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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
StuckBetweenDarknessAndLight · 30/03/2020 00:35

Good luck OP, hope to see an update tomorrow from your lovely sisters.

Guiltypleasures001 · 30/03/2020 00:40

Stay safe Thanks

Thinkingabout1t · 30/03/2020 00:45

Just take your passport and any essential papers, and go while he is out. Call your sister when you are a safe distance away, miles away. Good luck.

LeahDownTheLane · 30/03/2020 00:45

Good luck, you’re incredibly brave. Please update us when you’re safe.

Arseit · 30/03/2020 00:48

Good luck Op

EmeraldShamrock · 30/03/2020 00:49

Stay safe. Flowers

NoMoreDickheads · 30/03/2020 01:04

YANBU. Best wishes and please keep us updated. xxx

Holothane · 30/03/2020 01:06

Go and good luck.

Bucketgarni · 30/03/2020 01:06

This reply has been deleted

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UnRavellingFast · 30/03/2020 01:08

Best of luck OP. Drive safely. Make sure your phone doesn’t have location switched on.

tangledyarn · 30/03/2020 01:12

Good luck. It is absolutely the right thing to do, you are just one car journey away from being safe. Just take the essential paperwork, medication etc. Delete your browsing history. Remember if things escalate before you have chance to go ring 999, dont hesitate, trust your gut if something feels wrong and you can be escorted out,it is a dangerous time but you sound very pragmatic and determined. Flowers

PenisBeakerDipper · 30/03/2020 01:13

Sounds like essential travel to me. Go.

blubberyboo · 30/03/2020 01:13

Good luck. Please let us know you are safe

AcrossthePond55 · 30/03/2020 01:15

God speed. A swift and safe journey to you.

You're doing the right thing, you brave brave girl!

isitcrazyzzz · 30/03/2020 01:18

Please leave with no hesitation! Stay calm and leave, even if you couldn't pack for some good reason. Your sister and family would be able to help you. Get in the car, and go!

KenAdams · 30/03/2020 01:19

Good luck OP

Italiangreyhound · 30/03/2020 01:25

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Thanks
minimummum · 30/03/2020 01:32

Good luck

Ifeelinclined · 30/03/2020 01:34

This is essential travel, OP. Please take care of yourself and go. And please do let us know when you are at your sister's house and safe.

Thedogscollar · 30/03/2020 01:36

Wow this has to be the bravest thing I have read on MN all the wonderful posts of support and advice have made me cry.

OP you are an amazingly brave woman you deserve a better life. I wish you nothing but the best. We will all be thinking of you later. Drive safely and please, please let us know you are safe with your sister. Flowers

caringcarer · 30/03/2020 01:44

You need to take any medication you need, passport, marriage certificate (you will need this if you latet want to get a divorce), cards and any cash you have, AA membership card or dimilar, car insurance. Don't forget to fill up with petrol before you go. Get out and stay safe with your sister.

Mumsie43 · 30/03/2020 02:23

Best of luck!
I am glad you have your sister.
Pack your bag and leave
If you are asked by police,, tell it as it is.
Safe travels.

OrangeSlices998 · 30/03/2020 02:38

Sending you lots of love OP. Thinking of you xxxx

Durgasarrow · 30/03/2020 02:40

Oh god yes, go!

AfterSchoolWorry · 30/03/2020 02:53

🍀

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