To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

You never know! It may turn a corner if everyone does the right thing.

I’m due end May and midwife said to expect no birth partners allowed and suggested using FaceTime during birth instead

@NemophilistRebel I expect quite a number or places will change their policies? Are you in UK? Which NHS trust (if you don't mind saying)

I've had all 4 without my partner there. İt's fine. İ couldn't cope with DH hovering about. He was around for some of them but I sent him away. To be honest when it happens you will be in pain and focusing that you won't have time to worry about where your partner is. Well that's how i felt anyway. Desperate times cause for desperate measures. Women gave birth without their partner for hundreds of years. This is still a relatively new idea x

I'm due in May and this is a scary prospect for me. I was treated badly by my midwife in my last birth and I can honestly say DP was a lot more help during my labour then she was, apart from physically delivering the baby. I'm so scared of this happening again and being all alone for my labour.

Completely understand mama. But due to the circumstances we are in you need to find everything in you to try and stand up for yourself. İt's hard. İ know. But start practicing assertiveness now. İt might go you cope with the labour too. İf you don't want something then a very strong short no i am not doing/don't want that. Etc. Practice assertiveness now.

Not a great help but it's the only thing i can think of. Not all hospitals have banned partners. Check with your midwife

@MamaGothel I’m due May too and anxious. Hopefully they will allow support. I’d planned a home birth too which some trusts are encouraging and some banning. It’s so unsettling

@MamaGothel I understand. I think having a previous traumatic experience or being a first time mother can make things a bit more stressful. Personally my c section procedure was great as were the staff so I feel confident I can manage that on my own but my postnatal care was not adequate and I really needed my husband so I’m worried about that. There are of course women who would prefer to birth on their own and have useless husbands but for those of us who have found our husbands indispensable and didn’t get the support we needed previously from healthcare professionals it can be quite scary. All this is just to say that I understand x

My mum had 3/4 of us on her own. My dad was away in the army. It's no big deal. I'll most likely be having my second alone in July because my DH is the only one who will be able to look after our Ds (he'll only be 15m when I'm due). I'm quite looking forward to it actually.

Thank you cough, gin and jade for your kind words.
Jade my first was born by c section and my experience was the same, procedure itself was absolutely fine but the postnatal care was poor. It was my VBAC that was a shambles from start to finish. My consultant is happy for me to have another c section for this pregnancy, so if my hospital does ban birth partners I do have that option.
I've also moved hospitals so hoping for a more positive experience this time, whatever happens.

@MamaGothel, I’ve also switched hospitals this time and was hoping for a better experience. Unfortunately postnatal care seems to be pretty poor across the board and with reduced staffing that’s even more likely.
I was in two minds about VBAC or ELCS because the prospect of being mobile and being able to look after myself in the post natal ward after a vaginal delivery is appealing but I really don’t want to do it without a birth partner so I will most likely go for an ELCS again.
I hope everything goes well for you whatever you choose and that the postnatal care is better this time.

Can we all be kind please - OP is scared and worried and needs support and reassurance. Piling on to tell her off is so unhelpful and unkind. Dismissing her worries with don't be silly it's not the end of the world or my useless annoying DH was so useless anyway (sorry you have a useless DH but not everyone's is)

@WhoToTell I am due early June and I have the same worries as well. The only thing I can do is be prepared as much as I can with what I have control over. No it won't be easy and no it won't be the wonderful experience we hoped for. But please try to focus on the after and meeting your baby. Labour and birth hopefully will be 1-2 max in your life and soon you will be home and safe with your baby and DH and never have to think about maternity wards ever again (until the next baby!)

If anyone asks me how the birth was after this is all over I would probably tell them - it was absolutely SH-- and horrible and not ideal but I'm glad my baby and I are now safe at home

No need to pretend it will be rosy because it probably won't just focus on what comes after! Baby snuggles and that precious new baby smell. To help focus on baby - have you started looking/buying baby clothes getting the cot ready etc?

Wishing you a safe, uneventful and swift birth and recovery

I’ve had my son alone. It was fine. Being able to have a healthy baby brought in the world safely should override anything.

I wish people would stop saying how their experiences of birthing alone was fine for them

It’s not for others and some are scared as the choice is being taken away

@NemophilistRebel I totally agree. It completely dismissed and minimises our worries.

@Jadefeather7 I found I was up and about much quicker with an ELCS then after a difficult VB so it may actually work out better for you in that sense

@agirlfrommars I had an ELCS last time due to complications but I didn’t find the recovery very good in the way that many other people do

I hope everything goes well for you as well Jade the good thing is hopefully we should be discharged swiftly and I hope you have good support at home. With my first I was kept in for 3 nights which I hated! But I hear they are aiming for 24 hour discharge at the moment after a c section, if all is well

@mamagothel I was discharged after 24 hours last time but I had to be rushed back to A&E after I had complications so this time they are keeping me in for at least 3 nights :(

Does anyone know how it works with discharge if the father/family aren’t allowed in the ward?I don’t think I was able to carry the car seat with the baby last time until at least a week later (c section) and I read somewhere (can’t remember where now!) that hospital staff aren’t able to help with this.

Jadefeather7 I couldn't carry the car seat with the baby in it post caesarean either (you're not meant to carry anything heavier than the baby for 4 weeks).

There's no earthly reason to put the baby in the car seat to carry him or her through the hospital though! Car seats were only required to prove you had one, there's no reason to carry the baby in it at all.

However anyone post section or difficult birth is likely to struggle with overnight bag plus baby and possibly to be still too unsteady on her feet to carry the baby a ling distance - I had dc1 in england and was discharged after an emergency section, hemorage and transfussion whilst barely able to stand. Massive contrast to dc2 and dc3 born abroad where I was kept in until I was able to stand upright and walk and lift the baby in and out of her cot...

So there will be mothers needing porter type assistance (wheelchair as in American hospitals) to the entrance.

You'll have to carry the baby to the car and get your husband to put it in the car-seat. You must also wear a pretty dress and high heels. If Kate and William can do it, anyone can.

@anothernotherone Yes now I remember reading about how you need to show the hospital you have a car seat to take the baby so that’s why we took one in. Not sure if we still need to show it. As you said there’s the baby to carry plus bags (I will be staying for at least 3 nights so will have a few things on me)

Hi All, for anyone delivering at Kingston. Went today for a non routine appt and a vaccination. Hubby couldn't come but honestly it was quick, efficient and I got everything I needed.

Kingston still allow partners for the birth and on the post natal ward.

Hope it all stays this way!