Neighbour told my kid off.

[Shootingstar2918]

I’m not precious and nor do I think my kids are angels! But hear me out. Most of the houses around me have kids living in them. Due to the current situation a lot of them are out playing understandably.

My children were playing outside whilst I cleaned up. All of a sudden DS started screaming that he’d been told off and told me the man who lives behind us told him off. I couldn’t see what DS was doing. There’s a Tallish fence between our gardens so I cannot imagine a lot could be done.

Just to add DS has autism and wants to talk to everyone. I think he was at the back of the fence shouting hello. I’m not really sure. My garden is secure and safe enough to let them out without me being outside. I was in the kitchen with my patio doors open but missed what actually happened. Sometimes DS can be a bit loud but I don’t let him out for hours on end or anything. Far from it.

So a man told him off. If he did wrong then that’s fine but the man told him off with no explanation. When I came out he hurried in his house and slammed the door. Aibu to think he should talk to me. With distance of course!

Like I say DS has autism. My neighbours wouldn’t know this I guess but it’s ended up with DS having an hour long meltdown on the grass outside. They must be able to hear him.

I’m not the type to go matching round and of course we can’t right now anyway but aibu to think the guy should man up and come and speak to us (again distance) and give me an explanation at least! So I know what the hell just happened. DS is that upset he can’t explain to me!

They chose to live in area where I would 80 Percent of the houses have children living in them!

Every house around them has kids in. They should get used to it.

Here's a newsflash for you OP: there aren't "child" zones. Even if there's a high density of children around, it doesn't mean it's somehow an area where parents can let their kids behave however suits them. Sometimes people get a choice where they live, sometimes they don't. Either way, it's up to everyone to behave like a decent neighbour and not annoy others - and yes, if I had a kid shouting at me, for whatever reason, I'd be cross too, as it would seem likely your neighbour has. And I wouldn't feel the need to discuss it with the parents.

Yabu op and all your updates add to that. Everyone is stressed at the moment and at the moment gardens are places of safety.

Let’s be honest here, OP. Is there anything this man could have said your son was doing you would have acknowledged was annoying/needed a telling off? Much more likely no matter what your son was doing, the man would have got a lecture from you about how they were allowed/didn’t mean it/the neighbour was completely unreasonable. So why would he bother engaging in that conversation? You haven’t acknowledged a single comment on here might be the case if it opposed your firm held view, why would your neighbour engage in a back and forth with you to no end?

he is the kindest soul you could ever meet.
When my son says hello to someone he’ll get on with his day if he’s ignored he’ll keep saying it. This so something we are working on
There lies the problem; this neighbour does not know your DS or that he’s autistic.
If a child stood and repeatedly shouted hello at me I think I’d say be quiet.
You need to understand not everyone has to tolerate your son.

No, I'm not jumping to conclusions as he's a man!

HavenDilemma. Of course you’re jumping to conclusions. OP has given absolutely no evidence for this apart from calling him weird in an attempt to ramp up her case when nobody agreed with her. So yes, you are jumping to conclusions. And pretty nasty conclusions too.

I suspect your son has blown this out of proportion. My daughter is 11 and has autism and I know that she takes things very seriously and what some would see as banter, she doesn't. Emotionally she is much much younger than 11. I wonder if that's what's happened here.
For all you know this guy could have a parent dying, lost his job or anything. I suppose you'll have to stay in the garden with them and bring them in when you need to come in.

Pestered? Irritating children? The language on here completely confirms that people see children as irritants. It's so sad.

I don’t hate kids. I do not want to be annoyed in my garden though.
I also wouldn't engage as i don't want to constantly be pestered every time im in the garden.

While we're jumping to conclusions and speculating, how do you know the man does not have autism? Or

Mental health problems
Processing issues
Ill or dying relatives
He could be a keyworker and exhausted
He could have lost his business or job
He could be stressing about how to access food or services for himself or family

Or he could just dislike children, and not want to interact with children who are strangers to him. Fair enough.

Your children may be the centre of your world, but not someone else's. We all have our own issues and priorities. Yours do not trump anyone else's.

Literally nothing in your long speeches makes you less responsible for your own child

Maybe he is a grumpy shit and hates your kid, it’s more likely he was having a smoke at the end of his garden and your son wouldn’t stop shouting at him. So he told him to be quiet then stomped off into his own house.

My next door neighbour’s son is autistic. The only contact I’ve had with him was when he chucked some rubbish out of his bedroom window into our garden. I told him to pack in it. Probably he also thought I was telling him off (well, I was).

This man is entitled to quiet enjoyment of his own property. You are as well, but it’s your own fault if you won’t tell him not to hang over your fence, and has nothing at all to do with this incident.

It’s never nice when your kids are told off by a stranger but context is everything ... and you literally have no context. So leave it , don’t dwell on it and don’t let it put you off being in the garden. Explain to your son to not speak to strangers .
Like others have said you don’t know what the neighbour is going through.

I have an older disabled neighbour who lives with his parents , he screams throughout the day, maybe in excitement when his nieces and nephews are visiting or in anger when he’s pottering abut his shed. It has never ever bothered me , except one Summer’s evening , I was in the midst of miscarriage hell and I thought I was going to scream with every scream he did. Then I felt awful for feeling that way. I’m sure if he or anyone had tried to communicate with me I would have bitten their nose off , which is very unlike me. Who knows what the man was thinking.
Let it lie and try not worry. You’ve enough on your plate.

Don’t start giving the man a hard time. You say your child has circumstances that your neighbour doesn’t know about, similarly you have no idea what he’s going through right now so just let it lie.

You sound like the kind of fruitloop who, even if the man had spoken to you, wouldn't be happy until he saw your point of view.

Just aswell I'm not in America then ae 😅😅😅

But I have a problem. With someone who sees a child upset and doesn’t approach the situation and explain. We could have spoke about it with distance between us! He was such a coward!

For all you know his phone rang. You're making a lot of presumptions about what happened. Ten year olds do daft things all the time, your DS could have kicked the fence or thrown a pebble over. You do sound rather precious and I think it's a bit of a problem with our society that people no longer feel able to tell kids when they're stepping out of line. It takes a village and all that. Raising kids to believe that no one should ever point out when they're being rude leads to entitled and antisocial teenagers and young adults.

So, even after a neighbour purportedly admonished your son, you let said son stay outside whilst having a voluble meltdown. 🤦🤦🤦🤷

Sorry OP, you sound like everyone should be ultra accommodating to your DS and dont get OR CARE that others would find him annoying.

Being very blunt, some days i simply dont want to talk to ANYONE, that includes random kids, if one was constantly shouting at me, even hello, id probably tell them to be quiet and to stop annoying me. Its not my issue if that upsets him as i have no obligation to talk to anyone. Its your job as a parent to make your kid realise that not everyone wants to talk and THATS OK

Where he screamed for another hour!
I would be ropeable having to listen to that for an hour

I'd probably make sure I was out there with them next time to keep an eye on things. But children do, and are allowed to make noise in their own gardens. You have to expect that unless you live in the arse end of nowhere I'm afraid. Same goes for people using power tools, having bonfires, dogs barking, etc. Unless it's constant, ridiculously loud, or at unreasonable times, you just have to give and take.

I'd be waiting out there to see what was said next time though. Bad enough for kids to be stuck at home, but if they aren't even allowed out in your own garden, we've got no hope. Your neighbour has no right to abject silence.

Why don't you speak to the neighbor to find out what happened?
Surely that would be the sensible thing to do?

Does your child have a lot of meltdowns?

I quite like children. I have one myself. But if I had taken a wander down to the end of my garden for a little time out in this period of isolation and the neighbours child was repeatedly saying 'Hello! Hello! Hello!', they'd have got a short, sharp Bugger Off! from me.

Regardless of your child's needs, NO ONE is obliged to indulge them. Even if your husband is a KEYWORKER.

The language on here completely confirms that people see children as irritants

Well, to be fair, some of them are.

• Bit weird why a guy is stood at the end of his garden by himself For No reason.*

It's his garden, he can do what he likes in it. He could dance around it in his speedos all day ig he wanted to and there is bugger all you could do about it.

The language on here completely confirms that people see children as irritants

Yep, they generally are and I have two of them.

but only a total arse would ignore a child saying hello.

Bollocks. In some cases, you say hello back they never leave you alone again. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to interact with your neighbours children .

Pestered? Irritating children? The language on here completely confirms that people see children as irritants. It's so sad.

No. I see irritating people as irritating. Sometimes they are adults, sometimes children.
The girl nextdoor but one never shuts up so I try to avoid getting in a conversation with her. Ditto the woman who used to live nextdoor at my old house. I used to wait until she went inside.