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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
youwouldthink · 30/03/2020 02:53

Very best of luck today!
If he might guess where you are heading perhaps try suss out the area around your sisters house before getting out of your car in case he arrives home just after you leave and heads that way too.
Perhaps call your sister from the car outside and have her stand at the door to watch you in

MrsSiba · 30/03/2020 02:56

Good luck and run, run to a life you deserve. Great advice from pp.
If you have chance take some treasured photos. You won't be going back for anything.

Stoptheworld99 · 30/03/2020 02:58

Good luck OP! Xx

SoapIsYourFriend · 30/03/2020 03:28

Good luck OP Flowers

caffeinefix · 30/03/2020 03:30

Good luck, OP. You can do this ThanksWineCake

LorenzoStDubois · 30/03/2020 03:33

Go in your car.
Take all essential paperwork, money and personal items.
Good luck, you are right to leave that loser.

AzraiL · 30/03/2020 03:34

Please go!

Shoxfordian · 30/03/2020 04:23

Good luck op
Thinking of you, be safe

Igmum · 30/03/2020 04:30

Go. Good luck 🍀 💐

MrFMercury · 30/03/2020 04:37

Stay safe and good luck x

REignbow · 30/03/2020 04:47

Stay safe. You have got this.

Your paperwork etc and meds are the only thing to take. Try and locate these before you go, so you can just pick them up.

Call 101 when you have left and tell them why

LucyAutumn · 30/03/2020 04:56

Good luck OP, don't look back, you can do this Flowers

Tp93 · 30/03/2020 05:36

You're so brave! Good luck

Imstillskanking · 30/03/2020 05:49

I am not sure whether The police would specifically allow you to go to your relatives, or if they would instead make you go to a refuge or whatever, but what I do know for sure is that they absolutely will NOT send you back to your abusive husband.

Good luck OP xx

snowstorm2012 · 30/03/2020 06:05

Thinking of you, good luck x

MinesaPinotPlease · 30/03/2020 06:23

No police officer will ever order you return home to an abuser. Go and leave him and well done. There is life after an abusives marriage and you are going to be ok but leaving will be the hardest step.

CheesecakeAddict · 30/03/2020 06:31

The government has been very clear that leaving abuse (not just to go into a refuge) is essential. They know for many women abuse will be on the increase and we need to keep you safe. Go build your new life and be awesome 💐💪

MadinMarch · 30/03/2020 06:45

If you read this before you set off on your journey, try to take all your car documents and proof of ownership with you. If your sister lives in London, she's likely to have permit only parking and you'll need documents to get a permit.
Also take the spare car key if you can so he can't come and steal the car.
Good luck OP, we're all rooting for you.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 30/03/2020 06:51

Bless you - I hope you take courage from this thread when you make your voyage.

Seabreeze18 · 30/03/2020 06:55

Good luck

Bluewater1 · 30/03/2020 06:56

Yes, go Flowers
This is absolutely essential travel. Stay safe x

Rubberoftheband · 30/03/2020 06:58

Safe journey, the police would never send you back. Thanks

Squaffle · 30/03/2020 07:00

Good luck OP Flowers

BipolarSunset · 30/03/2020 07:00

Good luck OP. No one is going to stop you - stay safe x

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 30/03/2020 07:01

Please leave him and go to your sisters. This IS essential travel. Go and please when you're there let us know that you are safe.

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