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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
ffscatmove · 30/03/2020 07:50

I hope you're on your way OP, or will be soon. Stay safe Flowers

WhatsYourFavouriteHummingNoise · 30/03/2020 07:50

Thinking of you this morning.
Please let us know when you are safe Thanks

cornishdreams1 · 30/03/2020 07:51

Please update and let us all know you are safe.

Sassanacs · 30/03/2020 07:51

Go sista and don't ever look back. Good luck, stay safe

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 30/03/2020 07:54

Sorry to hear you are enduring such an awful situation OP 💐💐💐
Please get to somewhere safe ASAP.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 30/03/2020 07:54

Safe travels.

TheNightKing · 30/03/2020 07:56

Good luck OP. Looking forward to hearing that you are safely at your sister’s house.

unhappyclap · 30/03/2020 07:56

All the best OP, you are doing the right thing.

Retracactableclaws · 30/03/2020 07:56

Let us know how you are op.. best of luck

MadamFlutterby · 30/03/2020 07:56

Safe travels.

summerfruitssquash · 30/03/2020 07:56

Good luck OP 💗

Weenurse · 30/03/2020 07:58

Good luck 💐

Longwhiskers14 · 30/03/2020 08:06

Hope you're on your way to safety now or are already there. Flowers

Eddielzzard · 30/03/2020 08:08

Good luck Flowers

IndieTara · 30/03/2020 08:09

Rooting for you

AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 30/03/2020 08:09

Good luck today OP 🍀

Don’t fret too much if you can’t grab everything. I have started the life I should have had with nothing.

Thinking of you Flowers

QOD · 30/03/2020 08:10

Safe travels

glitterfarts · 30/03/2020 08:12

@Voodoocowgirl and @puds11 - why are you tagging the OP when she has said her DH is abusive, she is scared of him and he checks her phone at night.

So you thought it would be right to tag her so it also emails her directly? What if she was asleep by then or what if he checks her email.

THINK!!!

OP - I hope you got away safely. Don't go back - get to your sister and start divorce proceedings immediately. Good luck for the future.

lmcneil003 · 30/03/2020 08:14

Leave today.
Put your wellbeing first.

riotlady · 30/03/2020 08:14

Good luck today, OP, you can do this x

TuMeke · 30/03/2020 08:15

You can do this OP. We’re all behind you. Go, and get yourself safe xx

Kateplaysrugbyinmydreams · 30/03/2020 08:17

Good luck op

FlockofGulls · 30/03/2020 08:17

Please go, please. You are so brave.

It is possible to isolate or do quarantine once you’re at your sister’s house. I have colleagues in China who are frontline medicos, who have been socially isolating in small apartments.

Keep to your room, use kitchen and bathroom at different times, wipe down with a bleach or soap spray, you and your sister wash hands all the time, and try not to touch your face (mucous membranes).

It’ll be tough but do it for a week/10 days and then you both should be OK.

Situations like yours make me think we should just quarantine all men together and then the rest of us could just get on quietly and calmly with our lives. The price we women all pay for such toxic masculinity is high.

Go well, and good luck!!

SunshineCake · 30/03/2020 08:18

Good luck. Get safe.

BlimeyCalmDown · 30/03/2020 08:19

Sorry not RTWT

Definitely essential travel OP Flowers

Authorities are now trying to address the issue of rising DV due to isolation.

If you are stopped to ask why you are travelling you just saying 'escaping from DV' it doesn't matter whether this is to a refuge or somewhere else.

Stay strong, well done for finding the strength, go forth and claim your freedom!

I wish you all the best for the future.

Once you are settled consider doing the online Freedom Programme to help heal yourself and prevent the cycle repeating itself (which is very common).

Do not tell him you are leaving - just go. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a victim.

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