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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 30/03/2020 14:05

Well done OP, fantastic update 💖

FlowerArranger · 30/03/2020 14:05

Best news I've heard today!

ACatCalledLola · 30/03/2020 14:05

Fantastic news OP. So glad you made it to your sister’s safely.

Jux · 30/03/2020 14:06

Well done, so happy to hear you're safe.

AnotherEmma · 30/03/2020 14:07

Fantastic update, well done OP.
Please do consider contacting a local GP as soon as you can. I know there's a lot of pressure on the NHS atm but ideally you would see a GP and get your injuries recorded.
Flowers

cerealmilk · 30/03/2020 14:07

Oh it’s so good to read this update. Wishing you all the luck and happiness, OP Flowers

Sparklyring · 30/03/2020 14:09

Best news!!! Well done OP!!! You did it!!!

ChippyTea16 · 30/03/2020 14:10

So happy to read this update OP and glad you are safe. You’ve been so incredibly brave, you can get through this, just take it one day at a time. Best of luck at your sister’s and wishing you lots of future happiness Flowers

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 30/03/2020 14:10

Amazing! You have done the right thing and I'm just SO glad you posted, if Mumsnet made the difference between going and staying.

Remember we aren't going anywhere (more literally now than ever before!) so if you start having doubts or worries or if he gets in touch, and you need the support of a nest of vipers, we have your back!

Quarantimespringclean · 30/03/2020 14:11
Flowers
quarantinevibes · 30/03/2020 14:11

Of corse they won’t send you back. It’s your anxiety making you think all of this. If anything they’ll probably try to help you out. You’re being so brave and I hope things work out for you Flowers

MuddlingThrough1724 · 30/03/2020 14:12

A huge well done for finding your way to safety, I'm sure the relief is immense.

AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 30/03/2020 14:13

Onwards and upwards love. Onwards and upwards. Flowers

cakeandchampagne · 30/03/2020 14:13

So glad you’re safe now!
Star Congratulations!

cheeseislife8 · 30/03/2020 14:13

Fantastic OP, so glad you're safe now!

norbert23 · 30/03/2020 14:14

Well done, you're so brave xxx

Slatkater · 30/03/2020 14:14

👏 well done for being so brave. Enjoy your peace.

Purpletigers · 30/03/2020 14:14

Oh I’m so glad you’re safe . I was thinking of you xx

EightNineTen · 30/03/2020 14:16

Well done! Here's to the rest of your life!!!

Mordred · 30/03/2020 14:17

Brilliant news OP - so glad you made it out of the hellhole Flowers

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 30/03/2020 14:17

Brave lady!! Well done OP, sunny skies are ahead for you, wishing you all the best.

Flowersforpowers · 30/03/2020 14:17

Brilliant news OP, you've been amazingly brave and I'm so glad to hear you're safely at your sister's.

Queenie8 · 30/03/2020 14:18

Congratulations OP, well done, it is incredibly hard to leave (I too did leave, 8 years ago).

Lots of love, self care, and talking to your sister, along with lots of restful, fitful sleep.

Today is the first day of your new start.

Sn0tnose · 30/03/2020 14:19

Well done 💐

Photograph the bruises. Even if you don’t do anything with the photos but keep them on your phone. It can’t hurt but may well be of use in the future.

Longwhiskers14 · 30/03/2020 14:21

Amazing update! So pleased you're safe now with your sisters. x