If you are receiving shopping via volunteers please can I request

[MatildaTheCat]

That you stick to essential items and keep them as non specific as possible. DH and I shopped for two vulnerable people this morning under an official scheme. Their requests included 1 litre gin (ok maybe essential), branded tonic, branded cleaning items, organic gala apples, rose and raspberry lemonade, non sweetened organic coconut milk and on and on.

I lost a lot of sleep last night worrying about the additional exposure to the public while searching for half this stuff. In fact we did get pretty much everything but had we been asked for ie large brown loaf, cheddar, packet of bacon, mince, frozen peas it would have been a lot less stressful. This is going to last some months for the most vulnerable, if you or your family are in that category please help by keeping it simple.

Thank you.

I don’t think volunteering in this role is for you if it’s giving you sleepless nights.

non sweetened organic coconut milk

That made me laugh.

I think as long as they are giving you preferences not demands it's a bit different

I think I'd say "I have to warn you I am going to X shop and that is the only place I am going. If you can suggest an alternative I will get that, if you can't I won't get anything".

Agree with you OP, seems a bit demanding to be quite so specific. I'd be thrilled if anyone was offering to shop for me and would try to make it as easy and quick as possible for them. My MIL was dismayed on receiving her last Tesco order as she had refused to tick the substitutions box on anything, being rather fussy as to brands etc. So she got only a couple of things rather than a week's worth of food. It's a difficult time and people need to be a bit more flexible.

Bit on the fence here - as someone who reacts to artificial sweeteners my tonic has to be brand specific. I'd go without rather than buy Schweppes.

Should be a good reason though to be that specific

I'd actually PREFER that they were more specific. I hate those "oh any one will do" people. If any one will do then just bloody choose one !

YANBU - my DM falls in the vulnerable category and is very very picky/particular with her food. I keep trying to tell her that if we become ill and someone else has to kindly do her shopping then she needs to just accept the help with a little grace.
She's a belligerent 75 year old so she's more likely to tell them to their face that they bought stuff she wouldn't eat (not couldn't).

Surely it would be equally as stressful to have "milk chocolate" or whatever written down. Then you have the stress of trying to choose which one.

I think it’s okay for someone to specify a brand or type of something but with the caveat that it’s substitutes if it’s not available and that it has to be got in one supermarket.
So sure say ‘green and blacks ‘ rather than chocolate because there’s a big difference between posh chic and a twirl.

The reason they asked you for branded goods is they probably didn't know what supermarket you were going to. I had someone buy some stuff for me last week I didn't know what supermarket he was going to.

Luckily as I was asking for generic items they didn't need to be branded.

But how do you know that would be easier for everyone? I know where the gin and the coconut milk are. I wouldn't have a clue about mince, or how it should look if it's good

I’m a volunteer and I prefer to be told the brand etc rather than stand there wk seeing which one they might prefer

It takes a lot longer to search for very specific unfamiliar items in the supermarket than more generic ones, so requiring very specific items increases the volunteer's time in the supermarket and therefore exposure.

Yanbu.

I'd say asking for him/ lemonade is fine but don't add very specific brand information as a must (though "X brand/ apple variety/ organic if you see it" is fine to add in brackets for a few items because you might be standing by the gin shelf / apples staring right at their preferred brand/ variety without knowing it's ideal and pick something else).

I shop for other people and whilst you know where the things you cook are in your usual supermarket, it often takes ages to locate very specific unusual items you never buy and things aren't always where you'd guess, so shopping for other people when their list is very specific can take far longer than shopping for yourself.

I am shopping for 2 elderly couples and I find it easier if they are specific as I don't have to decide which brand/how much/how strong etc. whatever it is they are asking for. If I can't find it I get the nearest alternative e.g. one couple wanted Nairns oatcakes but I got then Waitrose own brand instead or strength 7 cheddar instead of strength 6.

him should have been gin!

It isn’t about wanting “a few treats”, that’s fine. I’m also volunteering as a home delivery person, and I appreciate his frustrating it must be not to be able to get out and do your own shopping but surely even those shielding at home are aware of the situation right now - that most shops have very limited stock at the moment and that most shops are allowing only two of each item which makes it more difficult to shop for multiple households. The likelihood of a supermarket having a particular brand of an item in stock is hit or miss, so when I receive a shopping list which states “no substitutions” under a list of really quite specialist items and brands, it ultimately means that that family isn’t going to get very much delivered to them, compared to the family who’s list says they’ll be happy with any kind of bread, milk, ham, cereal and “whatever fresh fruit you can get.”

Sorry it is stressing you out but Sometimes seniors have appetite problems and a particular make or brand is a reliable success. I used to do my late Mum's shopping and it was often a bit eclectic but I knew from experience that she would just not eat if I didn't get what worked for her. And she was, in life, generally an unfussy person. I was desperate to keep her vitamin and calorie intake up.
So don't offer to help rather than waste their money.

If it causes anxiety and lost sleep I'm not sure you should be doing this, there are other ways to help.

It does sound very specific but surely if you find the tonic checking for a specific variety wont cause you extra exposure, if it's not there you get something else.

My online shop that someone has to pick contains various treats and I hope the picker doesn't judge me for it.......

what if you have serious allergies?

Bread and cheese are strictly out for me and others.

I have done shopping for someone self isolating, I know them but never been in their house, even so I asked her to put alternatives , but with a generic list it’s hard lettuce- can mean anything I bought an iceberg seemed best option.

So those reliant on others at the moment should just be grateful for what they're given?

I'm collecting food for people who are self-isolating and/or shielding and - having had to self-isolate myself - I can tell you it's a pretty shit situation they're in. I was fortunate enough that mine was 7 days, while they're facing 12 weeks. So if they want nice things while they're in there, I'm quite happy to get them and not begrudge the extra few minutes in a shop to find them.

I think it's only fair people give specific brands - some people are allergic or intolerant to some versions of things.

And I do think it's unfair that people can only get necessities if they're isolating. Is it not okay for them to ask for some crisps/biscuits/treat foods too?

I'm not even that picky when I send my DH!

YANBU

You need to stop volunteering if it makes you so anxious let alone the weird side-effect of judgeyness.

Let someone else who is genuinely happy to help do it instead.