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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be dreading my birthday?

147 replies

HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 10:17

My partner has let me know in advance that I haven’t got anything for my birthday (in three days) from him because of the “corona situation”... The same situation that has been going on for weeks on end now and is therefore not a complete surprise that came out of nowhere. I.e: There has been plenty of time to order something (and he has even been OOTC fairly regularly so could have easily picked up something there too).

I said it is fine and to forget about it but now thinking about it more, I feel quite upset and like he doesn’t care about my birthday at all. Actually, I am in fact, fuming about it. All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open. When it was his birthday last year I went to the limit and back and made sure he got lots of stuff he wanted and he was so pleased and delighted with his gifts and now it’s my time I feel like I am not even worth the hassle to him, for him to even to run into town for half an hour or so just to buy me a present. I can’t even go anywhere in protest of his uncaring behaviour because of the fucking virus so I’m forced to stay here and just put up with it all. I am literally dreading the day now. I feel like officially cancelling my birthday for the year and resume it next year. On top of that the plans I arranged ages ago have been obviously cancelled now and nobody is allowed out of their houses to visit me on the actual day. I booked the week off work too which has just proven to be a complete waste of time. All I will have to look forward to is some texts and maybe a video call from a sibling. I can’t even take any suggestions to make the day any better because I can’t go anywhere, I’m just going to be trapped here. So my AIBU is: Should I cancel my birthday this year and just treat it like any normal day of the year or still attempt to celebrate even though it will be a crap and uneventful day?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 01/04/2020 10:28

My answer, to the question you didn't ask, is you should dump your partner for not making any effort for your birthday. He could have bought stuff ages ago. He also could buy something on amazon right now for you. He's a thoughtless knob

Modestandatinybitsexy · 01/04/2020 10:29

Tell him you're rebooking you're birthday for when "the corona situation" is over and you expect the same fuss you made over him or he can expect the same treatment for his next birthday - if you're still together then.

LukeSkywalkingOnTheseHaters · 01/04/2020 10:31

What is OOTC?

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 01/04/2020 11:43

Is OOTC out of the country? 🤔

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 01/04/2020 11:48

I 'm sorry but I am one of those people who put no significance on my birthday, or my husbands. I always make sure I buy presents for grandchildren but I have no idea why people want a fuss making of their birthday. As a mother there is something in celebrating the anniversary of the birth. I cant empathise if people feel let down in this way. Perhapds it is more to do with whether you feel valued generally. My OH and all my children make me feel valued so perhaps thats why I dont need a special day, that also includes mothers day. I suppose I am lucky they care

McFarts · 01/04/2020 11:49

Yes he could have made an effort and ordered you something online, as i did for my DHs birthday last week. However i have to say you sound a bit like a spoilt child...hopefully thats just because youre going stir crazy in isolation!

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/04/2020 11:55

Make sure you do nothing for his next birthday. He’s being a prick. What he should have said, before you brought it up, is that it sucks you can’t make the most of booked leave, that he’s sorry he couldn’t get you what he’d planned to, but that he knows you both enjoy birthdays and he’ll make an effort so it’s the best it can be and make a lovely meal, watch your favourite film, drink the best bottle you have in etc and say he’ll arrange a fun day or night out for you when this is over.

Have you told him you’re disappointed?

What’s stopping him from ordering you something, making you breakfast in bed, baking you a cake?

It’s 4 out of the 5 of our birthdays during lockdown and we’re not ignoring them, they’re an excuse for some merriment during this weird time. I can’t understand this weird martyredness of having no fun because we’re all stuck indoors. Same for Mother’s Day. The harder life is the more need for any cause of celebration.

Pugwash1 · 01/04/2020 12:06

Is it a 'special' birthday, 18th, 21st, 40th etc? If so I think I might be a bit miffed but otherwise can't be getting too fussed over a birthday as a grown adult. I've been known to buy my own cards and give them to DH to write as he seems to be missing that bit of DNA that makes him think about things like this, and I do like a card to open! This situation wouldn't bother me too much but I'm not you so if it is causing you angst just tell him, but make sure you tell him exactly why you are upset.

maddy68 · 01/04/2020 12:10

It's my birthday next week. Money is tight in these uncertain times and I don't want my family going to the shops unnecessarily as I would rather they were alive than get me a card which I will chuck in the bin in afew days however I want to be treated nicely and made to feel special. Let's see :)

Funkyslippers · 01/04/2020 12:12

Maybe he could cook you a meal (and clear up after of course!) and let you put your feet up? That would certainly go a long way with me

ViciousJackdaw · 01/04/2020 12:29

Have a second birthday. If it's good enough for Queenie, it's good enough for you.

Istical · 01/04/2020 12:34

YANBU, I would be upset/angry too. I've order my mum's birthday present 3 weeks in advance to make sure she has something, and will leave it on her door step. It's not hard to get on Amazon or eBay.

mummmy2017 · 01/04/2020 12:38

If no one celebrates your birthday, then stop going OTT for others.
No one is ever going to do more, so stopping setting a bar no one will jump over.
Order what you want and give him a bill.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 01/04/2020 12:40

Nothing to stop him ordering from Amazon or other stores than are doing online delivery, except laziness and a bad excuse not to shift his ass into gear for you. Clicking order on a website, oh the effort Hmm Just get him fuck all for his birthday, corona or not.

Camopetals · 01/04/2020 12:42

Get a grip, people are dying.

It was my birthday last week and I was so touched that a handful of people made the effort to send cards, I really wasn't expecting anyone to give my birthday a second thought with everything going on.

My husband got me an Easter card (cos he couldn't get his hands on a birthday one whilst dashing around doing the shopping) and a cake but I really wouldn't have been arsed if he didn't.

bridgetreilly · 01/04/2020 12:42

I think you need to grow up and get over yourself, tbh.

DeadBod · 01/04/2020 12:42

It's my birthday this week and I've already announced that I will be moving it to later in the year. I've yet to decide on a date but thinking about September.
Tell him that you're doing the same and will be expecting a fuss to be made.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2020 12:43

Blimey, it's my birthday in a few days and its never occurred to me to throw a strop about it.

Equally it's my son's 21st soon and even he's resigned to the fact he'll have to celebrate it after all this.

bridgetreilly · 01/04/2020 12:44

And, you know what, it's my birthday next week and I'm not expecting presents to open either. And I've got the week off work and I'm still looking forward to it. It'll be great to be at home, to get lots of things done in the garden, to read books, to catch up with friends via Zoom, and eat chocolate and have a glass of wine. And be glad that I'm still breathing. So yes, YABVU.

bridgetreilly · 01/04/2020 12:45

Nothing to stop him ordering from Amazon or other stores than are doing online delivery,

True, though most things are saying 5-6 weeks delivery time on Amazon at the moment.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/04/2020 12:45

Dear bloody god. Unless it's a "big" birthday grow the fuck up.

My son and his friends are coping with shit 16th birthdays better than this.

HerMajBishop · 01/04/2020 12:45

I had a ‘lockdown’ birthday last week. No presents, but my kids made me cards and DH brought me breakfast in bed and made a nice dinner with wine.

I think you’re being a bit OTT about presents.

1forsorrow · 01/04/2020 12:45

It was my GSs birthday last week. He is 12 and had asked for money as he wanted to buy some stuff for his PlayStation and clothes (just getting into fashion.) So on the day he had money in his account, couldn't see any friends, biggest adventure of the day was walking round to my house when he took his exercise and I had a carrier bag waiting for him with his favourite fizzy drink and some chocolate. At 12 he was more mature about it than you.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 01/04/2020 12:49

just reschedule.
My birthday's coming up, but I think I'll celebrate in Aug/early Sept, all being well. I've always rather envied those with summer birthdays and their barbecues and beer garden sessions. Give everyone permission to ignore the day, and fair warning of your New Birthday.

OlaEliza · 01/04/2020 12:49

All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open

Haven't read any further. Grow the fuck up.

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