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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Stayinghome · 30/03/2020 07:01

Go before things get more strict. If you do get stopped now they wont send you back.

Whiskerychinsrock · 30/03/2020 07:02

Stay safe, OP Flowers

MargotSimpson · 30/03/2020 07:02

You are so brave. Good luck this morning. Xx

grannydingle · 30/03/2020 07:03

Good luck today Thanks

VladTheDictator · 30/03/2020 07:04

Good luck OP you can do this! Flowers

cheeseislife8 · 30/03/2020 07:09

Good luck OP! You're incredibly brave. Safe journey

Deathraystare · 30/03/2020 07:12

GO GO GO!

MasterBruceBalloon · 30/03/2020 07:15

Hope today goes well OP Flowers

leli · 30/03/2020 07:22

Get some essential phone numbers ready before you go eg domestic violence charity help line, sister to confirm the situation so if you are stopped you can immediately call someone.

But I don't think you'll be stopped and I think you'd certainly be allowed to proceed if you were.

Good luck. Update us when you can.

Noshowlomo · 30/03/2020 07:25

Good luck OP!! You’re so brave x

Ostagazuzulum · 30/03/2020 07:28

Good luck OP. Xx

stoptherideiwanttogetoff · 30/03/2020 07:30

Morning! Good luck 💕

somegoodnewsforonce · 30/03/2020 07:33

Best of luck op. I hope you're on your way Thanks

rwalker · 30/03/2020 07:33

Go whats the worst if you get stopped £30 fine and I doubt they would issue that.
You could leave and the when you are round the corner email 111 with the details to set your mind at rest you have covered yourself.

TheLongDarkBreakfastTime · 30/03/2020 07:35

OP We’re all wiling you on - you are brave and capable and you are one drive away from freedom. Good luck today!

imarocketman50 · 30/03/2020 07:35

Good luck

Soapytoad · 30/03/2020 07:35

Please go. Your sister will be your sanctuary. No one is going to question your motives.

PinkSparkleUnicorns · 30/03/2020 07:36

This is essential. Good luck OP, thinking of you Thanks

lightsoul · 30/03/2020 07:39

Stay strong and stay safe!

MotherOfAllNameChanges · 30/03/2020 07:43

Good luck OP Thanks

treenu · 30/03/2020 07:43

Good luck Thanks

Scottishgirl85 · 30/03/2020 07:45

Thinking of you this morning. Flowers xx

Paintingtheroseswhite · 30/03/2020 07:45

Good luck, hope it all goes well

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/03/2020 07:47

Go - as soon as you can.

I saw something online only yesterday that the govt are supporting women in abusive relationships at this time. I think most police forces have expressed great concern about how these women ant heir children would cope, trapped with an abuser, and exceptions are being made regarding living the home.

redcarbluecar · 30/03/2020 07:49

Shit situation for you OP, but seems ‘good’ in a way that you’ve realised things can’t go on after only a year of marriage. With any luck, you won’t be wasting much more time on this abusive man. All the best in your escape.

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