Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I'm getting abuse?

305 replies

NewDOOFUSfor20 · 02/04/2020 10:40

I'm an A&E nurse, I have had to leave my DH and ds at home and move into accommodation as I pose a risk to them both. This was not an easy decision, I'm heartbroken as is my family, but it felt like I'm damned if I do damned if I don't.
Last night on a "spotted" page I follow on Facebook somebody wrote in to ask if them and their 3 friends that they are "spending isolation together" with could go to the park for a game of football. I asked them if they thought this was a holiday, I took that terminology as "spending Christmas together", and suggested playing their football game in the garden. Oh my god, the abuse I have been given! Apparently this is something I signed up for (bloody well didn't sign up to have to leave my family), I am part of the problem as I'm spreading this around, I'm "thick" because a game of football is a form of exercise and that is allowed under government guidelines, I'm bitter because they can spend time playing with their mates whereas I've walked out in my family.

I honestly don't get this. Spending isolation together makes it sound like they're not taking this seriously, football games are not essential (and are being dispersed by police). It's mainly 20-something men that have been abusive, not that that makes a difference I guess, and they have displayed an enormous lack of ignorance around the whole situation.

Do I deserve the abuse I've been getting? Should I have just stfu (I have barely commented on anything on Facebook because our trust are monitoring our social media). I just got annoyed that people are STILL disregarding the guidelines set out, if they continue to act like this then we will be facing similar measures to Spain and Italy where any outdoor exercise is forbidden.

OP posts:
pandarific · 02/04/2020 16:42

Ooooh that's a nice flounce op! 10/10

Chillicheese123 · 02/04/2020 16:45

Me and my partner went up on the moor behind our house and played frisbee

To be fair there were probably no people this side of the Pennines near us Grin

MumW · 02/04/2020 16:53

If it's just the household and they are not taking over the whole area and preventing others moving around then I don't see a problem.

JudyCoolibar · 02/04/2020 16:59

But if they're taking up so much room that others walking in the park have their space restricted trying to keep away from the footballers then not OK.

How much room in the average park can three or four people kicking a ball round take up? It would seriously have to be a tiny park in order to restrict other people.

SlipSlidin · 02/04/2020 17:07

Well that went south for the op, didn’t it?

JudyCoolibar · 02/04/2020 17:08

I don't see how anyone can think the rules are 'advice' - the police are enforcing them.

Some police have been seeking to enforce pronouncements that were only guidance - or occasionally not even that. It's now been slightly better clarified that they were wrong to do so. Police are only entitled to enforce the law. The fact that they have been trying to enforce other stuff does not automatically make that "the rules".

Just because they are not absolutely black and white in every single case, is no excuse for trying to find ways to flout the fact or spirit of them.

No, it is pretty black and white, it's spelt out in the Coronavirus Act and regulations. Since, for instance, there is nothing that says that exercise can only be running, walking or cycling, it follows that other types of exercise are perfectly permissible - and that is a not a grey area, it is simple fact.

How can anyone think that 'playing footy in the park with your mates' is possible within the rules?

Because it is, if those mates are people you live with.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 17:16

People are being disgusting to the op.

Right now on the BBC they are reporting how damaging this is going to be for hcps mental health. The decisions that they will be having to make and the effects of what they will be dealing with will not have been experienced in peace time.

People like the op are dealing with this without any of the usual coping mechanisms - no leisure activities, can't meet with friends, can only exercise alone and can't even be with her family, yet you're all on here gloating and sticking the boot in.

I'm disgusted to be a human being at times.

ShagMeRiggins · 02/04/2020 17:20

Other NHS nurses don't feel the need to get jealous because Other People are doing things differently to them. Other NHS nurses are not incorrectly making up rules and telling Other People on fb what to do. What makes you so special, OP?

haffiana you’ve excelled yourself with a lack of empathy. Slow clap.

Meanwhile, let’s all remember to #clapforcarers again tonight at 8pm (virtue-signalling on social media optional), and do spare a thought for the OP, who is isolated from her family in order to do her job for our benefit, including the benefit of those wanting to play football with ‘them and their 3 friends that.. are "spending isolation together"’

What does that even mean?

Go back and read the OP.

Fucking Mumsnet.

LotsaDo · 02/04/2020 17:27

Right now on the BBC they are reporting how damaging this is going to be for hcps mental health.

It will be, absolutely. It's going to be a very damaging time for lots of people and you're right that kindness is needed.
The OP, however, doesn't know what is going on in the lives of the people asking about playing football... perhaps they're struggling, have MH problems, have massive stresses too. The OP wasn't being kind when she chided them for wanting to do something that is allowed. It wasn't even as if she kindly suggested that they shouldn't...she was clearly very ride. None of that warrants abuse but neither should the fact that someone is a HCP put them above criticism.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 17:30

There's criticism ( unwarranted in my opinion because I agree with op, I don't see how playing football at the park is a good idea right now, regardless of whether technically it's allowed) and then there is just being utterly spiteful and crowing at the op.

Hoolawoolatoola · 02/04/2020 17:31

spending isolation together
What does that even mean?
Moving in together to see out the crisis. Normally for mental health, loneliness reasons. Pretty self-explanatory

DefConOne · 02/04/2020 17:32

Hearhoovesthinkzebras It’s your opinion. It doesn’t make you correct.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 17:34

DefConOne

By the same token, people with the opposite opinion aren't necessarily right either then.

Haven't noticed you telling those being awful to the op that it's only their opinion and doesn't make them right.

Mulanlin · 02/04/2020 17:35

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras why do you agree with the OP?
Presumably you have been foregoing your exercise then? No walking or running or anything for you

DefConOne · 02/04/2020 17:36

Hearhoovesthinkzebras The OP was being rude and judgmental on a public FB group about a perfectly legal activity.

Mulanlin · 02/04/2020 17:36

people with the opposite opinion aren't necessarily right either then
But the OP and you are wrong

DefConOne · 02/04/2020 17:37

No one should be rude and abusive even when responding to someone who in mistaken in their opinion.

Haffiana · 02/04/2020 17:38

and do spare a thought for the OP, who is isolated from her family in order to do her job for our benefit, including the benefit of those wanting to play football with ‘them and their 3 friends that.. are "spending isolation together"’

What does that even mean?

It means that they are a household. It means that they can exercise together. It means that OP took it on herself to decide what is essential for another household, incorrectly tried to shame them on social media and has been called out on it.

Is that clear now?

What has that got to do with hand clapping?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 17:42

@Mulanlin

why do you agree with the OP?

I explained up above why I don't think going to play football at the park is advisable, even with people in your household. I think we need to disabuse the population that we are on same nationwide holiday. The weather this weekend is set to be warm and sunny - encourage people to feel like they are off work for anything other than a life threatening pandemic and we will see scenes at beaches like we saw a couple of weeks ago.

Presumably you have been foregoing your exercise then? No walking or running or anything for you

I'm shielded. I haven't set foot outdoors for three weeks now

LotsaDo · 02/04/2020 17:44

I don't see how playing football at the park is a good idea right now, regardless of whether technically it's allowed

Can I ask you why you think that? I think it's enormously important that people use their exercise time as well as possible. It's been shown that a higher level of fitness helps to fight off coronavirus so that's one reason to keep exercising! It's important for people to keep on top of their physical health. It's also important for people to keep on top of their mental health...being outside and active will help, as will spending time enjoying playing with other household members. There's no need to make this difficult time as painful as possible for as many people as possible. That's just not going to help. I have been 'playing football' a lot with my toddler in our park recently, it's only little but there's more than enough room for a few games of kickabout and dogs and walkers and cyclists. Of course some people may then break the rules or take up lots of space but on the whole they're the sort of people who are likely to do so whatever they're doing and it isn't the fault of playing football.

Mulanlin · 02/04/2020 17:44

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras at least you’re not being a hypocrite

LotsaDo · 02/04/2020 17:50

I think we need to disabuse the population that we are on same nationwide holiday.

I have to say that I find this a really horrible notion. Can't quite put my finger on it but it feels very punitive. People know that we aren't 'on holiday.' People are under a massive amount of stress and are very anxious, why do you feel the need to punish them more and make it harder for them if they aren't breaking the rules. A lot of the 'scenes on beaches' you saw were just tabloid stories with some old pictures and some pictures of people on beaches but not too close to each other. A few are behaving badly but it isn't everyone.

welldonejean · 02/04/2020 17:52

somebody wrote in to ask if them and their 3 friends that they are "spending isolation together" with could go to the park for a game of football. I asked them if they thought this was a holiday'

I get that you're stressed but if they are living together, and observe the 2 metre rules, then why shouldn't they have a kick. around together? The police might check on them, as they may not look like a family group, but then they prove that they're in the same house.

I'm playing footie with my kids in the park, or chasing them around. Not everyone can or wants to jog or walk all the time. there's no official 'list' of exercise - or a time limit on when you can be out and I'm sick of people watching and judging other people.

NewYearNewJob123 · 02/04/2020 17:55

That's the thing though Hooves. You haven't been out for 3 weeks and I am sorry that you have to stay in by the way. But you haven't been out so you don't know what it's like 'out'.

And in no way does it look like everyones 'carrying on like normal' or treating lockdown like a national bank holiday. Pictures in the media, on FB and posters on MN complaining about what they've seen (while also out ironically) are little snapshots and not an accurate representation of most of the country.

I saw drone footage of Bristol (a huge city) the other day and it was frightening how empty it was. An occasional person out and about but that was it. Places that are usually packed with crowds are empty.

It is absolutely not 'carrying on like normal' or a 'national bank holiday'. It's actually eerie and disconcerting.

welldonejean · 02/04/2020 17:57

Oh, and I know I'm not on a 'holiday' - I've had Covid-19 and recovered, I have NO income, I'm home schooling my kids, I'm delivering food to vulnerable neighbours ( and strangers through the volunteer scheme) I worried to death for my DFather who's on his own 500 miles away, and for my best friend and SIL who are both in the shield programme. And my actual holidays have all been cancelled
So I am sure as hell no going to apologise for exercising, or taking my kids out to exercise while we still can, even if it does involve a football!