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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be dreading my birthday?

147 replies

HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 10:17

My partner has let me know in advance that I haven’t got anything for my birthday (in three days) from him because of the “corona situation”... The same situation that has been going on for weeks on end now and is therefore not a complete surprise that came out of nowhere. I.e: There has been plenty of time to order something (and he has even been OOTC fairly regularly so could have easily picked up something there too).

I said it is fine and to forget about it but now thinking about it more, I feel quite upset and like he doesn’t care about my birthday at all. Actually, I am in fact, fuming about it. All I will get is a card and probably a voucher but it’s not the same as having presents to open. When it was his birthday last year I went to the limit and back and made sure he got lots of stuff he wanted and he was so pleased and delighted with his gifts and now it’s my time I feel like I am not even worth the hassle to him, for him to even to run into town for half an hour or so just to buy me a present. I can’t even go anywhere in protest of his uncaring behaviour because of the fucking virus so I’m forced to stay here and just put up with it all. I am literally dreading the day now. I feel like officially cancelling my birthday for the year and resume it next year. On top of that the plans I arranged ages ago have been obviously cancelled now and nobody is allowed out of their houses to visit me on the actual day. I booked the week off work too which has just proven to be a complete waste of time. All I will have to look forward to is some texts and maybe a video call from a sibling. I can’t even take any suggestions to make the day any better because I can’t go anywhere, I’m just going to be trapped here. So my AIBU is: Should I cancel my birthday this year and just treat it like any normal day of the year or still attempt to celebrate even though it will be a crap and uneventful day?

OP posts:
Shahira78 · 01/04/2020 14:01

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks I know right! The amount of people who are so precious about their birthdays is shocking.

zigaziga · 01/04/2020 14:05

If lockdown is still going on by my birthday I’ll hope for a picnic in the garden and some champagne. If it’s not still on honestly I still wouldn’t want much more though.

Did you take a whole week off work just because it’s your birthday?

Can’t you just ask him to make a bit of a fuss that day - breakfast in bed, he cooks dinner and you watch in front of film of your choice? Wouldn’t that be enough?

Pipandmum · 01/04/2020 14:10

Amazon still delivers, as do most department stores, so no excuses.
However it was my birthday on Monday and I didn't want anything. My daughter drew me a beautiful card. My son promised breakfast in bed but didn't get up till noon! There's nothing I need.

Tumbleweed101 · 01/04/2020 14:15

Had my birthday last week. Got some cards and a Skype birthday party. My boss made me a bday cake as I wasn’t able to see my mum who’d usually make it. A different birthday but one to remember for it’s strangeness rather than gifts.

Camopetals · 01/04/2020 14:21

OK from your update this really must be an April Fools, nobody can really be this insensitive in the middle of a global pandemic. Good one OP.

RishiSunakFanClub · 01/04/2020 14:21

I wouldn't care but maybe the difference is that I'm an adult. Hmm

EmeraldShamrock · 01/04/2020 14:22

Also: "For those that haven’t: keep in mind that it’s not just “another day” for me, this will be my birthday, a day I celebrate every year" 😂🤣 OP is this an April fool's joke.

Trying2310 · 01/04/2020 14:29

Are you ten? Grow up. People are dying, jobs have been lost. It is my birthday next week and I'm not expecting anything during this crisis. Yes, maybe he is being thoughtless as he could have ordered you something online but honestly you sound like a petulant child wanting to storm out to make a point. Maybe he will celebrate your day by giving you a lie in, making you a nice dinner etc and you can relax together.

CRbear · 01/04/2020 14:29

It was my 30th during this lockdown and I had one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had- alone in my house. Lots of virtual interaction, cards, some delivered flowers and gifts. A day doing activities of my choice, making myself a lovely a cake and a takeaway for tea.

He could definitely make some fuss for you! My friends and family managed and we don’t live together. He could make a cake. Make a nice meal. He could have ordered gifts of amazon. It doesn’t matter if it wouldn’t bother other players, it does bother you and your partner should know you well enough to know you would care. He’s saying you don’t matter by his actions. If he really thought he couldn’t do enough on the day he would suggest a postponement himself. Lazy and selfish.

shinook123 · 01/04/2020 14:43

Fucking hell! People are dying alone away from their loved ones.Nurses have left their children to temporarily stay in shared housing with other Nurses.Families all over the world are incredibly worried and also missing loved ones.And there's you worrying about your birthday card and present.You sound so self centred and pathetic it's almost unbelievable.My husband and I have big birthdays this month and were supposed to be abroad celebrating.We couldn't give a shit tbh,and we certainly wont be making unnecessary shopping trips to buy cards and presents.Grow the fuck up and worry about important things in life!

FizzyPink · 01/04/2020 14:52

I feel for you OP. I too am a big believer in birthdays and go all out to spoil other people.
It was my birthday yesterday and to be fair to him DP had previously planned a dinner out and a spa weekend which obviously had to be cancelled and he got a refund. This was a few weeks ago so I’d assumed he’d have ordered something online and was going to make a big effort but no.

I know it’s a weird time and there’s a lot bigger things going on in the world but I can’t help feeling like if it was the other way around I’d have ordered him presents, decorated the flat and made a cake. He’s not even working (although money isn’t an issue) so had plenty of time to arrange things. He bought me a card and offered to buy me something I could choose but it’s just not the same.

Saying that my lovely friends and family more than made up for it with their effort.

Feedingthebirds1 · 01/04/2020 15:28

Yes there's a pandemic on. Yes, people are dying. Yes, jobs have been lost. It's a horrendous time. But I don't think that the OP is saying her birthday is more important than any of those. Neither is she expecting the whole world to stop while everyone sends her a card and present.

All she's asking is that her DP makes a bit of an effort to show her that he values her, rather than grabbing at the virus as a convenient cop out. And yes, sometimes it does take a while to sink in that it's not OK.

OP tit for tat isn't always the right answer, because it might upset you more than him to do it, but for his next birthday don't make such an effort. He might have ben delighted with the presents last time, but didn't recognise the effort you put in to make it happen.

CV isn't a get out of jail free card.

mumtobabygilrl · 01/04/2020 15:34

People are dying - I'm the grand scheme of things a present for your birthday is so far down the list of worries. Some families are dealing with so much more

Give your head a wobble

campista · 01/04/2020 16:07

I am truly stunned and offended that you are
upset about a birthday like this

Hmmmm88 · 01/04/2020 16:52

It's my birthday Saturday too and i also know i am not getting anything but honestly i am not bothered at all there are plenty of other things that are more important to worry about. Just focus on staying well and plan a celebration once this is over. Try and have a nice day

Original poster
HalloumiFaith · 01/04/2020 16:53

But the thing is he does cook me meals and lets me lie in and lets me watch stuff I want to watch on TV already, so none of those suggestions would be out of the ordinary or anything special, it would just be another everyday day and I want a special something for my birthday. I am hoping it’s a double bluff and he said it only to play me up, but I’m trying hard not to pin hopes on that as if it isn’t actually a bluff it would be potentially awful and a massive let down.

And yes Hmm I know there’s a crisis going on and people are affected globally. It doesn’t mean that my birthday isn’t happening though. I’m not saying it’s as important but it equally doesn’t mean it’s cancelled and that I shouldn’t have a fuss made of me on the day.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 01/04/2020 16:59

I cant empathise if people feel let down in this way I think that speaks more about you than whether the op ibu tbh. "I don't like it so anyone who does is bu! "

OP I'm rescheduling mothers day cos he forgot and we couldn't go out for lunch. I'd def reschedule your birthday if it bothers you thst much. But also TELL HIM. Is there something you want or just for him to choose something? He can make the day special in other ways than gifts.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/04/2020 17:04

I am truly stunned and offended that you are upset about a birthday like this
You're offended that in this hailstorm of shit, someone wants something I bit nice and special to lift their spirits? Surely there's more important things to be offended by. The idiots stockpiling essentials to sell at a profit. The people arrested for coughing over people and veg or just sauntering around holiday hot spots miles from homes cos they want to? Questionably the Govt who were slow to respond to lots of facets of this crisis.if you have enigh capacity to be pissed off about all that AND be offended op would like something nice doing for her, surely she can appreciate how shit life is for lots of people right now AND still want her husband to have spent 5 minutes in Amazon

FlamingoAndJohn · 01/04/2020 17:08

It’s my birthday in a week and DHs a couple of weeks after that. We’ve decided to sack them off and do something afterwards.

twinnywinny14 · 01/04/2020 17:11

How old are you? I think you are being OTT about an adult birthday tbh. My birthday was last week and I didn’t get anything from my DH, his is next week and he won’t be getting anything ether. Tbh currently our health and that of our family and friends is the only present we could ever want

FlamingoAndJohn · 01/04/2020 17:12

I want a special something for my birthday.

And if you don’t get it you’ll skweem and skweem and skweem until you’re sick?

Today over 500 people died from the virus. Get a sense of perspective.

CilantroChili · 01/04/2020 17:30

I have a significant birthday coming up. This day next week, I think
I’m quite relieved that I can avoid any fuss and palaver tbh.
Also I’m doing an alcohol free stint (which is saving my actual sanity during the madness) and now I don’t feel there will be any pressure to break my run...
Sorry you’re hurt by it OP, I think you should communicate with your partner and see what comes out of that Cake

Lippy1234 · 01/04/2020 17:38

I’ve always planned nice things for my own birthday, I know it’s harder to do that at the moment but you can still treat yourself to nice things. A luxury bubble bath with candles and sparkling wine if you have any, watch a good film, order a takeaway. About a sixth of the population are going to have birthdays during this difficult time if this goes on for 2 months.

Burplecutter · 01/04/2020 17:43

My 6 year old handled her cancelled birthday better than you are.

FilthyforFirth · 01/04/2020 17:50

Dear god you sound about 12. Stamping your foot screaming 'but it's MY special day' over and over again.

Mothers day and our wedding anniversary has been spent in quarantine as well as the cancellation of a very expensive, years in the making holiday. I have handled it much better than you.

You really need some perspective...