To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

for you OP. Like women throughout time you have made the arrangements that give you the best chance of approaching labour confidently. And now there is a chance that you may not be able to make those choices that other women have at least had a shot at. It may not come to that and I hope it doesn't, but there is nothing unreasonable in your distress.

And nor are you being selfish! How can you be when the whole point is you may not get a choice?!

Best wishes OP. I hope you feel a lot better when you are holding your beautiful baby in your arms. And please look for some support IRL, you sound so distressed and I am worried for you.

for all the women who are currently pregnant, who could have not have foreseen that they would be giving birth in difficult times.

@MitziK your ex sounds unhinged!
I totally understand why some women would prefer not to have their partner present, however that doesn't mean there shouldn't be a choice.
What if both the woman and the birth partner went into strict isolation 14 days before the due date (or even plus a few days in case of early labour)? That could surely go some way to solving this.

A sensible hospital simply wouldn’t believe or care the birth partner has been in isolation, it is too complicated to allow exceptions when the system is strained to breaking point (staff will be off sick, redirected to covid wards, low or missing basic Ppe equipment).
I don’t want to be unkind, but I don’t want the op to hope that perhaps they can do this. Op , I think you should look into hypnobirthing. I haven’t done it but it does seem to help women feel calm, in control and able to relax and focus on the birthing process.

I suggest an epidural, or full spinal block, as soon as possible. That's what I'll be asking for come July.

@Liverbird77 We can't even trust the middle classes not to invade Devon and Cornwall for a jolly holiday when there's a potentially deadly virus on the loose - there is no way somebody saying 'Oh, yes, we've been completely isolated for 14-21 days' (as labour has a habit of not starting on a specific, convenient date) can be taken at face value.

The ex was batshit, thanks to his Natural Birther Mother, but I still wanted him there, which he was - but he was clearly told that if I needed a general anaesthetic, he would have to leave theatre immediately - and he had to verbally agree to those conditions before they let him anywhere near theatre doors. He did, I had an epidural. He resented it, but he was there. These days, I'd prefer it to have a partner, but if not, somebody who knew how to save my life would be far more desirable a companion.

@Bookrat your comments on this thread restore my hope in people. Someone actually seems to sympathise that it’s scary.

I’m currently 9 months pregnant & was. Told today at my midwife appointment (that I had to attend alone - I was the only one of two patients in the whole hospital that I could see - it was like a ghost ship - funny how it was so eerily deserted given the ‘media’s frenzy on the huge number of infected & panic about not rough beds & I was in the county’s designated Covid-19 hospital ?!? Also when I arrived the whole lobby was full of nursing staff doctors all sat together drinking tea/coffee just staring at me - very unnerving/unprofessional given the current situation - but not 1 patient in sight) that NHS had taken the decision that only women in labour/terminal patients are allowed ‘1’ support partner with them - no children & that person would be the only ‘visitor allowed’ through the whole duration of the stay - so if you are likely to be in a while think carefully who you choose so that it’s someone who’s able to be with you for the ‘full duration’ as you cannot swap to someone else midway through. It’s a terrible situation & extremely stressful...no wonder people are planning to just go it alone at home - I certainly will if they decide to completely ban my partner - then they will be self defeating! A birthing partner is an absolute‘essential’ & all of you lot saying ‘it’s just necessary to keep doctors safe’ RUBBISH - those same doctors & nurses will be in Aldi & Tesco rubbing shoulders with hundreds of others without a second thought! It’s just the Gov adding a new Level ‘to their fear mongering’!

@Mummyome it was like a ghost ship - funny how it was so eerily deserted given the ‘media’s frenzy on the huge number of infected & panic about not rough beds & I was in the county’s designated Covid-19 hospital ?!?

What are you implying? Do you think the entire pandemic is a media fiction?

the whole lobby was full of nursing staff doctors all sat together drinking tea/coffee just staring at me - very unnerving/unprofessional given the current situation

Wow. Never seen anything like that, ever.

It’s a terrible situation & extremely stressful...no wonder people are planning to just go it alone at home - I certainly will if they decide to completely ban my partner - then they will be self defeating!

'Self' defeating? How will it 'defeat' the hospital if you choose to give birth at home?

A birthing partner is an absolute‘essential’

No, it isn't.

It’s just the Gov adding a new Level ‘to their fear mongering’!

Wow, again.

Empathy is lost on this forum...I hope one day you find yourself in a similar situation & find out for yourself just how frightening things can be. I’m not going to waste another second of my time on here, your just not worth it!

I think the trouble is that, with the low staffing levels on maternity wards, mums often find themselves alone and in trouble on wards and do actually need someone to help them. , and this ends up being a lay birthing parter. I could quite happily have birthed all 3 of my kids with good professional support and no DH. But only my third birth had good professional support. At my first I was ignored and told I couldn’t be pushing yet. At my second I was shunted between 4 rooms, unsupported, left with waters leaking everywhere while the people in the next cubicle blasted out party music etc etc.

WhoToTell Tue 24-Mar-20 10:18:29 "I don't understand how this improves safety for anyone"......so now the midwives have two people in the room to catch it from???? What planet are you on? In a state of emergency you do what you have to to preserve life .....and other peoples not just your own.

And " No way I trust any of the midwifes I have met to have my best interest in mind " Then get a backstreet midwife to deliver your child. I cannot believe the dross you spout.

Health care professionals will always do their level best to deliver you a healthy child and here you are maligning them. You're an absolute disgrace!!!

Happens to army wives all the time.

@cuparfull there have actually been recent reports of women being denied things they asked for, like epidurals and pain relief, gas and air being taken away because the midwives felt the women needed to concentrate more etc. Don't have the link but it was in the guardian.

I get that its essential to protect staff, but having two people from the same household doesn't double the chances. The chances are about the same. If the wife has it chances are hubby does too and vice versa.

I think women have a right to be concerned and worried about the prospect of not having someone to advocate for them. My sister in law got a terrible old grumpy midwife who basically stalled her epidural to the point she couldn't have it. Even though it was clearly written in her birth plan.

Surely there would have to be a happy medium.

I’m sorry Mummyome that you feel the place is a ghost ship and feel like doctors are drinking teas and coffees . I am an obstetric anaesthetist and it is absolutely unfair what you are saying . The royal college guidelines are people should have their partners in LABOUR in this country. If you come to theatre and are covid positive your partner might not there depending on the hospital . Why ? Because we don’t want 2 people potentially with covid infecting all the staff . To run an emergency Caesarean section you need 2 surgeons, 2 Anaesthetist’s and 2 scrub nurses and if it is covid multiple runners and lots of PPE . In labour you have 1 midwife in the room .
On the ghost ship the reason for this is that most of the clinic including the ones I run are telephone clinics first and we are staggering the appointment sso we can protect the vulnerable: you and your families. I hope you have a great labour and delivery and I know it is a worrying time but remember it is difficult times for all of us .

The numbers are exploding and we are trying to stay well as if we or our families fall sick we are out for 2 weeks . And those docs and nurses drinking coffee they are probably having a rest before being deployed to somewhere in the hospital they have never worked before.

Mummy
I wish you well

But your lack of empathy towards the NHS is fucking staggering and you might want to educate yourself on the sheer help they are facing

LORD

What I really want to say to you Mummyome would definitely be deleted and probably get me banned. Nobody with an atom of sense would choose to have a home birth with their (usually useless) partner present and no professional support when they could have a safe hospital birth with professional care and no partner.

@Wasywasydoodah has got it spot on in my opinion. I would be quite happy to not have my DH around if I knew I would get the professional support that I need. Based on the experience I have had I don’t think that’s very likely. We have an underfunded healthcare system and often partners are able to step in to provide valuable support, in my case as I was immobile my partner lifted the baby so I could feed him, changed him, brought me food, took me to the shower. None of this required any medical qualifications.

OP it’s shit and scary

But it’s finite , try and hold
Onto that

Just also read that Kingston Maternity Birth Centre has turned into a Covid ward. So that means that the labour ward is it, less space for more women.

They kept the language very free to Covid though, had to find that out myself. Why would they put a covid ward in the same building with labouring women? Seems strange considering they're asking us all to isolate to reduce our risk but then put actual confirmed cases pretty much next door. The labour ward and birth centre are on the same floor!!

@selfisolatingsince2007 Where did you read that? My understanding was that they were going to have a separate section within the labour ward for women with covid who are giving birth rather than just anyone with covid but maybe I misunderstood. Would be good to see your source. Thanks

@Jadefeather7 I read a dialogue on twitter between a mother and Kingston Hospital. They and the midwife and hospital responded confirming the birthing centre was closed, and all women would be delivering in the labour ward. Which has just one confirmed birth pool, but it may be two.

I suspect they're trying to be careful with the language but the RCOG policy is that all women with covid symptoms deliver in the labour ward.

Will clarify with the midwife. Links to Twitter feed twitter.com/willettasnotes/status/1243530374698995712?s=21

@selfisolatingsince2007 Thanks for sharing. It’s a bit hard to get info on Kingston’s policy. I’m due to have a c section there and I don’t know if my husband will be allowed in theatre or recovery as the Website says “labouring” women are allowed a birth partner

@Jadefeather7 when is your c section? wouldn't surprise me if policies change. If its soon you may be ok but if its weeks out, it may be different.

Given how quickly things are moving you probably should prepare for most eventualites.

Yes I’m preparing myself for the worst really. I will need to be in hospital for at least 3 days after the birth due to complications that I have so there’s a chance my husband might not meet his child until I’m discharged :( It’s sad but I can live with that. What’s really making me anxious is how I will cope if I’m struggling with mobility after the c section like last time and staff are reduced/overstretched so can’t help. DH was great last time in giving me the baby to feed, changing nappies, bringing me food, helping me to try to move around in those first few days. I can’t imagine what it will be like without him.

My c section will be in June so still some time to go but I can’t see this getting better any time soon