To try cry it out

[Pippinsqueak]

Please be gentle, first time chronically sleep deprived mum of a 14th month old baby that is breast fed to sleep and when she wakes. She wakes almost hourly and has done since birth. I'm starting to loose it.

Aibu to try gentle cry it out? I don't even know where to start as I've always avoided it as I was told it's not the right thing to do by health visitors/gps etc. She is also still in our room in a cot bed on the other side so was thinking to move her in there soon.

Any advice on cry it out ? Also I am seeing a breastfeeding specialist when c-19 is over to wean off boob

Thanks in advance.

I don’t think cry it out is gentle. Maybe join a LLL Facebook group to ask about night weaning.

what have you tried already?

It’s a terrible thing to do.

I tried it in desperation when youngest was about 10 months. I thought it was working - he cried less than a minute. During the first week it was going ok (I thought) and went to do my usual check a few mins after he’d settled.

He’d been sick over himself from the crying.

Never again. I still find the memory hideous 7 years later.

Sorry, oldest was 10 months

You have my every sympathy, dd is 1 in a few weeks and I’ve been where you are. We cracked a few months ago and the difference is amazing. It took about a week, leaving her 3 minutes, then 5, then 10 at a push but it’s worked. And I’m so much happier as a result. She now goes tk bed at 7.30, wakes up at about 1, has a feed and then goes back down til about 5.30. We bought her a seriously comfy mattress for her cot to replace the crappy foam one it came with, and also put a duvet and pillow in for her and now she’s warm, comfy and well fed. I should say, I’m well aware of pillow safety, she’s been walking for 3 months now and had full control of her body so I’m happy that there’a no risk. It coincided with her having more to eat in the day too. Breastfeeding on demand can be a huge bind and it started to affect my mental health. Stopping feeding her in the day was a big turning point. I’ve started again in the last fortnight in a desperate attempt to keep her safe and healthy with all this going on around us, and tbh I hate it, it’s made her much more whingy and clingy again. Having our evenings back has helped me and dh so much. Most of the year has felt pretty desperate tbh as dd has been far from easy, but getting her to sleep properly has been amazing. She’s in her own room now, I recommend that rather than your room, just because she could be harder to settle if she knows you’re there.

It think is supposed to be done when they are much younger.
I did CIO but my DD is now 22 and it was 'OK' back in the day.
But I did at 3 months as I was due to go back to work.
I probably lasted about 1 week of having DD in the room with me before she was in her how room.
I would definitely suggest moving her into her own room.
But I think you will need to do other things rather than CIO!
Usually some great suggestions on here so hold tight - they will be along soon.

I've tried rocking, bum patting, shushing, massage, humidifier, bed spray. I've tried a MyHummy, an Ollie the owl, calming music, classic fm.

She has a lovely bed time routine, getting her to sleep isn't the problem, she just can't self settle or sleep through her cycles.

Everyone is telling me to leave her to cry but she's just winds herself up like a dynamo I I'm worried she will make herself sick. My husband works nights to its something I have to crack.

She never took to a dummy, or a bottle and despite me trying, had never formed an attatchment to anything like a blanket or a bear.

As I said she's perfect during the day. Naps once or twice for 40 mins. Always interested and everything and too smart for her own good.

I'm unwell at the moment so we are all self isolating and I'm feeling like a complete failure

There’s nothing gentle about leaving your baby to cry and not comforting them. Crying is her only way to communicate with you.

Have you tried cosleeping so you can feed without having to get up?

Oh OP mn is notoriously anti cry it out- apparently a 6year old waking every hour to breastfeed is normal

Now I didn’t do cry it out- and maybe there’s some terminology confusion. I did sleep training. As another poster said, leave them for 1 min, go back in, 3 mins, go back in...I worked up to 10mins and never went longer than 10mins.

I personally think if your LO isn’t teething, ill, hungry or wet they are merely crying because you are breaking the habit.
Do you want to continue breastfeeding? Are you opposed to a bottle of whole milk after dinner/ before bed time?

I assume there isn't a medical reason why she wakes every hour?

Does she bf during the day, and if she does then have you tried distracting her instead of feeding? Similarly at night, just offer water, or better still get your partner (if you have one) to offer it.

MN is very anti sleep training OP so you will get a very one sided response.

We did controlled crying (at a much younger age) and it was a life saver. Controlled crying is where you return to reassure at short intervals, cry it out is where you leave them to cry till they sleep.

I would very much recommend trying controlled crying but unfortunately it may take longer as she is older (it worked within 1 day for us so very little crying involved)

You do what you have to do mama.
Around 18 months without 1 full night of sleep we moved LO to his own room, in his cot.
I put him in awake and sat in the room facing away from him. He knew I was there but I did not interact at all. He cried. He fell asleep sitting up. I didn't. It worked. By day 3 things were so much better. I did sleep on the floor in his room for the first few nights and when he would wake throughout the night would again sit up (but facing away from him) and stay silent. He knew I was there and would go back to sleep.

I do think that there are probably a few setbacks in your scenario though as still BF which is an extra sleep association etc.

Are you ready to wean/night wean?

Zero judgment mama, whatever you choose to do please be consistent. By day 3/4 things will be better if you have been consistent. There may be a "burst" of things going wrong again around day 4-6 but again consistency will pay off x

There is sadly nothing gentle in leaving a small person to cry themselves to sleep. What worked for my boob obsessed baby is gently reducing the number of feeds.

Try to space out feeds in the day - very gently. When my LO was rooting I would try to distract him for 15 mins one week, then half an hour etc and then we eventually built up to him only feeding every 3-4 hours and more. I was surprised how well he took to it! When we started he was feeding hourly or more. This then carried on for the night naturally - once he was used to eating less frequently in the day he also did the same at night. Obviously if he wasn't able to be distracted I would feed him straight away and try delaying the next feed. Good luck ❤️

Oh just do it! It'll be distressing for you at the time - she may be distressed while you're doing it. She'll never remember it - ever. She's 14 months old not a tiny baby. It will save your sanity.

I think night weaning might be more palatable that CIO. Does your DD eat and drink well during the day? Does she take water from a (sippy) cup? Offer that instead when she wakes. Is she already in her cot bed? Or do you co sleep? Your ok isnt clear. If not then maybe try using it for naps to start getting her used to it.

My son is the same and it's really coming to a head for us, as my way of coping is to get out and about through the day as much as possible, which obviously can't happen now 😬
For bedtime last night and nap time this morning I have lay on my bed and just let him figure it out. He has screamed but after 15 minutes or so he's gone off. It's really hard, I distract myself with a podcast and do some deep breathing.
I have built in a really good sleep-time routine for months- I sing Edelweiss to him as I put him in his sleeping bag, give him his little cuddle toy (which he immediately throws away 😅), I pick him up and close the blinds, turn on some (loud) white noise and give him a cuddle for a few minutes. Then into his cot.
It's all well and good for posters to say it's cruel etc, but sometimes you need to do what you need to do. I have tried this a few times in the past and it's not felt right for us at that point as he has been too young. And considering how much time we are spending playing and snuggling now we are stuck at home all day, he is getting lots of love during his waking hours.
Good luck OP.

At ten months (once eating 3 meals a day) I started to refuse night feeds. I picked DS up and rocked and sang to him instead - he wailed for 45min (!) but it was nowhere near the intense crying he did if left alone. The plan was to drop one feed each night this way, but after that first rough night he got the message and immediately starting either sleeping through or just waking once near 5ish. And he was a lot better off for it - much less tired in the day.

I'd do it but I wouldn't bother with 'gentle'. You have to either go for it or not.

Are you in a detached house? I might not do it if I was going to make the neighbours go through it too.

I’ve said this elsewhere, at 15mo my DS slept through 12hs straight (I accept all children are different) and I was still breastfeeding. You should not be suffering like this, and your child must be exhausted too. Bite the bullet, read up on a method you agree with, commit to it and get it done.

If you are at the point of exhaustion and suffering, of course it is the right thing to do. You will be a better mum all round if you get some rest. We are hardly talking about a six week old baby here. All these martyrs and Pearl clutches really annoy me (and I ebf/Co sleep for first six months FYI)... Everyone immediately jumps in and tells you not to do it, well, they are not in your shoes and I think your baby will be just fine.

Do it.
Some people on here are no help.

@Goostacean that's the thing my daughter is absolutely fine every single day. She naps twice for 40 min or she's starting to have just one long sleep just after lunch. She goes to bed at 8pm (any earlier and she's up early). She's never exhausted or worse for wear for it

@WhatHappenedThen I think I will just inform the neighbours as there's a bedroom backed on to her room.

Do you mean controlled crying? Cry it out is literally just leaving them to cry until they fall asleep, which is harsh even by my fairly pro sleep training standards. There's a whole spectrum of stuff before that stage.

@catsjammies yeah my daughter has a bath, or if it's not bath night we listen to some calming music. Gets ready for bed in low lighting, brushes teeth, the room is dim with a humidifier going as she gets stuffy at night, the MyHummy is going, gets into her sleeping back and booby. So unless I'm missing something she has a good routine.

It doesn't matter what we do during th day, we can have a chilled out day or a medium busy day or a full on day out and she just sleeps the same