To think this is torturing single people?

[VirtualHugsAllRound]

Even if it's intermittent lockdown and social distancing... Both mean you're not supposed to meet with family and friends.

If you live alone this is torture. Isolation is used as torture/punishment fgs!
We're always being shown that families are more important, that we've failed by not having a partner and reproducing. Now we are expected to live in isolation for months on end.

And at the end of it, no one is going to say "well done for undergoing months of torture to protect others" or support us with healing from the trauma this will cause. As usual, just expected to suck it up.

I cant do this.

@mindproject Yes, finally an advantage of being a single parent whose ex went awol. We’ve had plenty of practice at not going out.

When you feel like this, consider the worst case scenario.

We are lucky to live in a digital age.

For me, I have to care and feed others so can't focus on myself.

Can you perhaps volunteer for the NHs? They are looking for people, even if you can only make a daily call to an isolated poorly older person. That way you can help each other.

I am so sorry OP. Of course your suffering is not unimportant.

Loneliness was already a recognised health issue in this country, and that it will now be imposed on some people is desperately sad. Indeed it is so crucial that part of the efforts of the recruited volunteers is not just to practically help the vulnerable, but to chat to them. Because enforced isolation is not healthy.

I hope you can find some support and kindliness on Mumsnet. I wish those posters who find their empathy depleted by their own difficult circumstances would start their own thread asking for support, rather than undermining others.

Disclaimer: I have posted one critical post during this period... but am resolved to choose my words more carefully going forwards.

Some people need to realise that what one person finds easy another will struggle with. I've found the self isolation very easy and haven't had to make too many changes because I'm not a sociable person. I can imagine how difficult this can be for someone who thrives on social interaction. If I were told that I had to force myself into huge social gathering and had no choice then I would be having a huge meltdown so I can empathise with the OP. Hang on in there OP. We'll all get through this together

it’s really unnecessary for people to come along and say how much worse it is for others. Her distress is valid and some people are being harsh There is no need for posters to be harsh, there is no need for name calling posters for comparing/sharing their stress, they may not have started a thread but are feeling equally deprived with their MH battered.
Be strong OP.
We're all in this together even if separately, I've to force feed myself my appetite has disappeared I'll starve to death, Again not playing Oh look at me trying to empathise, look for centres, volunteer on the local FB page to deliver shopping to the vulnerable, audio books.

I don’t understand why absolutely everything becomes a competition on here, who has it worse, better

Absolutely. Misery has become a competitive sport here with anyone managing to find anything positive in their situation being labelled smug. For God’s sake, people, we’re all in the gutter but look up, the stars are still there.

Sorry OP, just read you do volunteer, so thank you.
Also, your ASD must make it hard.

Why does everybody have to say at least you aren’t in an abusive relationship

We wouldn’t say at least you aren’t single to someone struggling in an unhappy marriage.

OP, and anyone else, there is also information on the Mind website which may help

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/coronavirus-and-your-wellbeing/

The only way to make this crappy situation a positive one is to change how you perceive it. Either you have 12 weeks of total isolation not seeing loved ones in person which sounds unbearable or you see it as you have 12 weeks to sort or plan to sort anything and everything you have been putting off for years. Do not watch the news, focus on what you can control and take a form of exercise every day are the best bits of advice I have seen throughout this. 12 weeks goes quickly. 12 weeks yesterday was New Year’s Eve! It will be torture if you treat it as torture

Unless you are vulnerable why don't you become an nhs volunteer?

This is hard for us all, but it must be intensely difficult for people alone.

Take it one day at a time. It will be over.

It's not really who has it the worst bingo though is it? I hope the people who jumped onto say yes, but I or x person has it worse feel good about dismissing the OP's feelings rather than trying to offer some support. In the coming months, I predict more people will die of mental health related issues and not being able to access support than of CV. Not to say CV isn't serious, more that the impact will be felt in people's mental health as well as physical.

Yes, we should all stay home to deal with the pandemic, but also consider how you treat others who are struggling during this time. If you don't have anything positive to say to someone who is isolated and not doing great with their mental health, maybe you should scroll past the thread rather than posting a harsh response. You may not have the ability to cure CV, but not being a dick to someone costs nothing and if you can make someone's day slightly less shitty why wouldn't you?

OP, there's a much more supportive thread over here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/3850440-A-thread-for-calm-peace-happy-thoughts-support

Op. The only reason why you are getting replies about being dramatic is because you start with "it's used as a torture fgs" and that is unnecessarily and overly dramatic.

If you have said straight away "I am suffering because I had previous trauma and being in isolation is really making my MH worse" everyone would be much more helpful.

Why are people being so bloody nasty?

OP is allowed to have feelings and find it hard. How hard is it to have some empathy?

It is turning into a race to the bottom for competitive misery on here.

When are people allowed to leave their homes?

Mr Johnson said everybody should stay at home and would only be allowed to leave for specific reasons:
◾Shopping for "basic necessities", as infrequently as possible. People should use delivery services, where they can
◾Medical reasons, to provide care, or to help a vulnerable person
◾Travelling to and from work, but only if it is "absolutely necessary"

People should not meet friends or family members who do not live with them.

I sympathise with everyone here, Covid-19 is a shit and no one deserves this confinement, but even less does anyone deserve to die or be bereaved. So we’re stuck with it.

OP, I recommend doing voluntary work if that’s possible. It really does help in my experience.

and I think single people do deserve credit for bearing the brunt of this lockdown

Nonsense! How about unhappily married couples where someone is prone to violence? Or neglected children who can not now be monitored properly at school? Or lone parents of disabled children. Single people are bearing the brunt because they can't get out for a coffee or glass of prosecco with their mates? Seriously?

Far better to be holed up by yourself than with someone you don’t get on with.

Be thankful you are safe and well. Many aren’t.

Imagine if someone talked to you about childhood trauma, and you responded with “Well yes, but you didn’t have it as bad as X, Y, Z did you? And at least these other worse things, happened to others didn’t happen to you, did they? FFS.”

You would be a complete c*nt if you spoke to people like that, and I think it applies today.

“Be nice” didn’t last long on here, did it?!

op
I totally agree. Humans are social animals, its psychologically damaging to us to be alone for extended periods. We also like to be cooperating and helping each other.
So although those of us on lock down are at less risk of dying from CV, I think psychologically it's much harder than having a job to do and actively contributing to tackling the virus and keeping the country safe.
I cannot believe how harsh people are to each other about this situation. It's not a competition and it's making all of us have to face deep seated fears.

I'm not saying it's not difficult, I'm saying they're not "bearing the brunt" because they aren't!

With every sympathy to the op, I think people were responding to the opening post which didn't mention mh issues (it was framed more as a singles v families thing) and the thread is in AIBU which probably isn't the best place for it.

I hope you can develop strategies to help you get through this difficult time op or you can get the on-line support you need .

Syncrows because being single is vastly under-rated in our society and crises like this expose the huge pressure people are put under to be in unsatisfactory relationships.

Don't want to hijack thread, and sorry OP if you're feeling down, but it is important: people are made to feel like pariahs often by large sections of society for not being coupled up and pushed into relationships which often don't serve their needs.

When something like this blows up it really tests relationships. And a lot of people who are cohabiting in less than optimal relationships will come to realise how incompatible they are and how poorly supported they are by their partner.

I think a lot of people around the country are probably realising this now.

Being single poses its own challenges and a lot of people are legitimately struggling for all sorts of reasons and I don't want to minimise this, but I don't think being single is of itself an any worse position to be in than any other marital state -- in fact in many ways its an advantage.

I think there are some silver linings to coronavirus but one of them is perhaps that we as a society should evaluate our collective commitment to making people feel inferior because they're not sharing accomodation with a partner. You get on mumsnet all the time this discussion about how you can't be in a "committed" relationship because you're not living together.

Well now here we are with millions of people forced to live together around the clock and a large chunk of them will be realising its not all its cracked up to be. The tide goes out and everyone can see who's swimming naked etc.

Seeing someone refer to being single as "torture" is hysterical and if this gives us a chance to evaluate the ridiculous premium we put on it then that's not a bad thing.

Of course it matters if you died OP, your life is no less important than anybody else's. You will get through this, you can still call people and as another poster said, there are other things to keep you busy.

Enforced isolation IS different to doing it by choice and if your MH is suffering anyway that doesn't just stop because other ppl think you need to have a stiff upper lip. It's ok to not feel ok.

By all means use MN as a way to communicate but just be aware that there are a lot of people in tough situations atm so their responses may not be sympathetic to your situation.

All the best