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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Horehound · 30/03/2020 14:53

Well done op. Im so glad you've done this.

Do you think you could photograph your bruises and call the police?

Fredastaireatemyjamsandwich · 30/03/2020 14:54

Good luck to you! You are a lady with a lot of courage xxx

JackiFazaki · 30/03/2020 14:56

I was thinking about you earlier and hoping that you had arrived.
So pleased to read that you are safe. Your family will look after you, let them care. Flowers

KaronAVyrus · 30/03/2020 15:00

So glad you made it.

Scottishgirl85 · 30/03/2020 15:00

Well done!! I am so relieved you made it safely. Please photograph your bruises. Sending healing wishes, today is the start of a new life xx

FlockofGulls · 30/03/2020 15:01

Wonderful news, OP - so brave of you to leave. What a positive step. Good luck with your new life of freedom! Even in #lockdown I'm sure it feels like freedom.

Molliemoo10 · 30/03/2020 15:05

Well done OP. Flowers

Here's to the rest of your life! Wine

Ifeelinclined · 30/03/2020 15:05

Wonderful news!

SetMeFree40 · 30/03/2020 15:09

Fantastic news, well done op!

puds11 · 30/03/2020 15:10

I am very glad you are safe Flowers well done!

bellabasset · 30/03/2020 15:18

Glad you're safe but as AnotherEmma advises do get your bruises recorded if you can see a dr.

WaitroseIsMySpiritualHome · 30/03/2020 15:18

This is genuinely the best thing I have learned today. Well done.

VladTheDictator · 30/03/2020 15:20

You brave woman OP. What a relief you must feel to be at your sister’s home. I agree with previous posters about, if possible, photographing any injuries. Even if you don’t need or want the photos, you have the option of using them rather than injuries fading and you wishing that you had kept proof. Onwards and upwards for you OP. Brew

pinkyredrose · 30/03/2020 15:22

Fantastic news!

OP it's a good idea to photograph your wounds as evidence.

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/03/2020 15:23

Oh OP - I am so, so happy to read your update and that you are safe with your sister.

Very well done! What you have done is not easy in any circumstances and particularly at the moment when your husband wasn't out of the house very much.

Glad you got the essentials- as you say, everything else can be replaced.

Take care now and enjoy being safe with your sister.

OMFL · 30/03/2020 15:23

Dear OP, please don't be like me and leave while you still can. I should have left 13 years ago before we married, I'm an idiot, and now I'm stuck with 2 kids and an uncontrollable complete absolute worst nightmare of a male species. Nobody will stop you, if anything they the police will help you. There have already been reported cases today of couples where it's too late. We don't want to read about you to. Please leave run as fast as you can and never look back. We are all here for you in any way we can. Save yourself.

OMFL · 30/03/2020 15:25

Oh well done huny!! I didn't read all the posts. That has truly made my absolutely shit day. So happy for you! ,💐

RochelleGoyle · 30/03/2020 15:25

Well done OP, it must have taken tremendous courage!

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 30/03/2020 15:28

@OMFL The OP got out, she updated as such on p8.

OP: I'm so glad you made it to safety. I second what other people have said about taking photographs, promptly. Your body is a crime scene and you need to preserve that evidence. Please consider making a police report. You would not be wasting police time, he's attacked you, that's a criminal offence.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 30/03/2020 15:30
Flowers So happy to read you are safe, you are very brave I hope you are very proud of yourself
Grandmi · 30/03/2020 15:31

Go go go ...drive carefully!!! You will not be sent home. Make sure you have a text message to and from your family confirming the intolerable situation. 💐

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 30/03/2020 15:31

OMFL Lol it took me so long to post that you caught up anyway.

now I'm stuck with 2 kids and an uncontrollable complete absolute worst nightmare of a male species

You might not be as stuck as you think. The refuges are still open and you can still travel to your family.

Grandmi · 30/03/2020 15:33

Just seen your update...well done you .Great advice to take pics of your bruises 💐

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 30/03/2020 15:35

Good luck OP. I hope you have left and are now safe.

Confuddledtown · 30/03/2020 15:36

Well done OP. You have been very brave. I was so happy to read your update and am so glad you are safe x