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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be dreading my birthday?

147 replies

HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 10:17

My partner has let me know in advance that I haven’t got anything for my birthday (in three days) from him because of the “corona situation”... The same situation that has been going on for weeks on end now and is therefore not a complete surprise that came out of nowhere. I.e: There has been plenty of time to order something (and he has even been OOTC fairly regularly so could have easily picked up something there too).

I said it is fine and to forget about it but now thinking about it more, I feel quite upset and like he doesn’t care about my birthday at all. Actually, I am in fact, fuming about it. All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open. When it was his birthday last year I went to the limit and back and made sure he got lots of stuff he wanted and he was so pleased and delighted with his gifts and now it’s my time I feel like I am not even worth the hassle to him, for him to even to run into town for half an hour or so just to buy me a present. I can’t even go anywhere in protest of his uncaring behaviour because of the fucking virus so I’m forced to stay here and just put up with it all. I am literally dreading the day now. I feel like officially cancelling my birthday for the year and resume it next year. On top of that the plans I arranged ages ago have been obviously cancelled now and nobody is allowed out of their houses to visit me on the actual day. I booked the week off work too which has just proven to be a complete waste of time. All I will have to look forward to is some texts and maybe a video call from a sibling. I can’t even take any suggestions to make the day any better because I can’t go anywhere, I’m just going to be trapped here. So my AIBU is: Should I cancel my birthday this year and just treat it like any normal day of the year or still attempt to celebrate even though it will be a crap and uneventful day?

OP posts:

Insideimsprinting · 02/04/2020 09:35

My birthday is today, due to the current circumstances I think its right that gifting can't be done. It's not essential and whilst yes he could have thought ahead but really? I'm an adult now I'm not a child anymore, there's a lot more important shite going on at the moment I'm happy to back off, the gifts and fuss are not essential and this year I've realised how shallow it birthday fuss really is and that I can have an OK birthday without it.

Lifeisgenerallyfun · 02/04/2020 09:40

Assuming you’re a grown up and not 7 yes you are being unreasonable. Actually my son who is 8 in a couple of weeks time has said never mind we can just celebrate his birthday once he can do something - it doesn’t matter, so scrap the first point.

I got to spend my birthday in bed, self isolating summoning the energy to have a trip out to the loo. Celebrations were put on hold until I could see my family.

Some people really aren’t good in times of crisis.

Insideimsprinting · 02/04/2020 09:45

I just wanted a good birthday but apparently that is not permitted in these troublesome times

It's sad that you need the gifts to have a good birthday, I mean they're nice yes but maybe you need learn to stop relying on 'stuff' to make your birthday good. You could still have a lovely day without it all.

Newkitchen123 · 02/04/2020 09:46

How old are you? Five?
People are dying?
People are being buried or cremated without loved ones present
Grow up you spoilt brat

Rubyupbeat · 02/04/2020 09:46

My goodness, you are so shallow!
Plus, a birthday is another day you are alive, celebrate that!
I do feel sad for the children who are missing out this year, but adults. ? Ffs

Rubyupbeat · 02/04/2020 09:48

@Insideimsprinting
I agree too much emphasise on material things.
I remember the jelly and icecream birthday parties we had and not much else, but they were magical days.

80sMum · 02/04/2020 09:56

It's a special day, you deserve to be spoilt on one day!

This is what I don't get! Why is it special? It's just a day. Yes, it means that you're a year older but why is that deemed to be "special"? Why do people like to be "spoilt" as if they were children? I would find it very embarrassing!

Vaginandtonic · 02/04/2020 10:03

You had booked a week off work for your birthday? Is it a big one?

Seriously, you need to get a grip. I can't understand grown adults who make such a fuss of their own birthdays, it just makes me think of a spoilt princess.

My birthday is coming up, DH wasn't getting me anything because we were going away (not for my actual birthday itself but we had agreed that the money he was spending on that trip could be my present as well). To be honest, I'm still not expecting anything now! And, not to sound like a complete wanker, but getting more 'stuff' just for the sake of it just isn't all that appealing right now.

frustratedashell · 02/04/2020 10:19

It's my 60th on Saturday. I live alone.
I'm planning on making myself a cake and putting candles on it. Having a frozen curry for dinner and possibly opening a bottle of wine. I dont have a partner to spoil me but I'm making the best of the day. My birthday meal with family has obviously been cancelled, as has my trip to the Shard for afternoon tea. We will do these things when we can.
OP I would probably feel disappointed with my partner too at his lack of effort, but these are unprecedented times. So unless its indicative of your partners general attitude towards you I'd let it go.
Hope you can enjoy your birthday anyway.
I shall be singing Happy Birthday to myself,
Even when not washing my hands lol

BlindAssassin1 · 02/04/2020 10:20

Its not the accumulation of stuff, its the meaning, or the lack thereof, that's upsetting the op.

Triplesevenlife · 02/04/2020 10:29

I’m actually embarrassed for you

Grow up you spoilt brat and hopefully when you grow up a bit you will look back on this thread with embarrassment

Mittens030869 · 02/04/2020 10:41

It's our wedding anniversary on Sunday, 17 years. We were going to go away for 2 nights next week whilst our DDs were away at a Christian children's camp. I was really looking forward to it and it's sad that it isn't possible.

Obviously we're both disappointed, especially as our anniversary is important to us, but I've also been unwell for the last 3 weeks with what is very likely COVID-19 and I've now pulled a muscle in my chest as a result of all the coughing and it's agony to cough now.

I actually think we do need to keep such disappointments in perspective, when thousands are dying of COVID-19; it's what I said to my DD1 when she was upset about her birthday treat not happening. But at the same time, my DH and I did our best to make her day special with the help of family and friends. This showed her that its possible to have a special day without expensive birthday treats.

Reallynowdear · 02/04/2020 15:29

OP, why don't you wait until the actual day and see if anything happens?

It is unusual for you to be this upset when it isn't your birthday yet?

SharonasCorona · 02/04/2020 16:35

When it was his birthday last year I went to the limit and back and made sure he got lots of stuff he wanted and he was so pleased and delighted with his gifts and now it’s my time I feel like I am not even worth the hassle to him

He’s a twat, Amazon, Debenhams and others are all still delivering.

OP, if you’re otherwise happy in the relationship, tell him that birthdays are important to you and he needs to reciprocate the effort.

However, if he doesn’t make a fuss if you, even if it’s when CV ends, then for God’s sake STOP making an effort for his pissing birthday!

What did he do for your last birthday?

(I speak as someone who hates any fuss of my birthday but he can’t have his cake and eat it too! Twat!)

Original poster

HalloumiFaith · 02/04/2020 18:08

However, if he doesn’t make a fuss if you, even if it’s when CV ends, then for God’s sake STOP making an effort for his pissing birthday!

What did he do for your last birthday?

He does, that’s why it was a shock to me. He makes as much effort for mine as I do his normally. That’s why all the “spoiled brat” “it’s only a birthday, grow up” and “are you actually 3 years old?” etc comments I’m not bothered by. If they don’t like to celebrate their own birthdays or others then fine but I do, we both do.

He took me away on a surprise break the weekend closest to my birthday last year. Obviously similar can’t happen right now and I don’t expect it to but to go from that to... nothing? Nothing at all? And I am just meant to say it’s okay?

OP posts:

TheMustressMhor · 02/04/2020 18:13

You booked a week off work because of your birthday?

peachypetite · 02/04/2020 19:46

I get it OP. It’s the lack of thought. I don’t think you are spoilt. It’s the fact that if it were the other way round you would have thought of ways to try and make the day as fun as possible given the circumstances. It’s my bday soon and my husband can’t cook and is really last minute and I kind of feel the same as you.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 02/04/2020 19:49

I had my 30th at the weekend and didn't get any presents. I didn't cry about it. I was disappointed my surprise party couldn't go ahead but that's because it would have been nice to get together with friends. Presents don't matter.

mynamesmrdiggety · 02/04/2020 19:50

I didn't get anything for Mother's Day. However I have managed to order my mum flowers for her birthday this week. Ok the card I said I hope they don't give her coronavirus...

Original poster

HalloumiFaith · 02/04/2020 19:51

You booked a week off work because of your birthday? I booked a week off because I accumulate annual leave yearly and booked a week off using my days off on a week that my birthday falls on. Why are you trying to ask the question like it’s something incredulous? Yes I booked a week off work. I am entitled to do that as is everyone else. Yes the week I booked off work was the week of my birthday, because I thought it was going to be celebrating it. I am also entitled to do that. I don’t really understand your question. Booking a week off work makes more sense if your birthday falls in it and you expect to have celebrations rather than booking any other week in the year randomly..

OP posts:

user1494182820 · 03/04/2020 01:17

Meh. It's a birthday. It was mine a few days ago. The kids made cards, but that was it. There are far bigger things going on in the world than you and your birthday.

Rubybluesy · 03/04/2020 01:19

Has he not heard of online shopping??

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