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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
RochelleGoyle · 30/03/2020 08:57

Hope you managed to leave safely OP and that you have a smooth journey to your sister's. Thinking of you. Flowers

Xenia · 30/03/2020 08:58

Good luck. It is worth anyone travelling for good reason to print out the regulations www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/contents/made and ideally keep them with your explanation for travel. Some people might also want to have with them the contact details of their solicitor who could speak to the police for you if you were detained.

We should also remember most people can travel to and from work legally and travel at work from place to place. It is only the few businesses on that linked list in the regs which have to close or the very few workers who can work from home. Most workers can lawfully go to work and travel for work purposes. I don't think the police have really taken that on board yet and yet in the last few days a minister of the Government has emphasised this. This is not just key workers. It is everyone in any job other than those on the banned list. We need their taxes to pay the salaries of nurses.

Bonniegirlie · 30/03/2020 09:05

If you don't manage to pack everything you want to take with you you can go to your local police station. Explain your situation and ask for an officer or two to return to your house with you so that you can collect the rest of your belongings. They will be attending to prevent a breach of the peace and ensure your safety. Obviously there's a limit as to how long they could be there, but you should be able to take at least all your clothes and personal belongings. Good luck

shufflestep · 30/03/2020 09:08

Good luck OP, you are doing absolutely the right thing. My sister works for a women's refuge, and they are anticipating a huge influx when the lockdown ends, much better to get out now. Hope you are safe by the time you read this.

Thedogscollar · 30/03/2020 09:25

My heart was pounding when I read your post last night. I am praying that you are either driving down that motorway right now or you have arrived at your sisters house.
Your can now start to lead the life you deserve and want.

misscockerspaniel · 30/03/2020 09:27

Thinking of you Flowers

ladyk03 · 30/03/2020 09:32

I hope you have got to your sisters safe! No woman deserves to be treated the way you have. Let us know you have got there safe and sound x

Annamie · 30/03/2020 09:34

Rooting for you OP Flowers

Very happy to see 100% YANBU!

NettleTea · 30/03/2020 09:39

good luck xx

ohfourfoxache · 30/03/2020 09:41

Hope you’re ok x

Oddgirlout · 30/03/2020 09:44

Praying for you x

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 30/03/2020 09:53

Keep Safe OP DaffodilDaffodil

Nomorepies · 30/03/2020 09:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Wattagoose90 · 30/03/2020 09:56

Good luck OP

hennythe100footbird · 30/03/2020 09:56

Good luck OP, I hope you are safe xx

wheresmymojo · 30/03/2020 09:56

Go!

Run, run, run.

This is absolutely essential travel and no police officer will tell you otherwise Thanks

incognitomum · 30/03/2020 09:57

Are you safe op?

Inthepurplerain · 30/03/2020 09:58

Good luck op x

wheresmymojo · 30/03/2020 10:00

Hope all is going to plan OP and that you are safe or soon will be. We are all rooting for you Thanks

DanglyTasselsOfThigh · 30/03/2020 10:01

Good luck MWallsb, stay safe, see you on the other side! xx

KaronAVyrus · 30/03/2020 10:02

Good luck op. Hope you’re with your sister soon. Flowers

Chocolatebiscuits92 · 30/03/2020 10:03

Good luck Flowers

ShSpecialFriends · 30/03/2020 10:03

Good luck, we're all thinking of you x

Snowpatrolling · 30/03/2020 10:10

My heart is pounding just reading this. Good luck op.

Sparklyring · 30/03/2020 10:19

Very emotional thread!! Hope your safe op, I admire your bravery x