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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Fedupofitnow123 · 30/03/2020 12:03

Good luck! Really praying you have made the leap and left! I have recently done it and mumsnet had been a massive support, so lean on these people as much as you can.

ASundayWellSpent · 30/03/2020 12:19

Really hope you update soon to say that all is well and you are with your sister

DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 30/03/2020 12:32

We’re all rooting for you, hoping you are free ❤️

RoseGoldEagle · 30/03/2020 12:41

Hope you are still planning to go or ideally have now left. Wishing you all the luck in the world, please update us when you’re able to and let us know you’re safe x

Desertislanddreamer · 30/03/2020 12:56

Read this thread in the small hours of this morning and it took me back 11 years ago when I was in a similar situation.
Hope you managed to get away safely and we hear from you again.
You are a warrior my friend!
All the love and luck to you right now Flowers

Murphs1 · 30/03/2020 13:02

Absolutely go as soon as you safely can. We are all behind you xx

combatbarbie · 30/03/2020 13:03

I have done 2 trips from the SE to Scotland this week... Moving house before anyone jumps on me. Never been stopped or questioned at services. I would just go OP....

emilybrontescorsett · 30/03/2020 13:06

Good luck op. Please do it.

elfies · 30/03/2020 13:17

Please go ..
Wishing you all the luck in the world , please update when you can x

NoneOfMyBusiness · 30/03/2020 13:30

Fingers crossed for you.

debbs77 · 30/03/2020 13:30

Omg hope you got away okay xx

Doyouavocado · 30/03/2020 13:38

Good luck x

bellabasset · 30/03/2020 13:40

🤞You're safe with your family. Sadly dv increases at times like this, ironically about this on local TV news just now.

If it's necessary to call 999 and you don't want to speak you press 55.

IamRhubarbBikini · 30/03/2020 13:50

Fingers crossed everything all went to plan and you’re now safely at your sisters.

Heartbroken2020 · 30/03/2020 13:52

We’re all rooting for you. You are worth so much more than this and I’m so glad you realise it.
Flowers

Quiet31 · 30/03/2020 13:56

Perfect time to go - police road blocks will keep that bugger from coming anywhere near you now!

Hope you got there ok. Fantastic moment to go - while he's not allowed out of the house 👌

MWallsb · 30/03/2020 13:59

Hello everyone. Just wanted to check in to let you all know that I have safely arrived at my sisters. I didn’t have long this morning, so only managed to pack a small bag but I have my essentials and the rest can be replaced. I’d have left with nothing but the clothes I was wearing if I had to. It all feels like a bit of a dream at the moment, a mixture of anxiousness and sadness but a feeling of being ‘free’ in some way too. I looked at the bruises on my body this afternoon and for once didn’t think to myself ‘it’s all your fault’, so I feel as though there might be a glimmer of hope that one day I’ll recover from this. I want to say thank you so very much for all of the lovely kind words of support I’ve received on here, it was very much needed as prior to posting on here I’d convinced myself I couldn’t go. Can’t thank you all enough.

OP posts:
chocolateisavegetable · 30/03/2020 14:00

What a fantastic update OP. So glad that you got away x

CeibaTree · 30/03/2020 14:00

So happy to read your update! None of this is your fault and it's time to begin the rest of your life x

Changename5000 · 30/03/2020 14:01

Perfect time to go - police road blocks will keep that bugger from coming anywhere near you now!

What road blocks?

Changename5000 · 30/03/2020 14:01

Fantastic update xxx

Good for you

emilybrontescorsett · 30/03/2020 14:01

Take care op.
You have done the right thing.

FairyBatman · 30/03/2020 14:02

I have been thinking of you all morning and I am so pleased that you got away!

You are with people who genuinely love you and will keep you safe, good luck xx

Cherrysoup · 30/03/2020 14:02

I’m delighted you’re safe.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/03/2020 14:04

I'm so glad you're safe now. And you are right, 'stuff' is just stuff and can be replaced.

May I suggest that you photograph your bruises and consider making a police report? Or at the very least document the abuse on paper and keep it with the photos. Not saying you must pursue charges against him, just that documentation may prove useful at some point.