To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

YABU.

Pregnant women’s wishes don’t trump safety of others.

The reality is that every extra person in the hospital creates extra risk. The risks are significant to other patients and to staff. If the decision is taken that having an extra person in the hospital is too great a risk then I think that we will all have to get on with it.

I’m sure some women may think that their wish for their partner to be present is more important than the infection control measures required and more important than the health and safety than others but truthfully it is not.

We need to minimise staff exposure or there won’t be the staff to provide the safest care to all patients, including antenatal and post natal care. We need to minimise exposure of patients, especially those unwell enough to be requiring admission. Failure to do so will cost lives and put additional strain on the NHS.

It will be hard for some women, but the reality is you will get through it and come out the other side- women have managed for generations and so will any women having to give birth alone during this crisis. It might not be what you planned or what you would ideally like- but during a crisis wants and ideals go out of the window and become irrelevant. Some people will have to get their heads round that.

No woman today will have given birth in circumstances like this since the 2nd world war

It’s not a nice situation for any pregnant woman to be in right now

The risk each time she goes in for a check not knowing she might have caught it

Then the risk of catching it during birth or c section itself

Then the risk of catching it if they have a prolonged stay due to complications

Then the high possibility that mothers and babies getting separates which is now happening across London

After coming home the lack of support and care they will have

How is any of this a just get on with it and stop moaning situation?

Didn’t read properly Op, so sorry to hear this you must be terrified. I couldn’t imagine giving birth alone.

YABU.

I’m sorry, it’s obviously not ideal but this is a global emergency. Your thoughts about the midwife who helps you birth your child don’t trump that.

Also - this might be your first but many women will be having their second or more child. If the dad is in the hospital, then other people have to look after the other children, potentially spreading illness further.

Don’t get yourself worked up about this.

Even if it’s their second baby this is not a normal or safe situation to be in !

If you’re actually serious about jumping in front of a train then please call Samaritans www.samaritans.org/ And also speak to a doctor as soon as you can.

I had my baby at Columbia last year. A couple of notes for anyone interested:

1. You won't be surrounded by strangers. The US is really big on continuity of care. You'll either have your OB delivering the baby, or if they're not available, someone else from the Columbia Doctor's practice, who you should have met at one of your later appointments. They're already doing tons of telemedicine, so I imagine they're doing video appts right now.

1. You get nurses assigned to you and you always see the same few nurses for your whole stay. They come and tell you when they're changing shifts, and let you know which nurse is taking over. It's not a bunch on randoms in and out.

1. We don't have post-natal wards. So it's either private rooms, or sharing with 1 other person.

1. Home birth is really not a thing here. Really, REALLY not a thing. It's basically going it alone without a properly medically trained midwife, and without the backing of your hospital. Also, idk where you'd give birth in a typical nyc shoebox apartment.

New York is in strict lockdown, so this isn't a surprise. I feel awful for everyone who's pregnant or giving birth during this time. It must be terrifying.

Desperate times and all that.
My cousin’s husband is in a care home dying of cancer and she can’t visit him. He’ll die alone.

@allfurcoatnoknickers unfortunately it’s not the same in England

You won’t see the same person who had during ante natal care as when you give birth

Following birth the teams rotate so unlikely you have the same team with you unless a really quick birth

Last time I was in my midwife changed multiple times over the 36 hours I was on induction and then someone else made the decision to do c section later

Then they assumed I’d already had an epidural just before I was rushed down and I had to remind them I hadn’t

Then following theatre I never saw the same people again and was in for 4 days

I think we can simultaneously say that yes, it’s the safest thing to do. Yes, it’s essential. Yes, saving lives has to become before a woman having a birth companion.

Whilst also acknowledging that IS still a pretty shit situation for a lot of pregnant women to be in and it is totally valid to feel upset or even distressed at the thought of being alone. And that having a comfortable and positive experience of birth is pretty crucial when reducing mental health issues in new mothers.

I think birth PTSD and also post-natal depression are going to be higher from all this, adding to a rise in mental health issues increase as a whole.

Agree

As someone who suffered sever PND last time and can’t get help for AND this time I’m struggling and very well expecting to have far worse PND this time

(It’s not true that you must stay in for days for a section) this is propaganda to put u off.

I came out the next day last time. I'd come out the same day this time, if they would let me.

I’d rather minimise the risk of infection for the baby than think what I want.

I had post birth complications last time with a condition that can result in a high chance of seizures and going into a coma. Luckily when I had the complication DH was home with me and was able to get me an ambulance straight away to take me to A&E. The first night that I was in hospital alone no one came to check on me and when I called it took about 40 mins for the midwife to come so I don’t really have faith in getting support from midwifes (I know they are and will be overstretched). I have the same risk factors this time. Before all of this started I spoke to my consultant and he agreed that I should book a private room and have DH with me overnight. Not sure what will happen now :(

Sounds similar to me @jadefeather7

I’m so scared

I'm due to give birth in a matter of weeks. This is something that's been playing on my mind and causing me a lot of distresss.
I don't need dh there just because he is the father but because I know how bad the maternity ward can be at the best of times.
I have experienced uncaring midwives and midwives who fuck off for hours on end and left me to it. Without dh, if something were to go wrong or if things were to progress very quickly (because let's be honest, midwives never seem to believe anyone is in actual pain) I would be left completely on my own.
The safety of me and my baby is my worry, and I am genuinely scared for it now.

I’m also scared by the thoughts of not having my elderly parents to visit once I’m home as they will be on lockdown.

Originally they had planned to help out as I’m getting exhausted with a toddler and finding it hard being so heavily pregnant now

But managing each day as it comes and unfortunately the iPad is taking a battering so I’m feeling guilty too as I so wanted to give him the quality time I could before baby arrives.

@itzybitzy
I think that’s what’s making things worse for people who have been through it before in recent years

We’ve seen just how bad it is

How will it be any better this time?

It is a “get on with it situation” because if it is decided that partners are not allowed in during labour or for the caesarean there will be nothing else to be done- that will be what happens. And it will be done for the health and safety of patients and staff. Yes, it will be hard and perhaps unpleasant. Yes, it will not be what you expected, nor what you want or planned for. But, IF it happens, that is the reality of the crisis we are in.

The reality is people are in hospital on a ventilator, or dying, and their families are not allowed to visit/sit with them because the risk to others is too great. That is happening now. In that context, giving birth alone is not ideal, quite possibly a very daunting prospect, but for the vast majority of women entirely do-able. But if it is decided the risk to others is to great, it’s something that will have to be borne.

Before giving birth I would have been horrified by this but I don’t find it so awful now. I found the midwives an amazing source of support and trusted them 100% to look after me. My husband was great and I’d rather him be there than not but these are extraordinary times and they won’t be alone, they will have midwives and doctors with them.

@NemophilistRebel exactly, a lot of these women saying suck it up have birth in very different maternity wards.
Iv heard stories from older women about how great it was back then. It's certainly not the same now.

Op I really feel for you. It's an awful situation to be facing. I myself this morning had a bit of a breakdown. But please remember, once your baby is in your arms, it will have all been worth it.

I'm due in a few weeks and am hoping with everything I can that I'm allowed someone in. Been through it twice now and no, I can't imagine having someone who doesn't know me really well by my side. I needed my birthing partner with me to keep me calm

Partners being present at the birth is a relatively modern development.

An extra person doubles the risk to the medical staff. If they get ill, then other mothers and babies will suffer.

It's really tough, if your expectation and 'birth plan' (like those work out...) was to have your partner or someone else with you, but if women of my DMs generation could do it I'm sure today's women can. You can do this.

Best wishes to all who are due soon
And to all the medical staff who will help you.

Honestly I've birthed without a partner and although it's nice having someone you know with you I really wasn't thinking about who was and wasn't there I was more focused on getting my baby out of me. You will be looked after and it's for the best in these circumstances.

Seems like all the previous guidance about women feeling safe and supported in labour being of utmost importance in allowing as straightforward a delivery as can be managed was a lot of nonsense then.

It must be, if something previously deemed crucial can be just thrown out the window and women told to suck it up and stop being unreasonable.
Wonder what else was a lot of nonsense.
I’m due to give birth to my second in July and do you know what? I am afraid.