Neighbour told my kid off.

[Shootingstar2918]

I’m not precious and nor do I think my kids are angels! But hear me out. Most of the houses around me have kids living in them. Due to the current situation a lot of them are out playing understandably.

My children were playing outside whilst I cleaned up. All of a sudden DS started screaming that he’d been told off and told me the man who lives behind us told him off. I couldn’t see what DS was doing. There’s a Tallish fence between our gardens so I cannot imagine a lot could be done.

Just to add DS has autism and wants to talk to everyone. I think he was at the back of the fence shouting hello. I’m not really sure. My garden is secure and safe enough to let them out without me being outside. I was in the kitchen with my patio doors open but missed what actually happened. Sometimes DS can be a bit loud but I don’t let him out for hours on end or anything. Far from it.

So a man told him off. If he did wrong then that’s fine but the man told him off with no explanation. When I came out he hurried in his house and slammed the door. Aibu to think he should talk to me. With distance of course!

Like I say DS has autism. My neighbours wouldn’t know this I guess but it’s ended up with DS having an hour long meltdown on the grass outside. They must be able to hear him.

I’m not the type to go matching round and of course we can’t right now anyway but aibu to think the guy should man up and come and speak to us (again distance) and give me an explanation at least! So I know what the hell just happened. DS is that upset he can’t explain to me!

Hang on a minute. Why do posters keep on saying that the neighbour shouted at the child? OP said he was ‘told off’, she doesn’t say he was shouted at. Still, I suppose it adds a bit of drama doesn’t it?

What you find an endearing "hello" could come across as annoyingly disturbing someone. People tend to accept a lot more from their kids than other people find acceptable.

Could he have been climbing over the fence? I ask because yesterday morning I went out in the garden with my mug of tea to find the boy from next door in our garden. I didn’t shout but then I work with kids. I just told him politely that he shouldn’t be in our garden then I said Do you remember why you aren’t at school ? That is why you should be in our garden. He hadn’t gone to retrieve a ball etc. I was giving him a gentle reminder but I doubt if my husband would have been quite as calm.
I don’t think you can do anything unless you leave a note to phone you and the number but do you want that. I would just explain the man was feeling cross.

As nobody seems to know what actually happened (apart from the man next door) I'd let it go but be on the alert for any further trouble and then you'll know if you need to intervene. I would think your neighbour will steer well clear having heard the melt down tbh.

It is unreasonable to expect the OP to fully supervise her son every minute of the day whilst he's in their own garden. I would be tempted to slip a note through his door apologising for anything that happened, but explain that your son is autistic and gets easily upset. If he understands and realises that your son is autistic, as opposed to being a noisy kid, he might feel more understanding and find it less annoying/stressful. It's hard for everyone right now.

The thing is, if I said something to a child who wasn’t mine and they got really worked up and cried, even if I didn’t mean to do that, and even if I’d been entirely justified in my complaint, I would feel worried for the child. Because I’m an adult and they are not. If their parent then appeared, I would be at pains to describe the incident so that they didn’t think I had hurt the child or something, and I would also be keen to check on the welfare of the child. If he’d done that this thread wouldn’t exist. And yes, maybe the child was being annoying in some way and he was entirely justified in his actions and there’s no way he could have expected the outcome it had. But he could have just spoken to the OP and explained. Then everything probably would have been ok (and before anyone says it, it’s perfectly possible to have a conversation at 2 meters).

That said.....maybe he has ASD and finds persistent small people distressing and difficult to deal with. Two sides to every story and that.

Lot of excuses for the child and refusing to take responsibility for your child. You know your child has this issue so you should be with him to redirect him from bad behavior. Yes repeatedly yelling hello at someone is horrible behavior. Having Autisim unless extremely severe is not an excuse for bad behavior and poor supervision. Your neighbor has the right to peaceful enjoyment of his garden and has the right to stand anywhere he wants in his own garden. I would have ignored you also because you wouldn't have liked what I would have had to say. In that situation its best to walk away before true problems surface

Tbf children's account of what was said and how isnt exactly reliable. Apparently I told off next doors son once. I told him off for playing near the fence. What actually happened was that he was swinging off the fence and trying to walk up it with his feet while holding onto the top and I said to him Be careful mate, you'll get loads of splinters.

Children are prone to over exaggerating.

Poor man, can you imagine living near OP and her friend.

Probably just wanted to get some fresh air

You’re still not getting it, are you? Nobody “hates children”, they just don’t want to be pestered by yours. It’s quite simple, really.
Baffled at what you’re finding so hard to understand?

In the nicest possible way, children can often say they were told off when a stranger did no such thing. The man could have said simply, I don't want to talk, please go away.

Ahhh another one of those threads where everyone tells OP they are wrong and we just get a long drip feed of BUT BUT BUT
Accept you’re wrong op

“It's clearly the neighbours fault. He chose a house and talks to other neighbours and has a cat and stood at the end of his garden like an absolute bastard instead of staying on his decking when OPs husband is a KEYWORKER!”

Brilliant

OP you just sound more and more unreasonable every time you post. Supervise your kids properly and stop making shit up that you don’t even know happened.

If the neighbour is so entitled to peace and quiet to the point of telling a kid off, then surely it's a bit hypocritical of them to be chatting across someone else's garden?
I agree that it's not necessarily a bad thing for someone else to tell you child off, if the child is visibly distressed and a parent becomes present then the parent is entitled to an explanation!

The girl who lives next door but one to me is a perfectly sweet girl but never ever shuts up. If I even vaguely acknowledge her it’s just constant questions. Therefore I tend to pretend I don’t hear her. That doesn’t stop her narrating everything she is doing.
I don’t hate children but she does drive me to distraction. I’m hoping she grows out of it.

Maybe the neighbour is on some sort of spectrum too and had a meltdown himself from the noise.

And if he's an old man, maybe he's lived there for years enjoying some peace and quiet before all the new families with noisy kids moved in around him.

What a ridiculous thread. You have NO IDEA what happened because you weren't there and neither child could tell you. You don't actually know what you child did (or didn't) do. I admire your defense of him, I do, but you are blindly defending.

I also wouldn't be hanging around to 'explain' myself either if said child went into meltdown. He doesn't know your children, he doesn't know their challenges and he certainly wouldn't have expected such a reaction to what was probably something minor. Then again, who knows. Not us, not you and apparently not your children.

I’ve also heard from other sources (the woman who lives next door to him who is a friend of mine) that he hates her kids too
That says everything I need to know about you. 🥱

I wouldn't want the neighbours children right up at my fence at the moment. We've moved our garden furniture which was up against the fence so it's in the middle of our garden, that way our neighbours young sons can play out in their garden without being within 2 metres of us and without us being within 2 metres of them. That way both their parents and us can relax about using the garden.

😅😅😅😅 did I offend you bub? LMFAO calm down and smile

How do any of you know this guy isn't some kind of pervert who said something to frighten the boy? Him suddenly running in the house when he saw OP, certainly sounds suspect.

FFS!

Did you post the other day about worrying about letting your DS out in garden due to his being loud because of autism?

In the nicest way OP let it go.

You don't know exactly what was said or what happened.
Of course there is nothing wrong with doing something in the kitchen whilst your dc are in your own garden - some people are being ridiculous.

However

Just as your neighbour couldn't be expected to know that if he said hello to your ds, he would go away (as it sounds counter intuitive), you have no idea what he was doing either, or what his circumstances were.

If they can’t say hello back to a child what kind of people are they?

He could have been in the middle of a phone call. He could have come out for 2 mins to catch his breath after some devastating news. He could be wary of the high number of MNer who thinks every man is a paedophile andis therefore wary of talking to children. He could have had a migraine and have been hoping some fresh air and quiet would help. Of course, he could have been grumpy - but, to be fair, he is entitled to be in the privacy of his own garden.
The point is, you have no idea.

You do know that if he had been shouting at your ds, then you would have heard from where you were.

Standing up over our shared fence over our garden to talk to the person next to our house. With the way it’s layed here they were talking loudly over the corner of our garden. Felt very invasive when we were in the garden!

I think that is intrusive too, I can't believe you did not say anything to them. I don't think you are being unreasonable, it is a shame your DS had a meltdown. My DD had one once in the garden, it was so severe she could not use her legs for a while, we could not move her. It was awful, I imagine the neighbours were not pleased but what can you do?