If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

YANBU and the 36% who think you are should frigging well do it instead, starting with the first snarky reply.

Maybe volunteering isn't for you, OP

YANBU and the 36% who think you are should frigging well do it instead

So, why do you think the elderly and vulnerable don't deserve treats? Why should they be stuck getting food that other people think they should have? Would you like to be told you can't have your favourite brand of something if it was available?

AllTheseThingsThatIHaveNotDone I already am, for an elderly neighbour. Yesterday she asked for a specific type of honey and I made sure I got it for her. It was no skin off my nose – with the strict distancing going on in supermarkets, I was hardly putting myself at increased risk of infection by checking a few more shelves than just the standard one.

OP I do not think YABU in the slightest.

Until I began shielding last week, I was working in Sainsbury's. I had volunteers in almost in tears on a regular basis. Sometimes 2 and 3 times a day. Busting a gut to help people, and apparently quite often having it flung in their faces. People being ungrateful, angry that the exact items were not bought etc. Most of the volunteers were late 60s themselves and taking a bit of a risk anyway (at the end of the day, any of us could have as yet undiagnosed underlying health conditions) some were volunteering on behalf of churches, conservative club, Rotary club etc. All of them said they would see through their initial week or two that they had committed to, then that was it.

I'm also glad I'm now shielding as I had to put up with some awful opinions and behaviours whilst working behind a checkout. It was totally and utterly draining. And I've done some pretty stressful jobs in my life.

I shop for three vulnerable people. I have asked for a bit of leeway when it comes to specific brands as many supermarkets have narrowed their ranges to maximise the efficiency of getting more essential items delivered into the stores. This works well most of the time although when the shops don't have anything remotely similar in - eg a tin of beans is hard to substitute if there aren't any in the shop - it becomes harder to ensure that the people I shop for have a balanced basket of food capable of being made into a week's worth of meals. It's about using common sense with all parties concerned. And if they aren't happy with my eventual choices after standing in a shopping queue for an hour or two... then I've done my best.

I kind of understand where you're coming from OP

If I was shopping for someone then I would prefer that they gave a generic list with preferred brands/comments added so that you can try and get what they want but you also know up front what they are flexible about being substituted and what their preferences are.

Eg

Bread - preferably blue warburtons but any white sliced
Milk - alpro soya, don't substitute due to allergy
Biscuits - mcvities choc digestive preferred, otherwise any other brand
Crisps - any brand/flavour except Skips/prawn cocktail
Strawberry Yoghurt - Muller corner - if not available choose any other flavour of same brand.
Orange Squash - robinsons or Kia ora

I wouldn't get stressed out if I couldn't easily get specific items for folk.
I wouldn't volunteer if volunteering was going to stress me out.

got my approval to be a goodSAM today, woohoo!
I will not let it stress me out.
I will cheerfully admire their taste in gin.

YANBU and the 36% who think you are should frigging well do it instead, starting with the first snarky reply.

@AllTheseThingsThatIHaveNotDone I have already posted that I AM doing it myself, and that I PREFER to know exactly whet they want, rather than have to dither and make my mind up what their budget/tastes might be. Are they tesco value white sliced people? Or wholemeal from the instore bakery? How the hell do I know? So yes, tell me what you normally buy, I'll get it if it's there, but I'll have
something to go on if it isn't, to get an alternative. Much quicker than dithering and over-thinking.

Am I reading this wrong?
The OP isn't complaining about the list, it's the specific brands that can be hard to get!

I'm the same OP. My aunt wants specific brands but is now getting used to whatever I can get her.

So instead of Heinz beans it might be cross and Blackwell or stores own brand for example!

You’re in the wrong job op!
Volunteer or not, if picking up organic apples or a specific brand of tonic is too much, stick to knitting socks for soldiers on the front line honey.

FFS - rose and raspberry lemonade?
Essential - really

OP is being totally reasonable
If someone approached me with a list like that I'd tell them what to do with it.

Why dont you call the person from the supermarket and have a chat when you go round?

So, why do you think the elderly and vulnerable don't deserve treats? Why should they be stuck getting food that other people think they should have? Would you like to be told you can't have your favourite brand of something if it was available?

Because branding is bollocks - there are very few things that taste dramatically different. Because everyone who has to should be doing a quick in-out supermarket sweep style. Because food is fuel - food is food - you are not depriving somebody of a treat ffs - cake is cake, biscuits are biscuits, brown bread is brown bread, gin is gin.
Once you start looking for specific branding - usually the same blooming product with a higher mark up, you are putting those who are doing you a favour at more risk of exposure by an extra 15 minutes. It's not rocket science.

Why are you volunteering if it's such an inconvenience for you?

I would tell them that I am going to X supermarket only and ask them if they will accept substitutes or whether they would prefer nothing if the item is not available.

You should not have to put your health at risk driving all over town for fancy items. Also a lot of lines have stopped production at the moment anyway as suppliers concentrate on their best sellers.

If the person is not happy with the help they are getting from you they can always fire you from the free service they are providing.

I see what the OP is getting at. Naming specific brands of things like yogurt, milk or bread just isn’t practical at the moment. I just did a shop for the elderly lady over the road. She asked for soya milk and then named her usual brand but said or any unsweetened soya milk you can get, the same with plain yogurt, she did name a specific brand of soap and I sent her a text from the shop saying the only brand they had and she confirmed that she couldn’t use that one so I skipped the soap. All the other items weren’t necessarily her usual brand but at least she now has milk, yogurt, tuna, bread, fruit, veg and cheese. Still no eggs though.... no eggs to be got ANYWHERE around here. Facebook is full of posts asking where we can get eggs!

A lot of shops are not 'well-stocked' now, certainly not in rural areas. It's literally take what's there, if the treats are all gone then you have to do without. Who knows, the OP might be in a place that's not very well stocked.

They may be being picky or they may have genuine reasons for specifying brands. If you were doing my shopping I would specify several brands due to allergies. If those brands weren't available I would need you to stand any scrutinise every ingredient. There would be no point bringing me generic brands which would then make me so ill I need an ambulance and hospital bed.

This is why despite being on 2 weeks self-isolation I can't ask others to bring me food, I'm living off my store cupboard and freezer instead.

Imagine not being able to do your normal shop and decide to add your favourite chocolate or something because as stranger is doing it for you and decides it's not worthy.

But the OP wasn't saying she resented buying treats, she was saying that some items were ridiculously specific and she did not know whether she could get them all in one store, meaning she would potentially have to go to several different places to get it all. It is all very well wanting rose & raspberry lemonade, but if it is hard for the volunteer to find and she has to risk extra exposure to get it then it is unreasonable.

But if someone put ‘apples’ and you get the supermarket and there are 5 different types, coconut milk but there are 3 brands, then which ones do you choose? I’d much rather have specific details then dither over which ones to pick OR pick the ones I like when actually the shopping so not for me.
My household is on the vulnerable list, I’d hate to think I was being a burden to a volunteer by being too specific in my shopping list

I can't volunteer as I am vulnerable myself but if someone was offering their own time and effort at risk to their own health to go to the shops for me and deliver it, I wouldn't be expecting them to fuck around looking for rose lemonade.

These people aren't paid Carers/assistants or personal shoppers in John Lewis being paid for their service. They are people volunteering - trying to help others by making sure their needs are met, in an unprecedented emergency situation. When some shops have empty shelves still and some have long queues and knobheads coughing on trolleys.

If I want to moan that I only have the basics like bread/cheese/fruit/mince etc instead of my preferred soft drink, I would go and moan at the supermarkets and government who have fucked people over by not preparing adequately. I wouldn't expect someone already giving their time to give up more time and effort to cater to wants not needs in these initial weeks where it's all FUBAR.

Actually I wouldn't fucking moan anyway as I realise this is a shit couple of weeks/months for everyone and I can actually live without my orange and almond green and blacks chocolate.

Members of the public are giving their time and effort to help meet the needs of others in a global pandemic which is killing people. I doubt you would moan to your nurse/HCA that you didn't get your rose lemonade with your hospital meal, or even expect it.

I usually hate the wanky terms adjust your expectations/check your privilege but people need to realise the times we are living in.

I shopped for four households yesterday - it is far more difficult to find items when people are being extremely specific! My lovely neighbours gave me a very easy list ie red jam/muesli type cereal, and didn't care about the brands, they were just glad to have some shopping. I have told everyone that I will do my best to get what they want but that they need to be flexible as supplies can't be guaranteed. I will do my best but I'm not going to go all over the place trying to source luxury non-essential supplies

Because branding is bollocks - there are very few things that taste dramatically different.

But it's not your choice to make. If they want a certain brand, they should be able have it - so long as it's available.

Because everyone who has to should be doing a quick in-out supermarket sweep style.

Should they? Since when? Yes, you should spend as little time as possible in the shops - not that you should charge in and out.

Because food is fuel - food is food - you are not depriving somebody of a treat ffs - cake is cake, biscuits are biscuits, brown bread is brown bread, gin is gin.

Goodness me, what a boring way to look at food. But, again, you don't get to decide what other people want in their shopping. If they want Bourbon biscuits and nice brands of coffee, they should be able to get it. If you can't cope with doing someone else's shopping then don't volunteer in the first place.

But the OP wasn't saying she resented buying treats

She says in her OP that people should only ask for essential items - it's right on the very first line!