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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be dreading my birthday?

147 replies

HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 10:17

My partner has let me know in advance that I haven’t got anything for my birthday (in three days) from him because of the “corona situation”... The same situation that has been going on for weeks on end now and is therefore not a complete surprise that came out of nowhere. I.e: There has been plenty of time to order something (and he has even been OOTC fairly regularly so could have easily picked up something there too).

I said it is fine and to forget about it but now thinking about it more, I feel quite upset and like he doesn’t care about my birthday at all. Actually, I am in fact, fuming about it. All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open. When it was his birthday last year I went to the limit and back and made sure he got lots of stuff he wanted and he was so pleased and delighted with his gifts and now it’s my time I feel like I am not even worth the hassle to him, for him to even to run into town for half an hour or so just to buy me a present. I can’t even go anywhere in protest of his uncaring behaviour because of the fucking virus so I’m forced to stay here and just put up with it all. I am literally dreading the day now. I feel like officially cancelling my birthday for the year and resume it next year. On top of that the plans I arranged ages ago have been obviously cancelled now and nobody is allowed out of their houses to visit me on the actual day. I booked the week off work too which has just proven to be a complete waste of time. All I will have to look forward to is some texts and maybe a video call from a sibling. I can’t even take any suggestions to make the day any better because I can’t go anywhere, I’m just going to be trapped here. So my AIBU is: Should I cancel my birthday this year and just treat it like any normal day of the year or still attempt to celebrate even though it will be a crap and uneventful day?

OP posts:
Knucklehead101 · 01/04/2020 17:53

For the love of God please get over yourself. I find it absolutely incredible that anyone feels this way about a birthday. Basically you are saying you've got a really nice life anyway but that's not enough you want more!

PawPawNoodle · 01/04/2020 17:56

This reply has been deleted

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Turquoisesea · 01/04/2020 18:01

It’s my 50th in a couple of weeks and I genuinely don’t expect anything from my DH. I was supposed to be going away with friends next month for a few days to celebrate and my DH was going to pay for that as a present but obviously it’s now been cancelled. He could order something online but I don’t really see the point in ordering non essential stuff at the moment. For me there’s bigger things to worry about, it’s not really such a big deal and I will celebrate with all the things I was going to do hopefully when all this is over. My birthday isn’t the most important thing that’s happening right now!

Isolemnlyswear · 01/04/2020 18:17

Seriously???? Booked special outings for my DC's birthdays, now cancelled. Told them we will rebook as soon as we can, they are fine about it. My birthday next week and DH hasnt got me anything and to be honest i would rather wait for a present than risk someone getting ill because i want a present delivering now. Think you just need to suck it up buttercup !!

Original poster
HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 18:18

@PolPotNoodle

If he has any sense he'll get you some divorce papers for your birthday

Nice. Not an OTT reaction in the slightest... Hmm

@FlamingoAndJohn

Today over 500 people died from the virus.
Get a sense of perspective.

I didn’t say they didn’t. All I said was that it’s my birthday coming up in the next few days not that it takes precedent over everything else

OP posts:
Intelinside57 · 01/04/2020 18:23

I have a "landmark" birthday tomorrow. My partner and I decided to self isolate over 3 weeks ago (we have some health problems). Do I expect him to have got me a present? Not really. He'll wish me happy birthday and maybe give me tea and toast in bed. We'll do something nice when we can go out together and enjoy ourselves. I can't understand all the drama about birthdays when you're an adult.

PawPawNoodle · 01/04/2020 18:24

@HalloumiFaith it's much of an overreaction as you've had. Smile

Knucklehead101 · 01/04/2020 18:28

@PolPotNoodle ha!! Maybe he will also present her with a sense of proportion and a little bit of humility

ilovesooty · 01/04/2020 18:29

I think expecting him to go non essential shopping at a time like this is utterly unreasonable.

Scruffyoak · 01/04/2020 18:30

It's nearly mine and I actually dont care right now
I'm kinda glad I can have a low key birthday!

mbosnz · 01/04/2020 18:36

We model to our children the way in which we show love, value and appreciation for each other by marking our special days. My girls would wonder what the hell was up if one of us didn't go to a reasonable sort of effort for the other's birthday (situation dependent).

And sometimes it's more important to make an effort (albeit situation and resource dependent) in hard times, than in the easy, good ones, giving everyone that little bit of light, warmth and normality.

I'm already thinking about DH's birthday in June, because I want to make sure I have at the very least, something to give him, and the ability to make a special meal for him.

funnylittlefloozie · 01/04/2020 18:37

Oh OP, you have run afoul of the MN birthday grouches, who think any adult who wants a bit of consideration from their nearest and dearest on one day, is being a spoilt brat. This year, they are even more smug because who could even consider having a card and a cake when people are DYYYYYYIIINNNGGGG. Perhaps you should just stick a candle into a bowl of gruel.

Original poster
HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 18:45

Very well said @funnylittlefloozie

Agree 100%

OP posts:
Twigletgirl27 · 01/04/2020 18:51

It's my birthday at the end of this month but honestly I don't care! I'm going to be 54, not 5! Hopefully I'll get some cards, flowers and maybe a takeaway. And once things are back to normal I'll celebrate with a vengeance!

TacoLover · 01/04/2020 18:56

All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open

Are you 12 years old?

You know a voucher costs money is a gift? You should be grateful that you have a gift even if you don't get to open it ffs.

TacoLover · 01/04/2020 18:56

*costs money and is a gift

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 01/04/2020 18:59

As you can see, a lot of people aren’t really that arsed about their own birthday.

If it bothers you that much you will have to tell him. Just have a “second” birthday later in the year. No big deal.

Andypandy81 · 01/04/2020 18:59

Think it is unfair you are getting such a hard time about this post . Yes we are on lockdown but your oh could order things online and the next time he is out for essential shopping try to pick up a cake and a card at the supermarket. Even if he didn’t order something online it cost nothing to run you a nice bath and cosy up and watch a movie.

bridgetreilly · 01/04/2020 19:09

But the thing is he does cook me meals and lets me lie in and lets me watch stuff I want to watch on TV already, so none of those suggestions would be out of the ordinary or anything special, it would just be another everyday day and I want a special something for my birthday.

So he makes a fuss of you every day, in fact?

Maybe stop and take a hard look at yourself, OP. Because you are sounding more and more like a spoilt brat with every post.

Sheldonoscopy · 01/04/2020 19:18

It’s my birthday very soon and I’ll be spending it alone with my dc. Am I disappointed not to be able to have the day planned? Well yeah, because it would have been nice to see friends and my dc.
But will I fuss? Hell no! My dc will think it’s my best birthday yet, because it’s just us.

My eldest wanted to make me breakfast in bed but is too young to do it alone. So we will make breakfast together and take it to my bed. I’ll probably have to watch naff kids tv. But honestly I’ll be squeezing the little tykes close and thanking my lucky stars that I have them, and that will be more than enough for me.
I’ll sleep better that night because us being isolated means I still have them.

This year is a really weird one. Likely we’ll still be in lockdown for my dcs birthdays too. I’ll order presents, wrap them, fuss on them.

Our holiday has been cancelled, we can’t see our family members unless we FaceTime/Skype/ Zoom. Life feels weird and I don’t like it, nor do my kids. But we are making the best of it because nobody could have seen this coming and whilst a birthday is a nice thing, it’s not something to get grumpy over it not being exactly how we plan.

Flibbitygibbit · 01/04/2020 19:22

Mine is 7th. Told everyone to wait until this is all over 🤷‍♀️

EmeraldShamrock · 01/04/2020 19:25

But the thing is he does cook me meals and lets me lie in and lets me watch stuff I want to watch on TV already, so none of those suggestions would be out of the ordinary or anything special, it would just be another everyday day and I want a special something for my birthday
Where did you tie the knot OP. Was in it Hawaii, Maui maybe.

Original poster
HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 19:43

@bridgetreilly

But the thing is he does cook me meals and lets me lie in and lets me watch stuff I want to watch on TV already, so none of those suggestions would be out of the ordinary or anything special, it would just be another everyday day and I want a special something for my birthday.

So he makes a fuss of you every day, in fact?

Maybe stop and take a hard look at yourself, OP. Because you are sounding more and more like a spoilt brat with every post.

Oh I’m sorry, the fact my partner and I treat each other as equals and both cook meals for each other and both take up the slack alternative mornings so the other can get a lie in and both watch what the other thinks is absolute utter crap just because their BF enjoys it is a speciality and considered a s a “makes a fuss” for some.

OP posts:
nicerainyweather · 01/04/2020 19:46

Get H to make a nice meal, watch a good film with wine / snacks.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 01/04/2020 19:47

You are being fucking ridiculous.
I like birthday, I always do something special, yet this year we are just having drinks and dinner. It made me bit sad, but that's how it is.
When all this mess ends, we will go somewhere.

With every update you lost a bit of my sympathy, there was not much anyway after the op, now there is nothing left.

You say yourself he normally treats you very well so stop being a spoiled teenager and get on with it like the rest of us adults.