing with right now and my heart goes out to you and your NHS colleagues, to then have no ways to relax or wind down afterwards is terrible. Nothing is going to get through to these selfish people, apart from someone close to them ending up in hospital and then no doubt, they'll be blaming everyone else.

Helpmefly94 · 02/04/2020 14:37

@JustMySize but it was the OP who couldn’t understand the guidelines. They didn’t believe they were above everyone else, they were doing what they’re allowed to do- a form of exercise with members of their household!! The OP is just pissed off because she thinks even that shouldn’t be allowed!

Angelcupcake · 02/04/2020 15:05

Hugs to you op. I am also living apart from my family. I miss my little boy so much. He sobs when we facetime. But we are doing the right thing and our loved ones are protected as best as they can be.

There's no point trying to explain to people on the outside. They will never understand. Even before all of this I never used to talk much about work with friends and family. For lots of people on the outside isolating at home, none of this seems very real. I think we just need to stick together, support each other, laugh about inappropriate things :) and feel blessed that our own families are being kept safe xx

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/04/2020 15:26

all I want is for people to adopt some responsibility and not do something, just because it hasn't been spelled out in exact terms that it shouldn't be done

Like the people you’ve antagonised and been passive aggressive towards on social media?

They are taking responsible measures, it’s not rocket science.

Thousands of Key workers (not just doctors and nurses) are front line and risking their lives and their families and they haven’t resorted to public ally trying to shame individuals for their responsible behaviour which is within the guidelines, your personal opinion is neither here or there tbh.

Haffiana · 02/04/2020 15:38

Other NHS nurses don't feel the need to get jealous because Other People are doing things differently to them. Other NHS nurses are not incorrectly making up rules and telling Other People on fb what to do.

What makes you so special, OP?

JustMySize · 02/04/2020 15:48

@Helpmefly94

If they were asking if it would be alright to play football then they must have thought it could possibly be wrong.

Where would they be playing? presumably in a public place, more chance of contact with strangers.

I think that is why @NewDOOFUSfor20 is angry. I could be wrong, I usually am but that was how I read it.

Shitsgettingcrazy · 02/04/2020 15:49

Police/passing people don't know if a group are in the same household so would be forced to interact to check/break it up.

They can stand 2 meters away and speak to them. Ince uts cleared up that they are all from the same household the police move along.

You could say the same thing to any group of people from any household. If 3 brothers go out together, no one would expect them not to.

Are you seriously suggesting police officers are trying to avoid talking to people, completely?

Original poster

NewDOOFUSfor20 · 02/04/2020 15:53

Other NHS nurses don't feel the need to get jealous because Other People are doing things differently to them.

That has to be the biggest cunt statement that you could have said, how fucking dare you?! I am not jealous that people are doing things differently to how I am doing them, what an absolutely ridiculous assumption you make.

I've been reading, wasn't going to comment again but my fucking god that lost has irked me. I'm out.

OP posts:

Hoolawoolatoola · 02/04/2020 15:55

If they were asking if it would be alright to play football then they must have thought it could possibly be wrong
Perhaps but surely the OP should have actually understood the rules before antagonising them and getting it wrong herself.

Where would they be playing? presumably in a public place, more chance of contact with strangers
We’re allowed one lot of exercise a day though. You’d encounter far more people at a close distance walking the pavements in a suburban area. Playing football in a field? People wouldn’t be getting within 2m of the game

Hoolawoolatoola · 02/04/2020 15:57

Police/passing people don't know if a group are in the same household so would be forced to interact to check/break it up
You could say that about people out walking or food shopping but it’s all still allowed

Charlieiscool · 02/04/2020 16:13

haffiana really? I wholeheartedly support the OP’s response to you.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/04/2020 16:18

If they were asking if it would be alright to play football then they must have thought it could possibly be wrong

Where would they be playing? presumably in a public place, more chance of contact with strangers.

It’s just personal opinion, maybe they simply don’t understand the guidelines and asked for clarity because someone people just make up their own guidelines, just like the OP?

Going outside you’re front door /garden for what every reason in a public place... presumably would risk them being in contact with the “strangers”.... irregardless if they were running around a field or playing football in a field... or even in the supermarket....

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 02/04/2020 16:25

OP - I honestly think your mental health will come out of this a lot better if you refrain from using/commenting on Facebook, maybe even mumsnet. You are under immense strain (not just at work but being away from your family) and this is sure to affect your rationality at a time like this. You are seeing very bad things on a daily basis and most people on here are just having to stay at home, with their families watching tv etc - they are not personally affected by it that much.

Please look after yourself and try to use some more positive activities to pass the time
Facebook is largely vile imo.

MumW · 02/04/2020 16:28

I'm at a loss to understand how football can be played keeping both a social distance and without breaking the groups of no more than 2 people other than those you live with.

DefConOne · 02/04/2020 16:29

By only playing football with the people you live with MumW??

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2020 16:29

I'm at a loss to understand how football can be played keeping both a social distance and without breaking the groups of no more than 2 people other than those you live with

They all live together, they don’t need to social distance nor do they need to be in a group of two, because, they live together...

MintyMabel · 02/04/2020 16:30

I asked a question and was faced with a barrage of shit.

You didn’t. You made a judgement, coloured by your own situation.

Nobody should be abusive, but don’t pretend you’re an innocent bystander.

If you are going to decide other people are wrong, you should expect them to respond to defend their corner.

Chillicheese123 · 02/04/2020 16:30

@MumW
for example - you have one dad and three kids from one household. You take a ball and walk to a field, paddock, cricket pitch, moorland where there are no people, maybe the odd person with dog on lead. You kick the ball about between you, take some penalty shots, do some ‘skills’.

It’s not a game of football. But it is ‘going to play football’.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/04/2020 16:32

What bluntness said

I’m at a loss as to how you can’t understand this.

My dh and my 2 sons live in the same household, play football together in an isolated field playing cross bar challenge and 1-1...

LotsaDo · 02/04/2020 16:34

Oh my God. No OP, of course you don't deserve abuse and I can see that it's a really hard time for you but it's driving people mad that they're constantly being berated and judged for doing perfectly legitimate things. It's horrible and upsetting for people who aren't harming others to be told that they're making things worse. The fact that you're working hard doesn't mean you can make those judgements.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 16:35

I think the danger of a group playing football in the park - even if they live together, even if football isn't banned because it's exercise, even if going to the park isn't banned - is that it makes it appear that life is carrying on as normal, that it's like a normal weekend or bank holiday. People seeing them are likely to go to the park for fun, rather than exercise and we have to change our mindsets. We aren't at home because we are on holiday. Businesses and schools haven't closed because it's a holiday. It's a global pandemic and a national emergency. The government aren't paying most of us to stay off work just to watch us all skip off to the park. They are paying us to not go to work so that we stay at home.

NewYearNewJob123 · 02/04/2020 16:36

MumW - There were 4 people who live together. Which is fine. Its not a football match, its a few people from the same house kicking a ball between each other
They could also frisbee, hopscotch, hula hoop or skip. Whatever they like so long as they socially distance from people that don't live with them.

Because exercise is fine alone or with other members of your household and there is no restriction on what form outdoor exercise takes.

The gatherings of no more than 2 people does not apply to people living in the same household or people gathering for work or a funeral or a few other things.

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