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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be dreading my birthday?

147 replies

HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 10:17

My partner has let me know in advance that I haven’t got anything for my birthday (in three days) from him because of the “corona situation”... The same situation that has been going on for weeks on end now and is therefore not a complete surprise that came out of nowhere. I.e: There has been plenty of time to order something (and he has even been OOTC fairly regularly so could have easily picked up something there too).

I said it is fine and to forget about it but now thinking about it more, I feel quite upset and like he doesn’t care about my birthday at all. Actually, I am in fact, fuming about it. All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open. When it was his birthday last year I went to the limit and back and made sure he got lots of stuff he wanted and he was so pleased and delighted with his gifts and now it’s my time I feel like I am not even worth the hassle to him, for him to even to run into town for half an hour or so just to buy me a present. I can’t even go anywhere in protest of his uncaring behaviour because of the fucking virus so I’m forced to stay here and just put up with it all. I am literally dreading the day now. I feel like officially cancelling my birthday for the year and resume it next year. On top of that the plans I arranged ages ago have been obviously cancelled now and nobody is allowed out of their houses to visit me on the actual day. I booked the week off work too which has just proven to be a complete waste of time. All I will have to look forward to is some texts and maybe a video call from a sibling. I can’t even take any suggestions to make the day any better because I can’t go anywhere, I’m just going to be trapped here. So my AIBU is: Should I cancel my birthday this year and just treat it like any normal day of the year or still attempt to celebrate even though it will be a crap and uneventful day?

OP posts:
HaveeeeYouMetTed · 01/04/2020 12:49

You're being dramatic.

I've just celebrated my 30th in lockdown. I've put all plans (family getaway, meals out, meeting friends, party) on hold until this all blows over. Yes, it was a strange way to spend my birthday but I had a nice day with my little family regardless & it means I'm 29 until all this blows over so bonus. It's hard to get upset over a birthday when there are people dying who will never see another birthday.

Fatted · 01/04/2020 12:50

I can see it from both sides.

It's my youngest's birthday soon and DH managed to get him the present he wanted above all else. So presents can be got. He's still got time to get something, assuming he actually has the money to get it. I noticed you didn't mention if you're both still working at the moment.

On the other hand, you really need to get a grip OP. People are dying, the economy is in ruins, people are losing their jobs and don't know how they're going to feed their families. Now is not the time to be precious about your 'special day'.

I am 40 in a month. I'm not going to see my friends or family. I don't really want presents because people have more important things to spend their money on right now. I'd be happy with a bunch of flowers from Asda from DH right about now!!

fantasmasgoria1 · 01/04/2020 12:50

My fiance has ordered stuff for me. The Same amount of money but less items. He was anxious to ensure that he got something. The day after of the lock down announcement he had planned to get a couple of things from the jeweller and had ordered a couple of things. The jewellery he had to order instead. I had ordered most of his stuff a while ago. It's no excuse your husband could order you a present. These are difficult times right now and a birthday present is something that would help you feel a bit better about things. He is thoughtless and using excuses.

OlaEliza · 01/04/2020 12:51

Read the rest now, surely this thread is an April Fool post.

Foghead · 01/04/2020 12:55

We have family birthdays at the moment too.
We’ve managed to order some stuff to be delivered, cakes are being baked and family calls are being made.
For my ds birthday, I’ve planned his favourite breakfast, I’ll bake a cake and order him something he wants.
We can still have a nice day.
I suggest you do something similar.
Tell your dh that it’s not too late to order something or add something to the shopping.
Get some nice food and a cake sorted. Invite family for a virtual tea party.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2020 12:57

and now it’s my time I feel like I am not even worth the hassle to him, for him to even to run into town for half an hour or so just to buy me a present.

"Yes officer I know we're in lockdown but it's the wife's Birthdaaaaay, so risking spreading a deadly virus is essential".

Malbecfan · 01/04/2020 13:04

It was mine last weekend. My uni-aged DDs bought me thoughtful lovely presents. DH never plans ahead so I only got a card from him as he "couldn't find anywhere now open selling what you asked for". My elderly Dad is staying with us. He bought me a card (and all our food shopping). Today we were sitting in the garden and I was talking about the new Macbook I want. Dad just said "here's my credit card, order it" so I did!

Younger DD's birthday is next week. This morning I have been online & ordered her some bits I know she'll like, plus a card. My dad wasn't sure what to get her so I have suggested he transfers her some cash, or has a chat about what she would like. I tried to show DH what I was buying but he was "too busy to look now". What goes around comes around. He will get fuck all from us.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 01/04/2020 13:04

Spoilt brat springs to mind. You are, I presume, an adult. Who even cares that much about birthdays unless it's a "big" one once you aren't a child. I don't understand people who need a whole birthday week or all the bells and whistles for a birthday once they're older than 18

MartinJD1976 · 01/04/2020 13:07

"All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open"

This sounds like somthing a child would say. I think you need to grow up a bit.

Best,
MJD

Boysnme · 01/04/2020 13:08

It’s my DSs birthday in a few days. He’s disappointed he’s not going to see his friends and likely won’t get much in the way of presents this year but he’s understanding of it and not thrown a strop. He’s 9.

OptimisticSix · 01/04/2020 13:11

Amazon? Honestly give him a list now and you might get things on time. Otherwise reschedule your birthday, it's what I'm doing because I don't feel like having one this month 😁

LannieDuck · 01/04/2020 13:16

What's he normally like with your birthday? Is he normally as thoughtful as you are with his?

There's nothing to stop him ordering something from Amazon for your birthday, and/or maybe making you a birthday cake (if you have flour etc).

onetwothreeadventure · 01/04/2020 13:16

I got a painted card from my kids on birthday and nothing from my OH. He's usually pretty good but said he didn't want to make an unnecessary trip or order something non essential.

He did make a fuss of me, let me sleep to 10 (we have 2 toddlers who like to get up at 6am and make sure everyone is awake) and had wine on hand so I didn't mind.

As long as they spoil you on the day I don't see it as a big issue right now.

lemontreebird · 01/04/2020 13:17

It saddens me that there are so many out there who have this attitude to their wife's or partner's birthday -

they don't care
they 'forget' (as if!)
they're too busy (please!).

Yet they certainly expect the works when it comes to their own birthday!

And before anyone starts, I'm not on about anyone who doesn't celebrate birthdays. Each to their own, but where someone does celebrate but gets the sum total of ZERO consideration, it's very poor behaviour imo.

Sarahlou63 · 01/04/2020 13:22

I said it is fine and to forget about it

You have a partner who A/listens to you and B/does as you tell him. What more could you wish for?

JulietTango · 01/04/2020 13:24

It's my birthday today, we were supposed to be on holiday in Australia for three weeks.

Instead we've been in for the last three weeks and I had a bacon roll cooked for my breakfast and we'll be having a nice roast dinner for tea.

The situation is what it is. There's nothing anyone can do about it.

DianaT1969 · 01/04/2020 13:27

Yes, I think this thread is an April Fools. Nobody could be this superficial and materialistic during a pandemic. If this is your only problem then you are indeed blessed.
On the other hand, if you just don't like your DH anymore, then take a action on that. He didn't force you to make a fuss of his birthday. Own your choices.

flumposie · 01/04/2020 13:31

My Mum celebrated her 83rd birthday alone last week. My birthday is at the end of the month. I'll spend it with my 10year old daughter and am expecting no presents and maybe a few cards. So what ? We will simply celebrate at a later date. There are more important things to worry about.

user1493494961 · 01/04/2020 13:31

Celebrate your birthday in the summer and maybe get a grip.

Bunnylady54 · 01/04/2020 13:32

YANBU, although I guess you would have more sympathy here if you phrased it more maturely OP. Birthdays do matter. And yes we are in a truly awful scary time but if your partner cares about you, he should be making an effort. Even if he doesn’t think birthdays are important, he knows that you think they are. DH can’t be doing with commercial times like Valentines Day but he still buys me 2 dozen roses, chocolates & a card every year

Original poster
HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 13:38

Thank you to everyone that has appreciated where I am coming from. For those that haven’t: keep in mind that it’s not just “another day” for me, this will be my birthday, a day I celebrate every year and it should be understandable why I’m feeling a bit down and hurt by the lack of consideration for it, wouldn’t you think? Or are birthdays just throw away days for all those that have said it’s no big deal?

OP posts:
SweetPetrichor · 01/04/2020 13:41

I think that given the situation, you need to lower your expectations. It's my birthday next week and I certainly don't expect any presents. I discussed it with my partner because it was his birthday last week and we're just accepting that life's on hold right now. It's not high priority to get a birthday present!

EmeraldShamrock · 01/04/2020 13:44

He should have got organised early, at the same time we are in the middle of a pandemic. 3,4,5,6,7 year olds have got over it. Anyone with a birthday March April and probably May will have to postpone it or grow up realise it isn't a big deal in the scheme of things.
Sorry to be so blunt but people are dying alone without famy, family can't travel to be with them, your problem is tiny

Oakeyy · 01/04/2020 13:50

YABU. Ordering non-essential items is keeping factories open unnecessarily, meaning lots of people having to work rather than being furloughed despite the health risks. Employers putting profits over people. You can still have a nice day together.

Pinkdelight3 · 01/04/2020 13:59

YABU - it sounds like you were okay with it but then have worked yourself into a tizz about it, probably from having nothing better to do.

Also: "For those that haven’t: keep in mind that it’s not just “another day” for me, this will be my birthday, a day I celebrate every year"

We know what birthdays are. They're not throwaway but nor are they a massive deal to most people beyond childhood, bar a few biggies.