To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

They're not doing it for the fun of it.

Unfortunately some things are more important than ensuring every woman has her perfect birth experience .

@HillAreas
Honestly I feel for you. Nobody got pregnant knowing all of this would happen. However, pregnant women do essentially need to suck it up. This is part of what has to happen to prevent literal lives being lost.

I don’t even expect a perfect birth experience never did with the last one either

Feeling confident that you’ll be safe and looked after is a basic requirement and at this time most of us don’t

We aren’t getting antenatal appointments, blood pressure isn’t being taken, blood tests aren’t happening and other measurements to ensure baby is safe

That’s even before going into hospital alone where they are likely to be on a skeleton staff

Seems like all the previous guidance about women feeling safe and supported in labour being of utmost importance in allowing as straightforward a delivery as can be managed was a lot of nonsense then

Optimum guidance in normal times. We’re not in normal times now and nobody’s going to get the optimum. My dad wasn’t even in the same country when I was born.

OP, please know that most women I know understand and support you. It's very easy to be brisk and sensible when you're not facing this yourself.

For the rest of you, hospitals in NYC are fucking terrifying right now. I was about to go into details, but I don't think it's helpful for the OP.

My hope, OP, is that they soon designate a maternity hospital and redirect patients from NYPresbyterian system. The problem is that they have the best NICU in the country, if not the world, meaning there are a lot of very, very vulnerable women who have been planning to give birth there and now find themselves facing high-risk pregnancies alone without their birth plan in place (far more important than in typical pregnancies).

You have my utter sympathy. My hope is that this will have resolved into something easier in the next week. Each day feels like a week and each week like a month, so who know where we'll be by the time this becomes a reality.

Any of you notice this girl hasn't responded in hours!!! I really hope you are oka hun?? Please may be private email me if you need some support.

You are all savage horrible ladies writing horrid comments sorry but you should all hold your heads in shame!! Unless any of you have actually given birth at a time like this you have no right to tell her me or any other pregnant women how to feel right now !!!!!!!!! It's not just about given birth on your own I have a fuck load of different worries now for the safety of my baby in a few weeks time !!!! I feel safer me and my baby actually getting this virus than all the other shit that could to happen because of it and I'm a 3rd time mum not first time!.
One very upset 37 weeks pregnant lady at how horrid most of you are
I would love to talk to some of you face to face right now. Truth is non of us on this thread right now have actually been threw some thing like this before!!!yes you might have had your baby on your own back in the 70's with more care then all us expected mum's will be getting over the cuming months and your mortality rate was higher then aswell than it is today!!!! Not just the virus mum's are worries about!!

YABU

The priority in this crisis is reducing the number of deaths and not overloading the health services
No resources left for non-essentials

So many things we take for granted have gone, especially in lockdown

Much worse than not allowing birth partners is that
some people dying in hospital are not allowed any family there, if there is infection risk

• already happening in the UK

www.netmums.com >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> this way

Yabu. Very.

@Abbyd222

She hasn’t replied as she’s on the other side of the world and it’s been the middle of the night there.

And people are not being horrible, FFS. Pregnant women’s feelings don’t trump other people’s actual lives, do you understand that?

Women gave birth alone for centuries.

Did they? I assumed they had help from a village 'midwife'/wisw owman/neighbour/family member who had some experience of helping out with births.

I understand why this may need to be, but I'm grateful I've already had DS and that I'm not pregnant now as my midwives didn't listen to me, pushed me into agreeing to things I didn't want and didn't monitor me properly. And that was with DH there.

@Fantasiaa @Alsohuman

Perfectly aware that what has to happen has to happen. My point is that some posters are just being horribly dismissive about it as if it’s not a big deal. It absolutely is a big deal.

I would have been terrified if it was my first delivery but having done it before I feel fine about having the second birth without DH. When push comes to shove I don't register that he is there anyway. So I'm not too sure about these measures because I can see either way. On the other hand it IS a world wide crisis and it calls for desparate measures. I guess a lot of women gave birth without their husbands in the country during the world wars, so nothing new.

Can't they do a middle ground? Like the partner can be there if he has no symptoms and self isolated at least two weeks before? That way he can't have it really.

YANBU... that’s how you feel and childbirth is a scary time, Covid 19 or no Covid 19. The hospital in NYC is doing the best they can under the circumstances and I understand it’s a necessary decision, but it doesn’t make expectant women, who are already vulnerable, feel any better. I’m torn because I understand both sides and feel some responses are a little black and white with little compassion for the OP. We are all affected by this in different ways....

OP - if your partner is not with you, remember that decision has been made based on the best interests of everyone involved and has certainly not been made lightly. The key thing here is that you deliver your baby safely.

Take care and good luck.

@flocondeneige
Where have I said pregnant womens feelings top other peoples lives!!!!Please quote me! Everyone is important in life no matter what. And if loads of mum's end up with loads of horrid outcomes will people just day oh well ? I agree 100% with anything to government anywhere want to bring in right now to help fight this I work in a hospital myself. However that does not mean people are going to be gutted about this situation and they need some constructive empathetic support there is a lot of horrid comment if you read them and I'm not the first person to say it on this post. Also there has been a nurse and midwife write on the post being completely sympathetic. Sorry but one I'm pretty hormonal and too just feel so sad that we can't all just be nice and support each other is we agree or not. It's so sad how this virus is dividing and making so many people argue so much.

My mum was a midwife in the 70s and 80s and she said it was perfectly common then for men to not be in the delivery room, so while it is not ideal, it is not really unprecedented or the worst thing that could happen.

@NemophilistRebel what trust are you in? I've a missed phone call from my ante natal unit with a voicemail saying they'll try me later, I hope this isn't what it's about

Unfortunately some things are more important than ensuring every woman has her perfect birth experience

Whilst I agree with the hospitals guidelines and that it’s only done when essential, and that saving lives does come before a woman having a birth partner- women not being alone during labour and birth is not anything to do with having the ‘perfect birth experience’. Having the choice of a birth partner has always been a pretty basic right in normal times and is about women having as comfortable an experience possible- even increasing her odds of having a straightforward birth in a medical sense. It’s also about reducing mental health problems and PTSD and post-natal depression which a bad birth experience can contribute to. Many women will find birthing alone will have a very negative impact on their experience. It’s not about having a ‘perfect experience’ and this really trivialises maternal mental health.

I also hope women who don’t have the choice of a birth partner will be better supported by staff and have extra kindness and reassurance. Some of the stories you hear about harsh midwives and doctors are even more frightening when you consider women may be alone with no support. Also autonomy and consent issues may be heightened when a woman has nobody else with her witnessing everything and advocating for her.

@Confuddledtown I’m
In west Hertfordshire

@NemophilistRebel I was already terrified when I was pregnant - I think a lack of continuity of care would have sent me over the edge. I leant on my OB a lot.

NYP-Columbia are usually super supportive of birth partners, visitors, doulas etc. so this is a huge deal for them. When I was in for my c-section (breech baby, before anyone starts ranting about US healthcare...) I was lying cut open on the table yelling "vomit first, THEN pass out" at DH, so I think I would have managed without him

Also, as someone else mentioned it has the best NICU is the US, if not the world, so many, many high risk mothers give birth there and they have to be extra safe.

And people are not being horrible, FFS

Yes, some of the are. The OP who is clearly scared and distressed has been called selfish, told to get a grip, and had people dismiss her concerns as “wanting the perfect birth” and wanting an audience, spectator sport etc. No need for any of that at all. people can post what they want on the internet but they don’t get to do so and then say no one has been horrible.

At first I thought you meant without health professionals
I can't say I'd be that bothered, tbh.

It’s also about reducing mental health problems and PTSD and post-natal depression which a bad birth experience can contribute to. Many women will find birthing alone will have a very negative impact on their experience.

But this isn't taking place in a vacuum. There are no outcomes here that are good for mental health.

The alternative is that pregnant women, their loved ones and medical staff risk serious illness and death. Women with coronavirus are advised to have c-sections and have no contact with their newborns for at least two weeks.

This is obviously a difficult decision taken by the hospital as a last resort. Dead people don't have mental health.

@Cohle I know. Hence why I said I completely agree that saving lives has to come first and I agree that the hospital has to do this. I just didn’t agree with the need for a birth partner and other choices in birth being about women wanting the ‘perfect experience’. It’s about women having a comfortable and less traumatic experience and having better odds of good mental health after birth. Unfortunately that does need to be sacrificed now to save lives and I agree with it, it just comes with consequences for women that are much greater than not having a ‘perfect’ birth.